Yup, that's right. I'm taking Espn's most annoying segment and turning it into a political fiasco that will offend conservatives, liberals, moderates, and communistts alike.
Let's take a look at the bracket's here and then get into it.
STALIN BRACKET
#1 Vladimir Putin vs. #4 George W Bush
#2 Hu Jintao vs. #3 Queen Elizibeth II
DE GAULLE BRACKET
#1 Nicholos Sarkozy vs. #4 Gordon Brown
#2 Fidel Castro vs. #3 Kim Jong-Il
PABLO ESCOBAR BRACKET
#1 Pratibha Patil vs. #4 Alvaro Uribe
#2 King Rama IX vs. #3 HM King Bhumibol Adulyadej
NIXON BRACKET
#1 Denis Sassou Nguesso vs. #4 Pervez Musharaeff
#2 Mahmoud Ahmadinejad vs. #3 Omar Hassan Ahmad al-Bashir
LET"S GET IT ON!
Escobar region #1 PM Patil of India vs. #4 Pres. Uribe of Colombia. Patil has become PM in a nation heavily populated and has notorious women's rights violations. She has risen from 40 years of service in the Indian government to finally serve her nation in the highest capacity. She has alot going for her at the moment. Uribe has had a tough time in drug infested Colombia but has done a nice job considering. However, he just doesnt have what it takes to keep up with Patil at the moment.
Winner: PM Patil of India
#2 King Rama vs. King ADulyajed
Trick question, they are the same person! (didn't realize til I typed it and now I'm just giving him the win
Winner: King Rama IX of Thailand
#1 PM Patil vs. #2 King Rama IX
With Patil so new on the scene, it's hard to see what she's thinking going against the longest serving head of state of all time. Although Patil does have a considerable amount of support, Rama's popularity is unparralled to hers. I have to give it to Rama because of his immense popularity for so many years and still is more popular than Patil.
Escobar Region Winner: #2 King Rama IX of Thailand
Nixon Bracket
#1 Denis Sassou Nguesso (Nigeria) vs. #4 Pervez Musharaeff (Pakistan)
Both have had their share of probelms, with Nguesso splurging all his countries money on himself, while Musharaeff is having a hard time gaining support in his country. Since Nguesso is facing a trial and Musharaeff is facing much criticim at home and abroad, it's tough to say in this one. But I think Musharaeff will take it in the upset, just because of the massive amount of press he's gotten lately and Nguesso's lack of exposure on the international circuit.
Winner: #4 Musharaeff
#2 Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran vs. #3 Omar Hassan Ahmad al-Bashir of Sudan
Wow, possibly the toughest matchup of the tourney. Iran vs Sudan here. Both are getting major buzz all over the news all the time. However, I think al-Bashir takes this one becasue his exposure is more worldwide, while the Iranians are more of a western threat. The Darfur situation has rallied an entire world against Sudan and you can't get much more NOW than that.
Winner: #3 al-Bashir
#4 Perez Musharaeff of Pakistan vs. #3 Omar al-Bashir of Sudan
Well, I certainly can't give the Darfur situation less credibility as a NOW situation than the situation in Pakistan, which is like a girl scout retreat in comparison. So al-Bashir gets this, as Musharaeff needs to globalize his countries newsfeed if he wants to win this next year.
Nixon Winner: Omar al-Bashir of Sudan
Stalin Region
#1 Vladimir Putin vs. #4 George W Bush
Bush vs Putin has been brewing for years now. Neither likes each other at all. Putin has had alot of criticism for that spy that they killed and much other stuff. Bush, i dont really need to explain. Putin is a judo master, while Bush likes to walk around the garden. I dunno, I guess with both terms ending soon, I'll give this matchup to putin because he's got somesort of credibility left.
Winner: Vladimir Putin
#2 Hu Jintao vs. #3 Queen Elizibeth II
The new president of China hasn't been around enough to hang with the Queen. Plus, with that movie about her last year getting some Oscars, the Queen is definitely, even now, the most now.
Winner: The Queen
#1 Putin vs. #3 Queen Elizibeth II
Now this is tough. Sure, Putin's been around a while but his term ends in 08 and the Queen will reign on until she dies. So she can stay in the spotlight much longer than Putin. And she is now. So, she takes the crown on this one.
Winner: Queen Elizibth II
DE GAULLE BRACKET
#1 Nicholos Sarkozy vs. #4 Gordon Brown
The president of France really has nothing on the new PM of the UK. Nobody likes the French except for the French, everyone just makes fun of them behind their back. Honestly, when was the last time a French politician even got any publicity? World WAr 2? Brown takes it home for England, proving the French really can't win anything.
Winner: #4 Gordon Brown
#2 Fidel Castro vs. #3 Kim Jong-Il
Probably the most difficult matchup in the whole tournament. Castro has been in the news, but it was for a sickness. Kim was in the news but for a failed nuclear explosion. However, the world is much more worried about the threat of Kim Jong-Il than it is about Castro. Castro's almost dead, while it seems Jong-Il's terror reign is just getting heated up.
Winner: #3 Kim Jong Il
#4 Gordon Brown vs. #3 Kim Jong-Il
Again, even though Brown just took over for Tony Blair, he doesn't have the publicity that Jong-Il constantly generates. It may not be good publicity but like they say, no pub is bad pub. I think Brown's buzz has really died down while Jong-Il's never does. The commie's take it.
Winner: Kim Jong-Il
Semi-Finals
Stalin Region Winner vs. De Gaulle Winner
#3 Queen Elizabeth II vs. #3 Kim Jong-Il
This is a really tough matchup here. But I have to send Il to the finals and here's why: The Queen generates publicity by just being there, while as Jong-Il generates it through action and initiative. Not to say it's a good thing, it just is and he is constantly in the media's spotlight, waiting for another story about him, while a story about the Queen wouldn't be too exciting.
Winner: Kim Jong-Il
Pablo Escobor Winner vs. Nixon Winner
#3 Omar al-Bashir of Sudan vs. #2 King Rama IX of Thailand
Interesting match here, but Bashir's gonna take this one easily. The spotlight is squarely on Sudan for all peacekeeping organizations and the media, whereas King Rama has been getting little exposure at all and was a surprise winner in his region. al-Bashir has been in the spotlight more recently lately and still has the public attention's with teh situation in the Sudan.
Winner: Omar al-Bashir
CHAMPIONSHIP
#3 Omar al-Bashir of Sudan vs. #3 Kim Jong-Il of North Korea
OOOO MY!!!! You all know who;s gotta take this. The man with the biggest Napoleonic complex since the man himself, the man formed a personality cult around himself in his country, has set up nuclear weapons to make everyone very afraid, is a communist, constantly is in the news and seems to know exactly what he's doing. Al-Bashir's situation is different because the press is more around his country, not him. So I have to give the award to....
WINNER and What's "NOW" in the World: KIM JONG-IL of North Korea
WEll, that's it. I hope you enjoyed that a little at least. I thought it was kinda ridiculous actually. OH well, I will return soon with what some call my best blog yet, even though noone has read it and i haven't wrote it yet. Aur revior for now.
Friday, July 27, 2007
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Sporting Some Big Problems
What is going on with the sports world lately? It seems that all the major sports, Basketball, Football, Baseball, are going through some rough patches on and off the field. Today I have the solutions for the respective ambassadors of said sporting organizations for these very serious and very damaging problems. Let's tip it off.....
League: NFL
Problem(s): Michael Vick's Dog Fighting League, Adam "Pac-Man" Jones' multiple legal problems, other stupid people with money getting arrested constantly
Solution: Well, to start off, suspending Jones for the year was a good move. Suspending troubled Tank Johnson for a little was also good. Suspend Vick immediately for the entire season. There is no reason the 2nd richest player in the NFL should be going around, not just his state, but the ENTIRE COUNTRY starting a Fight Club for Dogs for fun. Stupid people with money. If he goes to jail for this, which he probably won't, it would be a major Public Relations hit for the league's image. The NFL should distance themselves from Vick completely and release a statement condeming this ridiculously stupid behavior.
League: MLB
Problem(s): Barry Bonds being alive
Solution: Ummm, kill him? Seriously though, Bonds' blatant lack of respect for the game has people cringing as he closes in on the all-time home run record. Minus San Fransisco nobody likes this guy at all. So the only thing Major League Baseball can do about this is hope Bonds breaks the record quickly, retires after the season, gets arrested for his doping crap, and Alex Rodriguez of the NY Yankees breaks the record in the next decade. Or anyone. It doesn't matter, as long as it's not Bonds. If Bonds does get arrested for steriods in the future, you could take his name out of the record books completely. However, it would need to be alot more than the bullshit perjury charges he's facing now.
League: UCI (cycling)
Problem: Major Racers Using 'Roids
Solution: Last year's champ, Floyd Landis, got his title taken away. The leader through more than half the race this year got taken out of the race. Both were accused of serious rules violations. Now I'm not too hot regarding the rules of cycling but if I were heading up this organization I would test racers BEFORE the races so they don't get suspended mid-race. Also you may want to hand out larger fines and penalties for these kinds of violations. Then again, it's just bike-riding.
League: NBA
Problem(s): Former ref fixing games
Solution: Now this is a tough one. From now on, the league needs to and will do major background checks on the people they hire, possibly even through the FBI and other federal org.'s. But this gambling thing with Tim Donaghy fixing games for himself and the mob really is more serious than it looks. Ref's will come into question with all close calls from now on, point spreads will be analyzed mid-game. The only thing the NBA can possibly do is hope the FBI finds this to be an isolated incident and absolutely make positively sure that anyone working for them, including players, is not having money problems of any kind. But this will set the NBA back years no matter what it does, so in this case "only time can heal all wounds".
I know, not a great blog, but I needed something to get my mind going here. Hopefully I can think of something more interesting for next time than what's currently playing on ESPN. Oh well, hope you enjoyed it nonetheless and I will absolutely see you soon. Or you'll see the blog. Either way.
League: NFL
Problem(s): Michael Vick's Dog Fighting League, Adam "Pac-Man" Jones' multiple legal problems, other stupid people with money getting arrested constantly
Solution: Well, to start off, suspending Jones for the year was a good move. Suspending troubled Tank Johnson for a little was also good. Suspend Vick immediately for the entire season. There is no reason the 2nd richest player in the NFL should be going around, not just his state, but the ENTIRE COUNTRY starting a Fight Club for Dogs for fun. Stupid people with money. If he goes to jail for this, which he probably won't, it would be a major Public Relations hit for the league's image. The NFL should distance themselves from Vick completely and release a statement condeming this ridiculously stupid behavior.
League: MLB
Problem(s): Barry Bonds being alive
Solution: Ummm, kill him? Seriously though, Bonds' blatant lack of respect for the game has people cringing as he closes in on the all-time home run record. Minus San Fransisco nobody likes this guy at all. So the only thing Major League Baseball can do about this is hope Bonds breaks the record quickly, retires after the season, gets arrested for his doping crap, and Alex Rodriguez of the NY Yankees breaks the record in the next decade. Or anyone. It doesn't matter, as long as it's not Bonds. If Bonds does get arrested for steriods in the future, you could take his name out of the record books completely. However, it would need to be alot more than the bullshit perjury charges he's facing now.
League: UCI (cycling)
Problem: Major Racers Using 'Roids
Solution: Last year's champ, Floyd Landis, got his title taken away. The leader through more than half the race this year got taken out of the race. Both were accused of serious rules violations. Now I'm not too hot regarding the rules of cycling but if I were heading up this organization I would test racers BEFORE the races so they don't get suspended mid-race. Also you may want to hand out larger fines and penalties for these kinds of violations. Then again, it's just bike-riding.
League: NBA
Problem(s): Former ref fixing games
Solution: Now this is a tough one. From now on, the league needs to and will do major background checks on the people they hire, possibly even through the FBI and other federal org.'s. But this gambling thing with Tim Donaghy fixing games for himself and the mob really is more serious than it looks. Ref's will come into question with all close calls from now on, point spreads will be analyzed mid-game. The only thing the NBA can possibly do is hope the FBI finds this to be an isolated incident and absolutely make positively sure that anyone working for them, including players, is not having money problems of any kind. But this will set the NBA back years no matter what it does, so in this case "only time can heal all wounds".
I know, not a great blog, but I needed something to get my mind going here. Hopefully I can think of something more interesting for next time than what's currently playing on ESPN. Oh well, hope you enjoyed it nonetheless and I will absolutely see you soon. Or you'll see the blog. Either way.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
5 Worst Movies Based on Historical Events
hey i haven't blogged in a while and i suppose i should. so am i. today, i've piled up an interesting tableau of very bad historical movies that are among the worst of their kind. so without further adieu (2 french words in one paragraph? too excessive) here are the 5 worst movies based on a historical event/situation type thing
Alexander, pearl harbor, Jfk
#5: Caligula
QUICK! Take an extremely entertaining historical figure, hire Penthouse magazine to fund your film, tagline it with the phrase "the most controversial movie ever. only one movie dares to show the perversian of Imperial Rome.', and mix. what do you get? this movie, which instead of showing Caligula's infamous sexual deviance, focuses (rather heavily) on the orgies that took place in Rome. this movie is like a porno with a bad story, except it's "based on history" and set in imperial rome.
#4: Passion of the Christ
Now, Christ is an important part of history, so this movie can be considered as a 'historical' movie. However, Mel gibson's jew hating bigotism largely distorted that overall message in hte movie. Plus, Gibson strays away from the New Testement very often, trying it to be more his vision than the Bible's. He does this so often throughout the film that it's at the point where the movie is bordering on complete fiction. One of the most important stories ever written is sloshed together in the mel gibson version of this vilm.
#3 JFK
oliver stone's "take" on the Kenneedy Assasination is borderline ridiculous. he strays away from facts, time and time again given more of his conspiracy theory than what really happened. All the characters in JFK are portrayed as half of themselves. Stone just wants the public that watch this to believe there was a conspiracy theory around the Kennedy shooting, when in all reality, there probably isn't one. He throws Russians, Cubans, Oswald, homosexuals all into the center of the blame. This distorts history more than any Soviet Film, which is saying alot.
#2: Alexander (2005) by Oliver Stone
Besides the portrayl of Alexander as a blond bi-sexual Irish man, there is a ton wrong with this movie. the film is almost too historical, resembling more of a biography of the man. there is no emotion or feeling in the movie. Also downplaying the Persians, as seem more and more common, there distorted the facts of his battles, focusing on his unknwon sexual life instead of his military life. Plus, the portrayls of his family is off by alot. In general, it's like watching a boring documentary on the man. Alexander was not a good movie, not a good fact checker, and not worth seeing at all.
#1: Pearl Harbor
Wow, besides having absolutely nothing to do with a love story, Pearl Harbor was a huge load of shit. They made one of the most disastorous events on U.S. soil, but we show Ben Affleck and Josh Hartnet's love triangle more than anything else in the movie. Also an hour too long, I'm pretty sure if they took out all the scenes with historical innacuracies, this film would be about 10 minutes long. Just overblown and flashy, with more things wrong with it than a broke, fat hooker with AIDS.
Alexander, pearl harbor, Jfk
#5: Caligula
QUICK! Take an extremely entertaining historical figure, hire Penthouse magazine to fund your film, tagline it with the phrase "the most controversial movie ever. only one movie dares to show the perversian of Imperial Rome.', and mix. what do you get? this movie, which instead of showing Caligula's infamous sexual deviance, focuses (rather heavily) on the orgies that took place in Rome. this movie is like a porno with a bad story, except it's "based on history" and set in imperial rome.
#4: Passion of the Christ
Now, Christ is an important part of history, so this movie can be considered as a 'historical' movie. However, Mel gibson's jew hating bigotism largely distorted that overall message in hte movie. Plus, Gibson strays away from the New Testement very often, trying it to be more his vision than the Bible's. He does this so often throughout the film that it's at the point where the movie is bordering on complete fiction. One of the most important stories ever written is sloshed together in the mel gibson version of this vilm.
#3 JFK
oliver stone's "take" on the Kenneedy Assasination is borderline ridiculous. he strays away from facts, time and time again given more of his conspiracy theory than what really happened. All the characters in JFK are portrayed as half of themselves. Stone just wants the public that watch this to believe there was a conspiracy theory around the Kennedy shooting, when in all reality, there probably isn't one. He throws Russians, Cubans, Oswald, homosexuals all into the center of the blame. This distorts history more than any Soviet Film, which is saying alot.
#2: Alexander (2005) by Oliver Stone
Besides the portrayl of Alexander as a blond bi-sexual Irish man, there is a ton wrong with this movie. the film is almost too historical, resembling more of a biography of the man. there is no emotion or feeling in the movie. Also downplaying the Persians, as seem more and more common, there distorted the facts of his battles, focusing on his unknwon sexual life instead of his military life. Plus, the portrayls of his family is off by alot. In general, it's like watching a boring documentary on the man. Alexander was not a good movie, not a good fact checker, and not worth seeing at all.
#1: Pearl Harbor
Wow, besides having absolutely nothing to do with a love story, Pearl Harbor was a huge load of shit. They made one of the most disastorous events on U.S. soil, but we show Ben Affleck and Josh Hartnet's love triangle more than anything else in the movie. Also an hour too long, I'm pretty sure if they took out all the scenes with historical innacuracies, this film would be about 10 minutes long. Just overblown and flashy, with more things wrong with it than a broke, fat hooker with AIDS.
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