You're a Hot Mess. But Since It's Fiction, It's Adorable

Now that we've got all that lovey-dovey stuff out of the way, we can go back to talking about what you all love: getting smashed and being stupid. And of course, I'm happy to be your lovely guide throughout the process. The more you live, the more you find irony hilarious. Others people's misfortunes are indeed funny, depending on the severity, especially when they are in the spotlight. Who do we love because they are crazy stupid? These lovely starlets that have bravely chosen a life of boozing and drugs rather than take the cowardly route of following social norms. Even though they are fake, they are tragically hilarious. Who are these alcoholics? They are the 6 Best Female Alcoholic TV Characters of the Decade


6. Karen Walker
Portrayed By: Megan Mullally
TV Show: Will & Grace
Hot Mess Characteristics: I haven't seen very much of this show. But I know a few friends who loved the show that mentioned her alcoholic goodness, so I watched a clip of her on YouTube and wha-la! It's enough to make my extra special list. Her one liners and sarcastic, patronizing attitude made her one of, if not the show's most popular characters. Booze often fuels her quirks throughout the show. Again, I can't write a whole diatribe since I haven't seen much, but from what I can gather, she was a boozy quirkster. Those are me faves.
Karen Walker's Best Moments


5. Meredith Palmer
Portrayed By: Kate Flannery
TV Show: The Office (U.S. Version)
Hot Mess Characteristics: Meredith is a full-blown alcy. She drinks during work, is always drunk at the parties, and is a bit of a floozy. Everybody's favorite "Red-Headed Slut" is a shot of life in a, overall, non-party group. Although she may not even be the third or fourth best character in the show, she makes the most of her moments, like Creed, by delivering them with such good deadpan. Pretty much all she talks about in the show is sex and drinking, even if it's not obvious, and she would make either a partier proud or a AA sponson cringe. Every office has one. But THE Office's alcoholic skankstress wins a spot on my top 6.


4. Marsha Klein
Portrayed By: Julia Deakin
TV Show: Spaced
Hot Mess Characteristics: Although barely any of you have seen the British hit TV show, you really should. It stars the writers/stars and director of "Shaun of the Dead" and "Hot Fuzz," which were basically sprung from this show. Marsha, the landlord in the apartment where most of the series takes place, is a chain-smoking wino that is constantly popping in to have a "splash" of vino. Occasionally, she ends up flat on her face. Every episode of the short series, Marsha is polishing off some wine and taking a drag. And with all that rain and bad weather in London, who can blame her?


3. Jordan Sullivan
Portrayed By: Christa Miller
TV Show: Scrubs
Hot Mess Characteristics: Egotistical, diabolical, and just plain mean, Dr. Cox's evil ex-wife/wife from Scrubs drops in at numero tres. Whether it's not being late for Cougar Night or just being a hospital ho (copyrighted, TWC, Inc), Jordan brings out the worst in everyone. And that's what most drunks do. At least, after they've been drunks for a long time. Although the show is semi-over, nobody can forget the brunette boozette of Sacred Heart Hospital.



2. Dee Reynolds
Portrayed By: Kaitlin Olson
TV Show: It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia
Hot Mess Characteristics: Oh, Sweet Dee. Although basically everyone at Paddy's Pub is basically a huge boozehound, they have to have their houndress. And in Sweet Dee, they've found her. Getting drunk is half the show's premise, and Ms. Reynolds displays all the tendencies of an alcster: egotistical, selfish, angry, and unhealthy. But Goddamnit if she isn't the funniest damn blonde on TV. Even though she'll never hold a candle to Charlie in terms of comedy (few TV characters can), her narcissistic, boozy behavior is unlike any woman we've seen on TV.



1. Lucille Bluth
Portrayed By: Jessica Walter
TV Show: Arrested Development
Hot Mess Characteristics: There can be no doubt. In what has to be the greatest comedy of the decade, we have our number one alcoholic female. The mother of the selfish, moronic, and preposterously hilarious Bluth family, Lucille rarely is waddling around without a martini glass in hand. She's drunk in the morning, she's drunk at parties, she's drunk at work. Hell, she's probably drunk right now even though she's fictional. Disagree you may, but Ms. Bluth certainly is the most experienced, funniest, and definitely the biggest boozer of the bunch. Congrats to her. Now only if they could get that movie made.



There it is. The best in lady drinking. No cosmos or sex on the beaches for these ladies. You may disagree, you may ask "Why is there no Samantha from Sex in the City on this?" To you people, I must say that I haven't, contrary to popular belief, seen every TV show of the last ten years. (Sex in the City, especially) But I'm pretty confident in my concrete list of floozy drunkardettes. No one denies this? Good. I'll be back shortly enough to give you the male version. Until then, aur revoir madamoiselles. (Is that right? I didn't even have to look it up if it is.)