You Know, When I Hear It Again, It Sounds Quite Nice

A few years ago, when this blog wasn't all about booze, I wrote a post about the World's Ugliest Languages. Now that I've a few years to look back on it, I've rethought my stance on these languages. And you know what? I was not influenced by anything or anyone to write it. Well. Maybe a Little. Here are The World's 5 Prettiest Languages.

5. Albanian
Language Type and Origin: Indo-Eburopean language derived from extinct Illyrian language that were spoken in the Baltics. The earliest known Albanian speakers were from the 2nd Century, AD.
Beauty Factor: What makes Albanian an favorable language is that it's a very aggressive language. There are many palatal stops and putting strong inflection on many letters, such as v, m, n, b, and many others. There are lots of words that also emphasize "sh" and with the accent they have it sounds heavenly. There are also verbs that are conjugated based on moods that people are in. Listening to the language, it seems like the Albanians are a very happy people.. Plus, I worked with Albanians for 2 years, so I was lucky enough to hear it on a daily basis.
Sounds like: A Greek person speaking a mix of Italian and Russian. Also sounds like someone in a constant state of awesomeness.
Here's Albanian singer Poni making me want to "Dil Moj Dil.":


4. Hindi
Language Type and Origin: Indo-Aryan Language evolved from the Sanskrit writing system. Comes from the Middle Age language families of Prakrit and Apabhramsha in or around the early 17th century.
Beauty Factor: No offense to other Indian languages, since English probably isn't a pretty language when spoken by Americans, but Hindi is just a gorgeous language. I'm sure you've all heard it, so what makes it so resplendent? The numerous amount of stop consanants that are inflected by pushing the tongue against the upper teeth. This makes for the pleasant sounds usually heard whenever you can smell curry, which is actually quite delicious. Many sounds that are much higher in pitch are found in Hindi as well. Don't be fooled though: this pitch gives it a unique, beauty that is rare and actually quite sexy.
Sounds Like: An rose petal falling from the sky and landing on the tip of a pretty girl's nose.
Hindi is better served with half naked attractiveness:


3. Danish
Language Type and Origin: A North Germanic language in the Germanic branch of Indo-European language family. Widespread use started around the 12th Century.
Beauty Factor: Danish is a very quaint language. The dialect almost pushes out words rather than speaking them, making it a very unique and special language. (By the way, what doesn't Denmark do?) There are many irregular verbs in the Danish language, which are very easy to conjugate, but often come out like Neil Patrick Harris in a closet. It's easier to write than pronounce, since many vowels and consanants from native speakers are silenced. The Danish "stod" phonology is what makes the lovely sounds, with almost every word emphasized. It makes the language very rough and manly. And I hear Copenhagen is just as pretty.
Sounds Like: The crispy sound of a heated up raspberry danish crackling between your teeth on a cold winter Saturday.
Not sure if the singer is attractive but the video surely will make you in the mood for some danish:


2. Dutch
Language Type and Origin: Western and Northern Germanic language, closely associated with English and German. Use began in the 5th century AD, when people didn't care about how ugly was your face was and saw all the inner beauty of everyone.
Beauty Factor: If you've never heard Dutch, then your ears have been unfortunately spared from "eardrum heaven." Almost every word ends with a "t" sound, with a hint of sunshine. There are lots of v's and d's, along with tons of stress, as Dutch is a stress language. Stress is sometimes the only difference between sex and the Dutch language. Presumably due to the years of legal marijuana smoking, coupled with cigarette smoking and techno music, Dutch people speak very fast and often silence letters for a better flow. Let me tell you something: three beautiful things flow in Holland, where Dutch is the official language: the canals and smoke into your lungs and the consonants that form pure bliss. There are words that end in 4 consonants that would make your head explode because of their sheer raw power. There are also many "fricative" consonants, which sound like the "ch" in Bach if you say it while your clearing your throat. The only reason pot is legal in Holland is because people want to hear intellectual conversations in Dutch more than anything ever. Even oral sex.
Sound like: The roar of the home crowd when your favorite team scores the winner.
Here's a perfect video: hot Dutch DJ Bridget Maasland kissing another hot dj with dutch speaking:



1. Hebrew
Language Type and Origin: A Semitic, Afro-Asiatic language founded on beauty, love, and pure, unadulterated puffy white clouds.
Beauty Factor: What a spectacular language! Ironically, words cannot describe the Hebrew language: it's that stunning. The dazzling inflection put on words gives a tone that might remind one of the angelic voice of Whitney Houston before she did crack. The alluring appeal of Hebrew can be found in the spectacular attention to vocal patterns and combining the right pitch with an even righter sexiness. It's why Jewish people are so successful in entertainment: they simply have the best voices. It's no joke ladies and mensch's: Hebrew is the most beautiful language. And instead of racially slandering the Hebrew language I'll tell a funny joke: How many Jewish people can fit in a Volkswagen Beetle? 6. The VW only has 5 seats but since Jewish people are so skinny and beautiful, they can fit one extra Jewish person in there.
Zing!
Sounds Like: Some pretty brunette kissing you on the lips that taste like strawberries and cream.
To be fair to the Jews, here's Natalie Portman speaking Hebrew, one of many people on Earth that can make it sound pretty:



I hoped YOU liked my rewrites. And YOU know who YOU are. But anyways, I hope everyone enjoyed and were thoroughly captivated by my spectacular prose. I must go. But I know I can go without worry, since I know now that you are thinking about Hebrew. And Hebrew is breathtaking. So catch your breath for now...and I'll be back in no time.