I've edited this as of 7/5/07.
Here are my top 6 greatest moment's in my own drunkenness. I hope they entertain you and give a view of how I act when I have a little too much sauce.
Alright, then. Let's have it. I had to take
#6--My Performence the morning after while walking up Acrocorinth
I don't know a better feeling than waking up drunk from the night before, knowing you don't have a hangover. And although I remember few details of the trip up/down, I remember tons of singing, tons of me screaming at tourists, and falling assleep during one of my classmates' presentations. (so what, it was boring) Since, I have renamed this hike the "Hike of Happiness".
#5-- Party last June (names left out for legal purposes)
Not only was I driving home that night, I was also drinking alot. Since I was so good, i was forced to do 1/2 cup flip cup. After about 10 games of that I was drunk. And the night was just getting started. I remember 3 or 4 more games of beerpong, with some jackass spiking my beer with Cuervo. Then shots of Cuervo and a Jagerbomb and who the hell knows how much else I had to drink, the point is, I was completely over the wall hammered and was about to lose conciousness. That's when I had to go and drive me and a friend home. With no DD in site, I pulled through it all and got my friend home and then watched him puke up to his front step. Then, I made it to my house and parked my car half on the driveway/half on the lawn. I remember nothing of this drive. Proving, I am the master of Drunk Driving (not encouraging it, though) I call this night "Drove Home by a Ghost Rider Night"
#4-- Roses for Everyone!
I had never gotten drunk off of wine before so, I just keep going and going and going and i was HAMMERED. Like, wow. So as our group is leaving the restaurant, a rose vendor ask me to buy roses for the 15-18 girls in our group. Never one to turn down a supposed at the time bargain, i purchased 20 roses, just to make sure we had some extra. After all the girls were given their beautiful roses we headed back to the hotel and on the way I saw a vendor closing up shop and went and gave her a rose saying "your so beautiful, you deserve this flower more than anyone". She probably went home and masturbated it was so charmingly awesome. When we got back to the hotel bar, I bought an entire bottle of wine for our group, which was drank rather quickly. I tried to tip our waitresses, who weren't even serving us, 20 Euros a piece. I spent 20 minutes trying to convince them to take it and finally one of the waitresses took 10. Then I went back to drinking, forgetting what I was even tipping the waittresses for.
#3-- NO MIP? LET"S DRINK!!
This occured the day me and my friend's m.i.p. ticket got thrown out of the court with no repercussions. so we went home and started playing beer pong at 1015 AM. i think we must have played at least 8 games in a row since we we're so excited, not to mention the side drinks we had. We took it outside, continuining drinking, attempting to play basketball and suddenly getting very hungry. So we ordered by asking a place what they're biggest size was and to just send that. After more pong, the pizza arrived and it was the best meal any of us have ever had. EVER. Oh man what a day. (ehem passed out at 130pm on my lawn ehem)
#2-- 6AM to 7PM
In what could be contructed as the greatest feat of mankind, I held a kegger at my mom's house while she was away and it was AWESOME. Thing is, I had to work the next day at 6AM to 7PM with no breaks. After a few kegstands and more and more drinks, it was suddenly 4AM and I was hammered. In order to be avoiding sleep and wake up a little, we took a 4AM Dunking Donuts run which really didnt help, in fact it made me sick. I went to work, plastered, and did all my setups. Another guy there had a similar night to me so we were fucking off the wall. I feel asleep, on shift, from 630am-8am. Still drunk, I worked it off and worked all fucking day in that shithole until 7pm, only to throw another large party at my moms house that very night. I was delirious for days on end, but the experience is undeniably the most ridiculous thing you could ever imagine. Just fucking insane.
#1-- My 21st Birthday
Kegger at the dads. Starting at 10AM and going til midnight. 25 shots. Over 20 Beers and NO vomit. So hightlights from the night
-Me throwing a stress ball instead of a ping pong ball, knocking over all 10 cups and spilling it all on a girl
-Me jumping through a table and breaking it in half while scabbing my knees
-Doing a quadruple shot of Goldschlager after I'd already done 21 shots
-Falling down over 20 times, knocking over my iPod dock 4 times
-Trying to break awkward silences, I tried to break the ice by saying "yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo....." but couldnt stop and had nothing to say after that
-Kicking everyone off of my deck just to make a phone call
-Passing out on my dads kitchen table
-2 Shots Vodka, 4 shots Tequila, 19 shots Goldschlager
Well after the book list, I thought I'd entertain you in a different way and point out my biggest weaknesses and what happpens when I give in to them. Who knows what my next post will be about but I'm sure it will have something to do with amazingness. That is all.
BYE
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Sunday, June 24, 2007
I've Been Drunk for About a Week Now and I Thought it might Sober me Up to Sit In a Library
Don't worry, I haven't been drunk for that long, that's a quote from The Great Gatsby. So today, I'm gonna list you off the 6 best books written since 1900. And this will be completely accurate since I have read every single book written since then. The words on this page are irrefutable. Just ask the President of Truman State University, the school allows students to cite my blog as a credible source on anything and everything as pure truth. So....Alright then, let's have it.
DUN DUN DUN
Vanna, if you would please......
THE SIXTH MOST EXCELLENT NOVEL
Brave New World
by Aldous Huxley
A wild portrait of a utopian future is a somewhat controversial novel, but the best ones usually are. The irony of the novel is what makes it so entertaining. People live in a utopia where everyone is always happy but in order to acheive this utopia, religion, family, art, literature, and culture are all taken away. The impact of this novel is so great because the sex and drug use, the only pleasures really enjoyed by the people in this novel, mirrors some of what society IS really all about. If we self-medicate and screw to make ourselves happy, while losing the core human values and curiosity, are we really living in a utopia? That's the great thing about this novel; it shows you that there really may be no such thing as a utopia, even if you think your living in one.
THE FIFTH MOST EXCELLENT NOVEL
Catch-22
by Joseph Heller
Set in World War II period Italy and following a bunch of American soldiers, this is the novel that coined the phrase. What makes Catch-22 an excellent read is that it points out how absurd the rules we live by are. It paints a bigger picture, showing how we've almost put more importance on trivial rules of life, rather than the ones affecting life and death. The immense amount of situations that the book describes as being a "catch-22" also gives us a look at how our lives border on absurdity by listening to governmental, religious, or even familial rules or laws. Is there really any honor in dying in war? Or surviving it, for that mattter? Heller's wartime experiences helped him write the novel and you can tell how much his wartime experiences affected him and so many others.
THE FOURTH MOST EXCELLENT NOVEL
The Great Gatsby
by F. Scott Fitzgerald
A novel following the "Jazz Age" period of the 1920s, Fitzgerald's novel paints a somewhat dark portrait of the wealthy during this period. His novel shows that although being rich is ideal, immorality and loss of values also came with it. During a period of large economic boom, Gatsby is an intensly written novel that shows us how dangerous materialism is and what it can do to us. Although, even today, being rich is most people's goal, it can make you a completely different person.
THE THIRD MOST EXCELLENT NOVEL
Darkness at Noon
by Arthur Koestler
The tale of an old Russian soldier standing trial for treason is probably the least popular book on this list. The author, who himself spent time imprisoned by Spanish leader Fransisco Franco, does a great job of openly showing the seriousness of the Stalin-era purges in Russia, although Russia is never even named in the book. Why I think this book is so good is that you see the hypocricy in the Soviet Communist system by showing how everyone is supposed to be equal and work together for the state but those that created it or want to make it better are sent off to be killed or charged with treason. Stalin or Russia are never named in the novel, yet the powerful feeling you get from the vague refrences to them just gives you chills at how completely out of wack power can make some people. Plus, I really hate communism.
THE SECOND MOST EXCELLENT NOVEL
Lolita
by Vladimir Nabokov
A truly disturbing book that is hard to put down? Well, that's exactly how I would describe this book. The author is centered around a man obsessed with young girls (realllllly young, like 10 yrs old). The way it is consctructed and put together really make it a great read, regardless of the yucky subject matter. And although the plot is disgusting, it is full of refrences to American culture, humorous word play, puns, and numerous other entertaining plot devices that make the novel's dark subject more tolerable for the reader. It doesn't endorse pedofilia, as the character does suffer harsh consequences. It may be hard to believe, but this book is both funny and tragic at the same time, when you think with this subject it would be just the opposite.
THE MOST EXCELLENT NOVEL WRITTEN
My Autobiography
by Mike Dolan
Ok, just kidding. But I should write it, it would be a bestseller.
THE TRUE MOST EXCELLENT NOVEL WRITTEN
Ulysses
by James Joyce
James Joyce's best novel (the Irish dominate) is not great because of its subject matter, rather the way it the novel is presented. One of the first novels to use the "Stream-of-conciousness" technique, following the main characters thoughts, Joyce really displays a modern day "Odyssey", which can be seen from the title. Full of parody and complete change of writing style from chapter to chapter may make this novel very difficult to read but well worth it. Joyce shows no fear in breaking away from the norms of his colleagues and blends the most superb and masterful prose to a point of near perfection while following the characters journey.
So, how'd ya like that? I thought I'd give you a book list for the summer. I'm sure you'll all flock to the library immediately. If nothing else, at least now you know the titles of some of the greatest books written in the past century. If you are brave enough go read them to give you something to do before my next blogging comes up. Enjoy yourselves and see ya soon........
DUN DUN DUN
Vanna, if you would please......
THE SIXTH MOST EXCELLENT NOVEL
Brave New World
by Aldous Huxley
A wild portrait of a utopian future is a somewhat controversial novel, but the best ones usually are. The irony of the novel is what makes it so entertaining. People live in a utopia where everyone is always happy but in order to acheive this utopia, religion, family, art, literature, and culture are all taken away. The impact of this novel is so great because the sex and drug use, the only pleasures really enjoyed by the people in this novel, mirrors some of what society IS really all about. If we self-medicate and screw to make ourselves happy, while losing the core human values and curiosity, are we really living in a utopia? That's the great thing about this novel; it shows you that there really may be no such thing as a utopia, even if you think your living in one.
THE FIFTH MOST EXCELLENT NOVEL
Catch-22
by Joseph Heller
Set in World War II period Italy and following a bunch of American soldiers, this is the novel that coined the phrase. What makes Catch-22 an excellent read is that it points out how absurd the rules we live by are. It paints a bigger picture, showing how we've almost put more importance on trivial rules of life, rather than the ones affecting life and death. The immense amount of situations that the book describes as being a "catch-22" also gives us a look at how our lives border on absurdity by listening to governmental, religious, or even familial rules or laws. Is there really any honor in dying in war? Or surviving it, for that mattter? Heller's wartime experiences helped him write the novel and you can tell how much his wartime experiences affected him and so many others.
THE FOURTH MOST EXCELLENT NOVEL
The Great Gatsby
by F. Scott Fitzgerald
A novel following the "Jazz Age" period of the 1920s, Fitzgerald's novel paints a somewhat dark portrait of the wealthy during this period. His novel shows that although being rich is ideal, immorality and loss of values also came with it. During a period of large economic boom, Gatsby is an intensly written novel that shows us how dangerous materialism is and what it can do to us. Although, even today, being rich is most people's goal, it can make you a completely different person.
THE THIRD MOST EXCELLENT NOVEL
Darkness at Noon
by Arthur Koestler
The tale of an old Russian soldier standing trial for treason is probably the least popular book on this list. The author, who himself spent time imprisoned by Spanish leader Fransisco Franco, does a great job of openly showing the seriousness of the Stalin-era purges in Russia, although Russia is never even named in the book. Why I think this book is so good is that you see the hypocricy in the Soviet Communist system by showing how everyone is supposed to be equal and work together for the state but those that created it or want to make it better are sent off to be killed or charged with treason. Stalin or Russia are never named in the novel, yet the powerful feeling you get from the vague refrences to them just gives you chills at how completely out of wack power can make some people. Plus, I really hate communism.
THE SECOND MOST EXCELLENT NOVEL
Lolita
by Vladimir Nabokov
A truly disturbing book that is hard to put down? Well, that's exactly how I would describe this book. The author is centered around a man obsessed with young girls (realllllly young, like 10 yrs old). The way it is consctructed and put together really make it a great read, regardless of the yucky subject matter. And although the plot is disgusting, it is full of refrences to American culture, humorous word play, puns, and numerous other entertaining plot devices that make the novel's dark subject more tolerable for the reader. It doesn't endorse pedofilia, as the character does suffer harsh consequences. It may be hard to believe, but this book is both funny and tragic at the same time, when you think with this subject it would be just the opposite.
THE MOST EXCELLENT NOVEL WRITTEN
My Autobiography
by Mike Dolan
Ok, just kidding. But I should write it, it would be a bestseller.
THE TRUE MOST EXCELLENT NOVEL WRITTEN
Ulysses
by James Joyce
James Joyce's best novel (the Irish dominate) is not great because of its subject matter, rather the way it the novel is presented. One of the first novels to use the "Stream-of-conciousness" technique, following the main characters thoughts, Joyce really displays a modern day "Odyssey", which can be seen from the title. Full of parody and complete change of writing style from chapter to chapter may make this novel very difficult to read but well worth it. Joyce shows no fear in breaking away from the norms of his colleagues and blends the most superb and masterful prose to a point of near perfection while following the characters journey.
So, how'd ya like that? I thought I'd give you a book list for the summer. I'm sure you'll all flock to the library immediately. If nothing else, at least now you know the titles of some of the greatest books written in the past century. If you are brave enough go read them to give you something to do before my next blogging comes up. Enjoy yourselves and see ya soon........
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Get Your Priorities Straight
As of late I have unfortunately strayed away from what makes my blog so entertainingly awesome and written about the entertainment world, which I apologize for. So do you want more of the old, beautiful, intelligent writing that graced this blog for oh so long? well, you got it. so today, i'm getting my priorities straight, to tell you the 5 most important military decisions (mostly mistakes) of the last 300 years. I cant go past 300 years because people used to fight wayyyyyy more back in the old days and just don't have that kind of.....patience to go through every single damn battle of the last 4,000 years. But honestly, let's have it already Mike. And no, the current Iraq invasion will NOT be on the list. Sorry, you die-hard liberals.
5. Custer's Last Stand at Little Big Horn in 1876
Going after the Indians unprepared for what was in store and sending off his other general onto the other side were the biggest mistakes made by Custer. The only survivor out of Custer's crew was a horse. When he sent off his other general, gen. Reno, around 300 of Custer's men were quickly accosted by a number of Indian forces who killed all of Custer's men and the general himself in just under 3 hours. Besides being a memorial site, Custer's mistake caused his other generals to stand trial for cowardice and many tales of heroism and bravery come from this very battle, but that's mostly because noone likes the Indians. Still.
4. Pickett's Charge in the US Civil War
Pickett's Charge effectively ended the Battle of Gettysburg and the Confederate's campaign in Pennsylvania. The Confederate army stretched out a mile long but had to advance an open field directly below Union forces a mile long. Suffice to say, the Confederate army was annihiliated and lost over half their forces before being forced to retreat. Obviously, the Battle of Gettysburg was a major turning point in the civil war so the blunder's effects on history are of great importance. Lee's desperation in ordering the attack was a major blow to the Confederate army and the South's chances in the war.
3. Napoleon invades Russia in 1812
550,000 French vs. 250,000 Russians. Easy enough victory right? HA! Besides leading to his exile, death, and for ever being associated with the insecurities of short people, Napoleon made a very unwise decision to invade Russia. Out of the 550,000 men he brought with him, only 20,000 made it back home. The French army was completely devestated. The Russians, although struggling at first, used their brilliant scorched earth tactics in the cold Russian winter to deprive the French of food, horses, and weapons on their way back making them easy targets for attacks and starvation. Not only destroying the French army, the victory for Russia led to a huge rise in patriotism in Russia in the 19th century. Also, it led to the French being the world's biggest cowards ever as of today.
2. Hitler's invasion of Russia in 1942/Declaration against U.S.
Hitler had it all: Poland, France, most of Eastern Europe, his plan against the Jews was working, and he had very powerful allies in Russia, Japan, and Italy. Then instead of just kicking the field goal, he got greedy and went for the game winning hail mary touchdown pass. Well, this is what happens when you get cocky and stupid: you lose almost 2 million troops, with almost another 500,000 captured. The Germans and their allies were no match for the HUGE Soviet army and weren't prepared for the harsh winter conditions the battle was to be fought in. If Hitler didn't invade Russia, we might be calling Europe "Germany" instead and communism may have spread farther and wider than we could ever imagine. So, even though nobody likes a commie, this may be the best thing that the communist ever did. Evil against eviler, with evil coming out on top.
1. Japanese bomb Pearl Harbor
The Japanese decision to bomb Pearl Harbor, although successful in itself, led to disasterous consequences for the Japanese and their allies. Besides leading to the U.S. declaring war and dropping the A-bombs on the country, the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor led to Germany declaring war on the U.S., getting the U.S. involved in the European front, and the defeat of the Axis of Evil. Japan sort of knew they didnt have much of a chance left in the war. So they threw all their chips into the center of the table. They had a good hand at first, but as the cards flipped over, it got worse card after card. Ok, bad analogy. The U.S. got kinda pissed so they shat on the entire country of Japan and it's immediate future. They sent a ton of youngsters to Germany and France and led the fight against the Germans. Russia joined the Allies. Hitler and Mussolini both were killed by themselves or others. You get the picture. Japan fucked us. We fucked them, their families, and everyone they knew. And this is where the U.S. starts to get cocky militarily. End of supposed heroism by U.S. and allies.
Thanks for reading again. The summer is getting hot and the blog is heating up once again with more on topic thingies. So keep tuning in and I will keep you entertained, I promise. And if I don't, well, put your complaint in my suggestion box.
5. Custer's Last Stand at Little Big Horn in 1876
Going after the Indians unprepared for what was in store and sending off his other general onto the other side were the biggest mistakes made by Custer. The only survivor out of Custer's crew was a horse. When he sent off his other general, gen. Reno, around 300 of Custer's men were quickly accosted by a number of Indian forces who killed all of Custer's men and the general himself in just under 3 hours. Besides being a memorial site, Custer's mistake caused his other generals to stand trial for cowardice and many tales of heroism and bravery come from this very battle, but that's mostly because noone likes the Indians. Still.
4. Pickett's Charge in the US Civil War
Pickett's Charge effectively ended the Battle of Gettysburg and the Confederate's campaign in Pennsylvania. The Confederate army stretched out a mile long but had to advance an open field directly below Union forces a mile long. Suffice to say, the Confederate army was annihiliated and lost over half their forces before being forced to retreat. Obviously, the Battle of Gettysburg was a major turning point in the civil war so the blunder's effects on history are of great importance. Lee's desperation in ordering the attack was a major blow to the Confederate army and the South's chances in the war.
3. Napoleon invades Russia in 1812
550,000 French vs. 250,000 Russians. Easy enough victory right? HA! Besides leading to his exile, death, and for ever being associated with the insecurities of short people, Napoleon made a very unwise decision to invade Russia. Out of the 550,000 men he brought with him, only 20,000 made it back home. The French army was completely devestated. The Russians, although struggling at first, used their brilliant scorched earth tactics in the cold Russian winter to deprive the French of food, horses, and weapons on their way back making them easy targets for attacks and starvation. Not only destroying the French army, the victory for Russia led to a huge rise in patriotism in Russia in the 19th century. Also, it led to the French being the world's biggest cowards ever as of today.
2. Hitler's invasion of Russia in 1942/Declaration against U.S.
Hitler had it all: Poland, France, most of Eastern Europe, his plan against the Jews was working, and he had very powerful allies in Russia, Japan, and Italy. Then instead of just kicking the field goal, he got greedy and went for the game winning hail mary touchdown pass. Well, this is what happens when you get cocky and stupid: you lose almost 2 million troops, with almost another 500,000 captured. The Germans and their allies were no match for the HUGE Soviet army and weren't prepared for the harsh winter conditions the battle was to be fought in. If Hitler didn't invade Russia, we might be calling Europe "Germany" instead and communism may have spread farther and wider than we could ever imagine. So, even though nobody likes a commie, this may be the best thing that the communist ever did. Evil against eviler, with evil coming out on top.
1. Japanese bomb Pearl Harbor
The Japanese decision to bomb Pearl Harbor, although successful in itself, led to disasterous consequences for the Japanese and their allies. Besides leading to the U.S. declaring war and dropping the A-bombs on the country, the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor led to Germany declaring war on the U.S., getting the U.S. involved in the European front, and the defeat of the Axis of Evil. Japan sort of knew they didnt have much of a chance left in the war. So they threw all their chips into the center of the table. They had a good hand at first, but as the cards flipped over, it got worse card after card. Ok, bad analogy. The U.S. got kinda pissed so they shat on the entire country of Japan and it's immediate future. They sent a ton of youngsters to Germany and France and led the fight against the Germans. Russia joined the Allies. Hitler and Mussolini both were killed by themselves or others. You get the picture. Japan fucked us. We fucked them, their families, and everyone they knew. And this is where the U.S. starts to get cocky militarily. End of supposed heroism by U.S. and allies.
Thanks for reading again. The summer is getting hot and the blog is heating up once again with more on topic thingies. So keep tuning in and I will keep you entertained, I promise. And if I don't, well, put your complaint in my suggestion box.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
The Best and Worst of TV
Let's talk about one of my favorite things just behind coffee, booze, and sex. TELEVISION! I'm going to offer up my opinion on the top 5 shows currently on air and the worst top 5 shows currently on air. So let's go.
TOP FIVE CURRENT TV SHOWS
5. Prison Break
The second season of Prison Break lived very much up to the first one. With the addition of William Fincher, a very fine TV actor, the show really picked up and almost improved on it's great 1st season. Although the acting is a little ehhhhhhhh, Prison Break is one of the most consistently entertaining programs on TV. It's one of those shows you don't expect much from but are pretty much always entertained by it.
4. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
If you haven't seen this show, you should go watch it immediately. The lack of exposure this show has gotten has baffled me but the hilariously entertaining cast tackles just about every social issue in a downright ridiculous way. The egos and idiocy in all of the characters make this show one of the funniest on TV. The addition of Danny DeVito was also helpful for the show and provides even more awkwardly hilarious storylines.
3. Heroes
Despite the lack of a cast who can even remotely act, Heroes managed to be one of the most entertaining shows of the year. Although I have a feeling it will suck next season, I was very surprised at how blindly entertained I was by this show, even though the acting sucks, the dialougue is pathetic, and the blonde chick who plays Nikki/Jessica makes me want to throw a rock through my TV set. But still, the shows concept and storyline made for a helluva entertaining series so far and I'll be tuning in to see where they go with it.
2. The Office (U.S.)
The Office is the most consistently funny and entertaining show on NBC at the moment. Steve Carrell as Michael, the incompetent boss, is one of the most perfectly played characters on TV. The Office does the best job of blending story and irrelevance of any show I've seen in my time. Not only that, but the supporting cast consistently plays their characters with the same personality, even in such minor roles. Rarely do you find a show where you can really love all the characters but in "The Office", it's hard not to.
1. Lost
Lost is the best show on TV simply because it blends a numerous amount of somewhat similar but very different characters and not only explores their present situation but their pasts as well. Name me another show that can do that. Lost unique blend of sci-fi/suspense/romance/comedy/and mystery is not only entertaining but gets you to think about what you just saw, making it easier to watch over and over and over. Although coming off somewhat of a down season, it's still the best show on TV hands down.
Honorable Mentions: Arrested Development would have been #2 if it was still on. The Sopranos is great but I havent seen enough to put it on the list, plus it's over. Entourage is also a great show and probably is #6.
TOP FIVE WORST SHOWS (Currently airing for 1+ seasons)
5. War at Home
This load of crap that came out the back of Fox's ass is not funny. At all. It's just so bad. The actors, dialogue, writing, execution is all just insanely horrible. Plus, it's on Fox.
4. Two and a Half Men
Hey, remember when Charlie Sheen was funny? Wait, you can't? Come to think of it, neither can I. Put him on CBS, throw in a few talentless C-level actors, add a ridiculously dumb plot, and WHA-LA! You get this half-hour crapfest that, without a laugh track, would be like watching an even worse version of Will and Grace without any gay people in it.
3. So You Think You Can Dance?
No, I don't and you can't either. Why do people watch shows like this? I really don't understand the logic. You know what they should do, and this isn't to be racist, but have this show as the TV version of You Got Served and just basically have dance offs, with a ridiculous judging panel like 50 Cent, Racheal Ray, Zach Braff, and Ludacris. Now THAT would be entertaining. This is just crap.
2. Mind of Mencia
Does anyone else think that Carlos Mencia is the most unfunny person on TV right now? You scream, your annoying, and your a racist Mexican. We get it. Your show is just a wannabe Chappelle's Show. A Mexican making fun of a black or asian person just isn't as funny because, well, Mexican's are pretty easy to make fun of too. I am not generally offended by his jokes, just offended that people think they are funny.
1. American Idol
Please God, someone stop this show from airing. I just can't take it anymore. Please no more William Hungs and Sanjayas. No more Simon Cowell telling everyone they can't sing when he has never sung in his life. Or Paula Abdul throwing temper tantrums. Or Ryan Seacrest being alive. WHAT IS THE APPEAL? Laugh if they suck at first then cheer the rest on as they SING. THIS IS THE TOP SHOW IN AMERICA. HOW? Listening to people sing or get criticized for bad singing is what people find MOST ENTERTAINING? For God's sake, Fox News is more entertaining than this load of horseshit. And it's destroying America. With shows like Heroes, Lost, 24, Prison Break, Grey's Anatomy, South Park, The Office, or the pointless crap on MTV, it's amazing that people can't find something to watch that is more entertaining than watching people sing. GO TO CHURCH IF YOU WANT SINGING OR A FUCKING CONCERT. Whew, I need to settle down a little.
There you have it, the best and the worst of TV. Keep tuning in, to that blog that is, and I'll have more for you shortly.
TOP FIVE CURRENT TV SHOWS
5. Prison Break
The second season of Prison Break lived very much up to the first one. With the addition of William Fincher, a very fine TV actor, the show really picked up and almost improved on it's great 1st season. Although the acting is a little ehhhhhhhh, Prison Break is one of the most consistently entertaining programs on TV. It's one of those shows you don't expect much from but are pretty much always entertained by it.
4. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
If you haven't seen this show, you should go watch it immediately. The lack of exposure this show has gotten has baffled me but the hilariously entertaining cast tackles just about every social issue in a downright ridiculous way. The egos and idiocy in all of the characters make this show one of the funniest on TV. The addition of Danny DeVito was also helpful for the show and provides even more awkwardly hilarious storylines.
3. Heroes
Despite the lack of a cast who can even remotely act, Heroes managed to be one of the most entertaining shows of the year. Although I have a feeling it will suck next season, I was very surprised at how blindly entertained I was by this show, even though the acting sucks, the dialougue is pathetic, and the blonde chick who plays Nikki/Jessica makes me want to throw a rock through my TV set. But still, the shows concept and storyline made for a helluva entertaining series so far and I'll be tuning in to see where they go with it.
2. The Office (U.S.)
The Office is the most consistently funny and entertaining show on NBC at the moment. Steve Carrell as Michael, the incompetent boss, is one of the most perfectly played characters on TV. The Office does the best job of blending story and irrelevance of any show I've seen in my time. Not only that, but the supporting cast consistently plays their characters with the same personality, even in such minor roles. Rarely do you find a show where you can really love all the characters but in "The Office", it's hard not to.
1. Lost
Lost is the best show on TV simply because it blends a numerous amount of somewhat similar but very different characters and not only explores their present situation but their pasts as well. Name me another show that can do that. Lost unique blend of sci-fi/suspense/romance/comedy/and mystery is not only entertaining but gets you to think about what you just saw, making it easier to watch over and over and over. Although coming off somewhat of a down season, it's still the best show on TV hands down.
Honorable Mentions: Arrested Development would have been #2 if it was still on. The Sopranos is great but I havent seen enough to put it on the list, plus it's over. Entourage is also a great show and probably is #6.
TOP FIVE WORST SHOWS (Currently airing for 1+ seasons)
5. War at Home
This load of crap that came out the back of Fox's ass is not funny. At all. It's just so bad. The actors, dialogue, writing, execution is all just insanely horrible. Plus, it's on Fox.
4. Two and a Half Men
Hey, remember when Charlie Sheen was funny? Wait, you can't? Come to think of it, neither can I. Put him on CBS, throw in a few talentless C-level actors, add a ridiculously dumb plot, and WHA-LA! You get this half-hour crapfest that, without a laugh track, would be like watching an even worse version of Will and Grace without any gay people in it.
3. So You Think You Can Dance?
No, I don't and you can't either. Why do people watch shows like this? I really don't understand the logic. You know what they should do, and this isn't to be racist, but have this show as the TV version of You Got Served and just basically have dance offs, with a ridiculous judging panel like 50 Cent, Racheal Ray, Zach Braff, and Ludacris. Now THAT would be entertaining. This is just crap.
2. Mind of Mencia
Does anyone else think that Carlos Mencia is the most unfunny person on TV right now? You scream, your annoying, and your a racist Mexican. We get it. Your show is just a wannabe Chappelle's Show. A Mexican making fun of a black or asian person just isn't as funny because, well, Mexican's are pretty easy to make fun of too. I am not generally offended by his jokes, just offended that people think they are funny.
1. American Idol
Please God, someone stop this show from airing. I just can't take it anymore. Please no more William Hungs and Sanjayas. No more Simon Cowell telling everyone they can't sing when he has never sung in his life. Or Paula Abdul throwing temper tantrums. Or Ryan Seacrest being alive. WHAT IS THE APPEAL? Laugh if they suck at first then cheer the rest on as they SING. THIS IS THE TOP SHOW IN AMERICA. HOW? Listening to people sing or get criticized for bad singing is what people find MOST ENTERTAINING? For God's sake, Fox News is more entertaining than this load of horseshit. And it's destroying America. With shows like Heroes, Lost, 24, Prison Break, Grey's Anatomy, South Park, The Office, or the pointless crap on MTV, it's amazing that people can't find something to watch that is more entertaining than watching people sing. GO TO CHURCH IF YOU WANT SINGING OR A FUCKING CONCERT. Whew, I need to settle down a little.
There you have it, the best and the worst of TV. Keep tuning in, to that blog that is, and I'll have more for you shortly.
Saturday, June 9, 2007
Hollywood's (Lack of) Vision
Hey there. I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack. Sorry for the delay but I am in summer mode here and don't really feel like blogging. But I will give you your fix of my blog for the time being and try and update it at least bimonthly. Today, I will enlighten you with my opinion on the summer movie season, overloaded with sequels and crap. Pretty much the same old Hollywood story.
Don't believe me? Here is a list of every sequel coming out this summer: Spiderman 3, Ocean's Thirteen, POTC 3, The Bourne Ultimatum, Shrek 3, Fantastic Four 2, Rush Hour 3, Hostel II, Evan Almighty, 28 Weeks Later, Live Free or Die Hard, Harry Potter and Order of Phoenix, and DADDY DAY CAMP.
Please, will someone come up with a new idea? If it wasn't for the comedic genius that is "Knocked Up" this summer would be full of horrible movies and movies that just are the Same Old Shit. But you know what? Me, You, and the rest of the known universe will still keep seeing these movies because of the lack of options. So let's review:
The Good:
Knocked Up, 28 Weeks Later, Harry Potter 39, maybe Bourne 3
Hey there, an original movie! What a concept! Maybe that's why it's gotten such good reviews, as well as box office success (knocked up, that is). Good comedies are few and far between nowadays and you should go relish the chance to see an utterly hilarious movie that is almost a sequel to the 40-year old virgin. 28, Potter, and Bourne all have the potential to be good I suppose but I haven't seen any of them so I'm really just guessing. They could all be awful, but Potter will destroy the box office success of Pirates and Spiderman, no matter how good or bad it is.
The Bad:
Spiderman 3, POTC 3, Shrek 3, Fantastic Four 2, Evan Almighty, Die Hard 4
Spiderman, POTC, and Shrek were all major dissapointments. None of these movies could match their original first movies in quality, although majorly outdoing them at the box office. Fantastic Four wasn't good to begin with, I'm kind of surprised they made a sequel, but then again, capatilize on the comic book movie while you still can I guess. Evan Almighty, the highest budget for a comedy ever, is rated PG and seems like it's gonna be a kids movie, which dashes any hope I had for the very funny Steve Carrell this summer, unless I watch Office reruns. Die Hard 4? Slowly ruining the legacy of the first 3. Just like Indiana Jones 4 will do when it comes out. Booooooooooo.
The Very, Very Ugly:
Rush Hour 3, Daddy Day Camp, Hostel II
What are people thinking? This list makes me wanna vomit. Rush Hour 3? It's a Chris Tucker sighting! Talk about what happened to your career, or don't because I don't really care. Daddy Day Camp? With CUBA GOODING JR.? Please, someone pour me a vodka. HOSTEL II?!?!?! On second thought, make that drink a double. The sad thing is that people will actually see these movies, spending over 8 dollars on these big pieces of dog shit that studios think will make money. I can't believe this. I'm going to go write a script for Big Momma's House 3 and see if it will sell because why not cash in on the retardedness of people.
Whew that was horrible. So don't waste the good weather inside at a movie theatre. Go to the beach, play sports, go to concerts, but whatever you do, stay away from your local movie theatre this summer. But really, who am I kidding, I won't even be able to.....
Don't believe me? Here is a list of every sequel coming out this summer: Spiderman 3, Ocean's Thirteen, POTC 3, The Bourne Ultimatum, Shrek 3, Fantastic Four 2, Rush Hour 3, Hostel II, Evan Almighty, 28 Weeks Later, Live Free or Die Hard, Harry Potter and Order of Phoenix, and DADDY DAY CAMP.
Please, will someone come up with a new idea? If it wasn't for the comedic genius that is "Knocked Up" this summer would be full of horrible movies and movies that just are the Same Old Shit. But you know what? Me, You, and the rest of the known universe will still keep seeing these movies because of the lack of options. So let's review:
The Good:
Knocked Up, 28 Weeks Later, Harry Potter 39, maybe Bourne 3
Hey there, an original movie! What a concept! Maybe that's why it's gotten such good reviews, as well as box office success (knocked up, that is). Good comedies are few and far between nowadays and you should go relish the chance to see an utterly hilarious movie that is almost a sequel to the 40-year old virgin. 28, Potter, and Bourne all have the potential to be good I suppose but I haven't seen any of them so I'm really just guessing. They could all be awful, but Potter will destroy the box office success of Pirates and Spiderman, no matter how good or bad it is.
The Bad:
Spiderman 3, POTC 3, Shrek 3, Fantastic Four 2, Evan Almighty, Die Hard 4
Spiderman, POTC, and Shrek were all major dissapointments. None of these movies could match their original first movies in quality, although majorly outdoing them at the box office. Fantastic Four wasn't good to begin with, I'm kind of surprised they made a sequel, but then again, capatilize on the comic book movie while you still can I guess. Evan Almighty, the highest budget for a comedy ever, is rated PG and seems like it's gonna be a kids movie, which dashes any hope I had for the very funny Steve Carrell this summer, unless I watch Office reruns. Die Hard 4? Slowly ruining the legacy of the first 3. Just like Indiana Jones 4 will do when it comes out. Booooooooooo.
The Very, Very Ugly:
Rush Hour 3, Daddy Day Camp, Hostel II
What are people thinking? This list makes me wanna vomit. Rush Hour 3? It's a Chris Tucker sighting! Talk about what happened to your career, or don't because I don't really care. Daddy Day Camp? With CUBA GOODING JR.? Please, someone pour me a vodka. HOSTEL II?!?!?! On second thought, make that drink a double. The sad thing is that people will actually see these movies, spending over 8 dollars on these big pieces of dog shit that studios think will make money. I can't believe this. I'm going to go write a script for Big Momma's House 3 and see if it will sell because why not cash in on the retardedness of people.
Whew that was horrible. So don't waste the good weather inside at a movie theatre. Go to the beach, play sports, go to concerts, but whatever you do, stay away from your local movie theatre this summer. But really, who am I kidding, I won't even be able to.....
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