There are some people that just have ugly voices. Anything they say is met with a look of utter disgust. This is why the guys in porno movies don't talk. The difference in pitch, tone, and inflection in someone's voice can make or break how you perceive them. Some unlucky people have been born in to monstrosities that are known as "languages." Sometimes you can't tell the difference between these people talking and someone clearing their throat. These are the World's 6 Ugliest Languages. This message is approved by Neil Patrick Harris (NPH). To be fair to the languages, I've found attractive people in videos that can make these languages sound halfway decent. But beware.
6. Albanian
Language Type and Origin: Indo-Eburopean language derived from extinct Illyrian language that were spoken in the Baltics. The earliest known Albanian speakers were from the 2nd Century, AD.
Ugly Factor: What makes Albanian an unfavorable language is that it's a very aggressive language. There are many palatal stops and putting strong inflection on many letters, such as v, m, n, b, and many others. There are lots of words that also emphasize "sh" and with the accent they have it sounds yucky. There are also verbs that are conjugated based on moods that people are in. Listening to the language, it doesn't really seem like anybody is that happy. Plus, I had to work with Albanians for 2 years, so I may have a negative impression.
Sounds like: A Greek person speaking a mix of Italian and Russian. Also sounds like someone in a constant state of constipation.
Here's Albanian singer Poni making me want to "Dil Moj Dil.":
5. Hindi
Language Type and Origin: Indo-Aryan Language evolved from the Sanskrit writing system. Comes from the Middle Age language families of Prakrit and Apabhramsha in or around the early 17th century.
Ugly Factor: No offense to Hindu's, since English probably isn't a pretty language when spoken by Americans, but Hindi is just an ugly language. I'm sure you've all heard (and smelt) it, so what makes it so ugly? The numerous amount of stop consanants that are inflected by pushing the tongue against the upper teeth. This makes for the unpleasant sounds usually heard whenever you can smell curry. Many sounds are much higher in pitch are found in Hindi as well. Higher pitches in other languages give them a unique, beautiful quality such as Chinese and Japanese. However, the accents associated with Hindu people just make this language very unpleasant.
Sounds Like: An Arabic speaker with "Deep South USA" drawl after sucking in helium.
Hindi is better served with half naked attractiveness:
4. Danish
Language Type and Origin: A North Germanic language in the Germanic branch of Indo-European language family. Widespread use started around the 12th Century.
Ugly Factor: Danish is a very creaky language. The dialect almost pushes out words rather than speaking them, making it a very unique and hideous language. (By the way, what does Denmark even do?) There are many irregular verbs in the Danish language, which are very easy to conjugate, but often come out a little awkwardly. It's easier to write than pronounce, since many vowels and consanants from native speakers are silenced. The Danish "stod" phonology is what makes the creaky sounds, with almost every word emphasized. It makes the language very rough and not good sounding.
Sounds Like: A retarded Irish speaker trying to mix German and Gaelic.
Techno music video. Not sure if the singer is attractive but the video surely will make you in the mood for some danish:
3. Dutch
Language Type and Origin: Western and Northern Germanic language, closely associated with English and German. Use began in the 5th century AD, when people didn't care about spitting in your face while they spoke.
Ugly Factor: If you've never heard Dutch, then your ears have been temporarily spared from "eardrum hell." Almost every word ends with a "t" sound, with a hint of mucus. There are lots of v's and d's, along with tons of stress, as Dutch is a stress language. Stress is sometimes the only difference between words. Presumably due to the years of legal marijuana smoking, coupled with cigarette smoking and techno music, Dutch people speak very fast and often silence letters for a better flow. Let me tell you something: the only thing that flows in Holland, where Dutch is the official language, are the canals and smoke into your lungs. There are words that end in 4 consonants that would make your head explode if exposed for too long. There are also many "fricative" consonants, which sound like the "ch" in Bach if you say it while your clearing your throat. The only reason pot is legal in Holland is so people will get lazy and stop talking.
Sound like: An angry German clown talking while blowing his nose.
Here's a perfect video: hot Dutch DJ Bridget Maasland kissing another hot dj with limited dutch speaking:
2. Hebrew
Language Type and Origin: A Semitic, Afro-Asiatic language. (The Afro there is probably the only thing Jewish people have in common with black people. Formed in around the 10th Century BC, when the Jews tried to take over the world.
Ugly Factor: Ahh, the language of the Jews. Listen, I'm not gonna get technical about Hebrew here. I'm sure you've all heard the language with it's deep stresses, tons of vowels, and utter ugliness. The nasal and throaty sounds make the language, which is one of the world's oldest, seem like its forgotten how to actually sound like words. Not to mention that Hebrew is a mix of Afro-Asiatic, combining Asian and Afro elements, which is like putting mayonnaise in your rice. Instead of racially slandering the Hebrew language I'll "lighten" the mood with a joke: How many Jews can fit in a Volkswagen Beetle? 54: 2 in the front, 2 in the back, and 50 in the ashtray!
Zing!
Sounds Like: Money crackling in an oven
To be fair to the Jews, here's Natalie Portman speaking Hebrew, one of the only people on Earth that can make it sound pretty:
1. Russian
Language Type and Origin: Eastern Slavic language derived from old Slavic languages in the 14th century.
Ugly Factor: Russian is a very mean and powerful language. Probably from years of cockiness, arrogance, and oppresion, there isn't much good about Russian. It has a Cyrillic alphabet, deep bellowing voices, and ugly women. I dunno, reading about Russian is boring. Since most Russians are ugly and mean, not to mention cold and constantly inhaling pollution, the language is bound to come out god-awful. To be fair,....you know what? If I wanted to play fair with someone, it wouldn't be the Russians. I'd go to the Ukraine, the only country arrogant and awesome enough to break away from the Soviet Union, attempt to destroy the world through the Chernobyl disaster, get away with it, and have a "the" in the name of the country. It's not Ukraine. It's The Ukraine. Take that, you Russian pussies.
Sounds Like: Your fat, bitter ex-wife speaking a blend of Arabic and Italian.
Who else? Maria Sharapova (BTW, it still sounds ugly). Since hot Russian women are so rare, think about how great it would be to bag one:
Da las gracias otra vez para leer el blog. Desde que esta columna estuvo acerca de idiomas, yo escribo mi discurso de la salida en español. Hasta que vuelva con un nuevo poste, disfrute del gentío que despierta el fin del baloncesto, del hockey, y de la temporada de fútbol. Regresaré pronto. ¡Hasta entonces, adiós!
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Dare to Be Naive
There are some people that will believe in anything. (Cubs Fans) Others don't believe anything. (Jews) Some are in between. (Jewish Cubs Fans) Then there are those that try to exploit believers for their own gain. These people are called "heroes." Mine, at least. Hoaxes have been around longer than the fact of evolution. The best ones, some of which may have been lost to history, make you just go "Wow, that guy has balls. I mean, sure he's a douche but he really went for it." These are those hoaxes. The 6 Most Absurdly Badass Hoaxes. These people have a place in my heart, right next to Jewish jokes and impromptu White Castle runs.
6. Ponzi Scheme
The Man Behind the Greatness: Italian immigrant Charles Ponzi
The Hoax: Ponzi started telling people that postal coupons in Europe could be traded for 6 times the value in the U.S. He opened a business just for that and promised a return of double the money in 90 days. The trick was that there it would take millions of stamps and man hours to actually redeem all of the stamps, thereby losing profits. But he was just going to take their money. Ladies and Gentlemen, the Pyramid Scheme! Ponzi had over 40,000 investors and made $15 million in the mid-20s, which if inflated would be a ridiculous amount.
The Downfall: Naturally, people started investigating Ponzi and his criminal past. Once that came to light, he lost a ton of investors. Instead of just high-tailin' it out of there with the money, Ponzi was arrested and sentenced to 4 years in jail. Ironically, Ponzi lived the rest of his life poor and in Brazil going in and out of jail until he died.
5. Shattered Glass
The Man Behind the Greatness: Journalist Stephen Glass
The Hoax: Glass was a young, up and coming journalist for the liberal mag The New Republic. During his time there, little Stephen Glass wrote was truthful at all. He told stories of drinking and debauchery at a conservative action conference. He wrote falsehoods about meetings with George Bush, a DARE conference, and the Center for Science in Public interest. He had everyone so convinced that his his editor demanded apologies from those that accused him. Glass had his brother pose as a source for a story and Glass even made a website and newsletter to support his completely made up story about a hacker conference.
The Downfall: A Forbes.com reporter found the hacker article a tad bit sensational. He did his research and found that none of the people in the story existed, there was no company by the name Glass had used, and that there was never any mention of a conference. Glass told his editor he had been lied to by the hackers but his editor went to the supposed place where the conference was and found out it was closed on that supposed day. He called the source number in Palo Alto but found out that Glass had a brother at Stanford, in Palo Alto. Glass was fired immediately and a retraction was printed denouncing and apologizing for all 41 of his articles. (See more in the movie "Shattered Glass")
4. The Turk
The Man Behind the Greatness: Inventor Wolfgang van Kampelen
The Hoax: The Turk was a chess playing "machine" that could play a great game of chess against anyone. It was passed off as an automaton (robot) that could play by itself. Mind you, this was in 1770-1854. However it was really just a grand chess master controlling the pieces from underneath magnetically. That didn't stop the "robot" form beating Napoleon, Ben Franklin, and Empress Maria Theresa. It beat nobles all across Europe and even had the balls to use a letter board to communicate with its opponents. So not only was this thing beating nobility of all European countries, it was fucking trash talking too. Imagine a Queen playing and her seeing this: "Checkmate Bitch." Eventually the owner died but the machine continued to be improved by its next owners.
The Downfall: After 84 years of touring, the Turk's secrets were finally revealed in a number of newspaper articles by the son of a former owner. Although people were disappointed to learn how the machine worked, many were inspired by the machine when it was playing. Edgar Allen Poe wrote an article about it and marveled much greater men then almost any other hoax was able to accomplish. Napoleon even got livid when the machine called him a "fat stack of pancakes." Think of the unlimited insults available!
3. Dreadnought Hoax
The Man Behind the Greatness: Prankster William Horace de Vere Cole
The Hoax: Cole had 5 friends get together in London and had them put on robes as well as skin darkener and turbans. He sent a telegram to the ship stating that 5 Ethiopian princes were to visit the ship with a forged signature of the Foreign Office Secretary. Then Cole managed to get them a VIP train to take them near the ship. When they arrived at the ship, an honor crew was there with a Zanzibar flag and playing the Zanzibar national anthem. (they couldn't find an Ethiopian flag) The group of "royals" handed out cards with Swahili on them and talked in broken Latin. The royals even gave out fake military honors to the British Navy commanders. One of the members even sneezed off his fake mustache but put it back on before anyone noticed.
The Downfall: Well, Cole got away with it. The story was published in British newspapers and no doubt embarrassed the British Navy. They called for Cole's arrest but he had broken no law. The Navy did send someone to cane him for the action but Cole's response to that was, displaying signs of badassery rarely seen, that it was the Navy officer who should get caned for being fooled so easily. Bravo.
2. Howard Hughes Bio
The Man Behind the Greatness: Journalist Clifford Irving
The Hoax: Billionaire Howard Hughes was a bit of a recluse who led a very intriguing life. However, nobody was ever able to get an autobiography, as he would just buy them off. Clifford Irving, believing that Hughes was so detached from public life that he wouldn't sue, began forging letters in Hughes name and sent them to McGraw Hill Publishers. McGraw Hill gave him $765,000 for the project, with $100,000 going to Irving. Irving got expenses paid trips to all over the world to conduct "interviews" with Hughes. In reality, he was visiting his mistresses and writing the interviews himself. He handed in the manuscript with "notes" with Hughes' handwritings, which were declared authentic by forensic analysts. He also passed a lie detector test and went through many public interviews.
The Downfall: Eventually, Hughes climbed out of his hole and called the outside world, declaring he had never met Irving, who said the voice was an impostor. A day later, Irving and McGraw Hill were sued by Hughes. Also, Swiss authorities found a bank account under "H.R. Hughes" that was used to embezzle the money. He was indicted for fraud and served 17 months in prison, where, according to Wikipedia "He stopped smoking and started weightlifting." Good for you, Irving!
1. Strip Search!
The Man Behind the (in this case) Creepiness: Correctional Officer David Stewart
The Hoax: For about a decade, Stewart was calling restaurants posing as a police detective and convincing the managers to strip search their female employees. He did this successfully 70 times in 30 States. Usually they were fast-food restaurants in small towns, where there was more trust. Let me just give you some examples here, otherwise you might not grasp how insane this actually was: A McDonald's in Georgia had the janitor perform a body cavity search (all holes, people) on a 19-year old cashier. A Taco Bell in Pheonix had a customer strip searched for drugs. A CUSTOMER! A McDonald's manager in Kentucky striped herself down in attempt to lure a sex predator customer into molesting her and having undercover agents arrest him. Um, yeah, all the customer did was get to see some titties. An McDonalds employee celebrating her 18th birthday in her first hour on the job was forced to strip, jog naked, and assume embarrassing nude positions like getting down on all fours and bending over. An Applebee's employee went through a 90-minute search of her body (nude, of course) by the manager after the "regional manager" called and ordered it. The manager of the Applebee's had received a memo warning him about it a week before, still did it, and is now presumably begging for change in Iowa, which is like begging for food in Africa.
The Downfall: After all these, and many many more, a McDonald's incident in Kentucky got the perpetrator caught. The caller got the manager to strip an employee down to only her apron in attempt to find stolen goods. The manager left her office and tried to get other employee's to watch her, but even McDonald's employee's have more integrity than that and all refused. The manager called her fiance in to watch the girl. Alone with her, the caller told Nix to remove her apron and assume degrading positions. The 90lb girl refused, but was slapped on the butt leaving welts to get her to comply. The caller got him to force her to kiss her and then perform oral sex on the man. The manager, his FIANCE, kept entering the room but left without any attempt to stop it. The manager called the store manager, who denied any knowledge and a employee, thinking on his greasy feet, dialed *69 to try and get the number which they did. The police found surveillance video of the caller and identified him. The fiance received 5 years in jail for sexual assault, the manager received probation (using the Nuremberg defense), and the caller, David Steward, was found not guilty. The victim received $6 million in a lawsuit and the manager, for some ridiculous reason, received $1.1 million which is like retirement for a McDonald's worker.
WHAT. THE. FUCK!
This just goes to show that people will obey authority out of fear, no matter how bad (or good, in the case of the oral sex) it makes them feel.
Whoo. Quite ridiculous. Some hoaxes are really genius, even if it is in a extremely twisted and creepy way. Since that last one was a bit of a downer, to say the least, I'll try and lighten up your mood before I leave you for a while. With that said, I'll leave the man himself, Gus Johnson to sign (or sing) me off to the only band I'd want a black basketball announcer to sign me off to: ABBA. Later, messieurs et mesdames.
6. Ponzi Scheme
The Man Behind the Greatness: Italian immigrant Charles Ponzi
The Hoax: Ponzi started telling people that postal coupons in Europe could be traded for 6 times the value in the U.S. He opened a business just for that and promised a return of double the money in 90 days. The trick was that there it would take millions of stamps and man hours to actually redeem all of the stamps, thereby losing profits. But he was just going to take their money. Ladies and Gentlemen, the Pyramid Scheme! Ponzi had over 40,000 investors and made $15 million in the mid-20s, which if inflated would be a ridiculous amount.
The Downfall: Naturally, people started investigating Ponzi and his criminal past. Once that came to light, he lost a ton of investors. Instead of just high-tailin' it out of there with the money, Ponzi was arrested and sentenced to 4 years in jail. Ironically, Ponzi lived the rest of his life poor and in Brazil going in and out of jail until he died.
5. Shattered Glass
The Man Behind the Greatness: Journalist Stephen Glass
The Hoax: Glass was a young, up and coming journalist for the liberal mag The New Republic. During his time there, little Stephen Glass wrote was truthful at all. He told stories of drinking and debauchery at a conservative action conference. He wrote falsehoods about meetings with George Bush, a DARE conference, and the Center for Science in Public interest. He had everyone so convinced that his his editor demanded apologies from those that accused him. Glass had his brother pose as a source for a story and Glass even made a website and newsletter to support his completely made up story about a hacker conference.
The Downfall: A Forbes.com reporter found the hacker article a tad bit sensational. He did his research and found that none of the people in the story existed, there was no company by the name Glass had used, and that there was never any mention of a conference. Glass told his editor he had been lied to by the hackers but his editor went to the supposed place where the conference was and found out it was closed on that supposed day. He called the source number in Palo Alto but found out that Glass had a brother at Stanford, in Palo Alto. Glass was fired immediately and a retraction was printed denouncing and apologizing for all 41 of his articles. (See more in the movie "Shattered Glass")
4. The Turk
The Man Behind the Greatness: Inventor Wolfgang van Kampelen
The Hoax: The Turk was a chess playing "machine" that could play a great game of chess against anyone. It was passed off as an automaton (robot) that could play by itself. Mind you, this was in 1770-1854. However it was really just a grand chess master controlling the pieces from underneath magnetically. That didn't stop the "robot" form beating Napoleon, Ben Franklin, and Empress Maria Theresa. It beat nobles all across Europe and even had the balls to use a letter board to communicate with its opponents. So not only was this thing beating nobility of all European countries, it was fucking trash talking too. Imagine a Queen playing and her seeing this: "Checkmate Bitch." Eventually the owner died but the machine continued to be improved by its next owners.
The Downfall: After 84 years of touring, the Turk's secrets were finally revealed in a number of newspaper articles by the son of a former owner. Although people were disappointed to learn how the machine worked, many were inspired by the machine when it was playing. Edgar Allen Poe wrote an article about it and marveled much greater men then almost any other hoax was able to accomplish. Napoleon even got livid when the machine called him a "fat stack of pancakes." Think of the unlimited insults available!
3. Dreadnought Hoax
The Man Behind the Greatness: Prankster William Horace de Vere Cole
The Hoax: Cole had 5 friends get together in London and had them put on robes as well as skin darkener and turbans. He sent a telegram to the ship stating that 5 Ethiopian princes were to visit the ship with a forged signature of the Foreign Office Secretary. Then Cole managed to get them a VIP train to take them near the ship. When they arrived at the ship, an honor crew was there with a Zanzibar flag and playing the Zanzibar national anthem. (they couldn't find an Ethiopian flag) The group of "royals" handed out cards with Swahili on them and talked in broken Latin. The royals even gave out fake military honors to the British Navy commanders. One of the members even sneezed off his fake mustache but put it back on before anyone noticed.
The Downfall: Well, Cole got away with it. The story was published in British newspapers and no doubt embarrassed the British Navy. They called for Cole's arrest but he had broken no law. The Navy did send someone to cane him for the action but Cole's response to that was, displaying signs of badassery rarely seen, that it was the Navy officer who should get caned for being fooled so easily. Bravo.
2. Howard Hughes Bio
The Man Behind the Greatness: Journalist Clifford Irving
The Hoax: Billionaire Howard Hughes was a bit of a recluse who led a very intriguing life. However, nobody was ever able to get an autobiography, as he would just buy them off. Clifford Irving, believing that Hughes was so detached from public life that he wouldn't sue, began forging letters in Hughes name and sent them to McGraw Hill Publishers. McGraw Hill gave him $765,000 for the project, with $100,000 going to Irving. Irving got expenses paid trips to all over the world to conduct "interviews" with Hughes. In reality, he was visiting his mistresses and writing the interviews himself. He handed in the manuscript with "notes" with Hughes' handwritings, which were declared authentic by forensic analysts. He also passed a lie detector test and went through many public interviews.
The Downfall: Eventually, Hughes climbed out of his hole and called the outside world, declaring he had never met Irving, who said the voice was an impostor. A day later, Irving and McGraw Hill were sued by Hughes. Also, Swiss authorities found a bank account under "H.R. Hughes" that was used to embezzle the money. He was indicted for fraud and served 17 months in prison, where, according to Wikipedia "He stopped smoking and started weightlifting." Good for you, Irving!
1. Strip Search!
The Man Behind the (in this case) Creepiness: Correctional Officer David Stewart
The Hoax: For about a decade, Stewart was calling restaurants posing as a police detective and convincing the managers to strip search their female employees. He did this successfully 70 times in 30 States. Usually they were fast-food restaurants in small towns, where there was more trust. Let me just give you some examples here, otherwise you might not grasp how insane this actually was: A McDonald's in Georgia had the janitor perform a body cavity search (all holes, people) on a 19-year old cashier. A Taco Bell in Pheonix had a customer strip searched for drugs. A CUSTOMER! A McDonald's manager in Kentucky striped herself down in attempt to lure a sex predator customer into molesting her and having undercover agents arrest him. Um, yeah, all the customer did was get to see some titties. An McDonalds employee celebrating her 18th birthday in her first hour on the job was forced to strip, jog naked, and assume embarrassing nude positions like getting down on all fours and bending over. An Applebee's employee went through a 90-minute search of her body (nude, of course) by the manager after the "regional manager" called and ordered it. The manager of the Applebee's had received a memo warning him about it a week before, still did it, and is now presumably begging for change in Iowa, which is like begging for food in Africa.
The Downfall: After all these, and many many more, a McDonald's incident in Kentucky got the perpetrator caught. The caller got the manager to strip an employee down to only her apron in attempt to find stolen goods. The manager left her office and tried to get other employee's to watch her, but even McDonald's employee's have more integrity than that and all refused. The manager called her fiance in to watch the girl. Alone with her, the caller told Nix to remove her apron and assume degrading positions. The 90lb girl refused, but was slapped on the butt leaving welts to get her to comply. The caller got him to force her to kiss her and then perform oral sex on the man. The manager, his FIANCE, kept entering the room but left without any attempt to stop it. The manager called the store manager, who denied any knowledge and a employee, thinking on his greasy feet, dialed *69 to try and get the number which they did. The police found surveillance video of the caller and identified him. The fiance received 5 years in jail for sexual assault, the manager received probation (using the Nuremberg defense), and the caller, David Steward, was found not guilty. The victim received $6 million in a lawsuit and the manager, for some ridiculous reason, received $1.1 million which is like retirement for a McDonald's worker.
WHAT. THE. FUCK!
This just goes to show that people will obey authority out of fear, no matter how bad (or good, in the case of the oral sex) it makes them feel.
Whoo. Quite ridiculous. Some hoaxes are really genius, even if it is in a extremely twisted and creepy way. Since that last one was a bit of a downer, to say the least, I'll try and lighten up your mood before I leave you for a while. With that said, I'll leave the man himself, Gus Johnson to sign (or sing) me off to the only band I'd want a black basketball announcer to sign me off to: ABBA. Later, messieurs et mesdames.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Shenanigans!
Oh, crazy people with all their theories. Aliens abducted me! The Jews are trying to take over the world! 2Pac Lives! Germans are funny! There's way too many ridiculous theories floating around out there like that paper bag caught in the wind in "American Beauty." While most theories don't hold any more water than a sip cup, there are a few that hold some merit. 7 True Conspiracy Theories. Just keep the 9/11 ones to yourself.
7. State-Sponsored Murder by Russia
The Conspiracy: Since ex-KGB agent has been in power, a number of outspoken journalists who accused the government of "false-flag" attacks (a disguised government terrorist attacked pinned on other terrorists for political gain) against their own people. (See: Moscow theatre crisis, Russian apartment bombings) Journalists Alexander Litvineno was poisoned just last year, Anna Politkovskaya was shot and killed in her home in 2005, journalist Yuri Shchekochikhin was poisoned in 2003, along with at least 6 other journalists who were outspoken against Putin or the government.
The Proof: Although most of the evidence is circumstantial, it is HIGHLY circumstantial. Russia has been known for it's human rights abuse and arresting anyone speaking out against government. Litvinenko and Yuri were both poisoned with the same material. Politkovskaya was poisoned twice by Russian troops, as well as detained and beaten. Keep in mind this is Russia we are talking about, and the ex-KGB Putin is probably nothing more than a scheming douchebag who, like most Russian leaders past, would like to put fear in the hearts of anyone wanting to speak out.
The Guilty Party: The expertise of the murders can only be traced back to ex-KGB types. Either Chechen rebels or Putin's government are no doubt responsible for these killings.
6. MKULTRA
The Conspiracy: In the 1970's, it was speculated that the CIA was performing experiments dealing with mind control. Unwilling subjects who hadn't given consent were tested using psychoactive drugs such as LSD, mescaline (applied with sedatives at the same time), and pretty much every controlled substances. They tested people in brothels without their knowledge (as they wouldn't admit it to embarrassment), giving subjects LSD for 77 days in a row, and lacing anything to test prostitutes, military officers, mentally ill patients, hospital patients, and the general public to see the effects and if was possible to control actions. The goal was to produce a type of "manchurian candidate" to control. All documents on the project were destroyed once the word got out on the experiments.
The Proof: The CIA has openly admitted to testing on all these subjects. Lawsuits have been brought against the government but all are settled out of court and one that wasn't ruled in favor of the military. The Rockafellar Commission found that the CIA had illegally tested on unwilling subjects but investigation would be impossible since all the files had been destroyed.
Guilty Party: The CIA, Military, and the 44 colleges, 15 research foundations, 12 hospitals, and 3 prisons that participated in the experiments.
Here's a video explaining most of the situation. The information is all factual, the opinions of the speakers are just that. Opinions. So leave them at that.
5. Tuskegee Experiments
The Conspiracy: From the 1930s to 1970s, 300 black sharecroppers were injected with syphillis to see its effects if it went untreated. The conspiracy is that the negro males didn't give consent and did not even know they were being infected with the STD. In 1942, penicillin was widely used to cure the disease. Yet, ALL the black men infected were not given the cure just to see how the disease works and kills people. The patients were lied to and given placebos instead, as they were uneducated and poor, not knowing the difference. As a result, most died before the study was over and close to 70 more people were infected due to contact.
The Proof: Well, the scientists ended up admitting it and documents up the ying-yang were presented as proof. The incident sparked widespread paranoia as blacks would later blame the government for AIDS, crack, and impregnating disadvantaged single black women so they would have no chance at making it in the world. In response, the remaining infected alive were subsequently killed by firing squad.
The Guilty Party: Numerous doctors and the Tuskegee Institute. All were convicted but moved to Russia to infect the Jews with syphillis. They were subsequently killed by hanging.
(Note: Some details may be added for dramatic effect)
4. Watergate
The Conspiracy: In 1972, Nixon's goons broke into Watergate hotel to steal documents from the Democrats. After they were caught, Nixon tried to cover up the scandal. A Senate Investigation found that Nixon was behind it, as well as Nixon compiling an enemy's list with over 100 names that he was delibiritly screwing through the IRS and other manners. He also had a "plumber's squad" which would undertake numerous other operations like Watergate, a secret re-election slush fund, and tapes using the CIA to cover these up in national security interests.
The Proof: Tapes, confessions, and a shitton of evidence was compiled against Nixon and his goonies. They idiotically used the slush fund money to use for the burglars legal fees. Nixon's resignation obviously is a bit of a hint as well.
The Guilty Party: Nixon and a ton of aides, friends, and cabinet members. Although Nixon was never really found guilty, as the idiot President Gerald Ford pardoned him after taking office.
To lighten up the mood a little, I've included a video of a drunk squirrel. HA! Poor ugly squirrel can't get up the tree!
Back to Business:
3. Dreyfuss Affair
The Conspiracy: In 1894, Jewish French Captain Alfred Dreyfuss was tried for treason and was degradated to Devil's Island. A list of French artillery and secrets was found in the trash by a maid and was assumed to be Dreyfuss' because he was a, to quote the French PM, "dirty, dirty Jew." Evidence was withheld to the defense and another man was aquitted for the crime (a Hungarian double agent) to cover up that they covered up evidence. He was sent to jail for 5 years until his case was re-opened due to, and I quote Mark Twain "France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes."
The Proof: Emile Zola uncovered the plot, got himself tried to force the government to release the evidence. They did, he fled the country (typical), and Dreyfuss' case was reopened and thrown out. Dreyfuss was quoted as saying "Prison wasn't much different than serving in the French army. All I did was sit around." In other news, everyone not Jewish apparently secretly hates Jews. Not me! Well....
The Guilty Party: The French Government, who you could also blame for all American deaths in WWI and WWII, bringing about Vietnam, making expensive food that doesn't even fill you up, and being really snotty to foreigners.
Here's a excellent video pointing out French Intelligence. One can only assume military commanders are in the audience. Notice the question. If one of the answers was France, it probably would have been right since it's on French TV.
2. Business Plot
The Conspiracy: Leaders of US Steel, Standard Oil, General Motors, Chase National Bank, and Goodyear Tire Company got together to form a fascist coup over FDR, upset over New Deal legislation. The plan was to overthrow FDR using the military. The episode was largely downplayed in the media due to possible cabinet members being involved and people of high stature having significant pull over newspapers and the media. The conspirators promised 500,000 troops and $30 million in financial support. Thousands of war vets set up shop outside Washington to claim war bonuses were encouraged by a visit from major general Smedley Butler. (Is that name really awesome or just terrible?) Butler later testified that he was recruited to lead the large army in a coup over FDR.
The Proof: A Committee was called to investigate and found that a plot did indeed exist but that was all they released. The matter was dropped and barely ever heard from again. Much important excerpts of the hearings were deleted (especially in regards to prominent businessmens testimony)
The Guilty Party: It is unlikely to ever be fully known, but the Du Pont family and American Liberty League seem to have the most pull over the situation.
Here's some more info
1. The Protocols of the Elders of Zion
The Conspiracy: The above is a title for a literary fraud written in first person explaining how the Jews could take over the world. They outline 24 Protocols which Jews could take over the world (such as Alcoholism, Materialism, Porno, War, World Government, Brainwashing, and the destruction of all other religions, among others). The publication was used to ignite hatred of Jews in Russia, Germany, and Arab nations, who still use it today.
The Proof: Numerous trials and investigations have been done to figure out who exactly wrote the infamous article that sparked and "justified" mass violence against Jews. The fact that it emerged in Russia is a clue, since they hate Jews a lot. It came from anti-semite circles around 1900s in Germany. The obvious ridiculousness of the entire writing is probably the biggest hint. Numerous terms that are pretty taboo in Jewish writings is found throughout the literature, which if written by high ranking Jewish people, would not be the case. Plus, the phrase "Jews always scheme" probably wasn't written by a Jewish person.
The Guilty Party: Russian or German anti-semites who, wait for it, ACTUALLY THOUGH THIS IS WHAT JEWISH PEOPLE THINK. God, I hate Russians. Except Maria Sharapova. She can conspiracy theory me anytime. (cue funky jazz riff)
However, they might be on to something. Apparently the Jews are trying to take over Rap, Raggae, and Pop music through one man:
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Anyways, after exposing numerous plotters and douches, I am way tired. So I'll leave it to the great Ric Flair to sign me off. It's a great speech about me:
7. State-Sponsored Murder by Russia
The Conspiracy: Since ex-KGB agent has been in power, a number of outspoken journalists who accused the government of "false-flag" attacks (a disguised government terrorist attacked pinned on other terrorists for political gain) against their own people. (See: Moscow theatre crisis, Russian apartment bombings) Journalists Alexander Litvineno was poisoned just last year, Anna Politkovskaya was shot and killed in her home in 2005, journalist Yuri Shchekochikhin was poisoned in 2003, along with at least 6 other journalists who were outspoken against Putin or the government.
The Proof: Although most of the evidence is circumstantial, it is HIGHLY circumstantial. Russia has been known for it's human rights abuse and arresting anyone speaking out against government. Litvinenko and Yuri were both poisoned with the same material. Politkovskaya was poisoned twice by Russian troops, as well as detained and beaten. Keep in mind this is Russia we are talking about, and the ex-KGB Putin is probably nothing more than a scheming douchebag who, like most Russian leaders past, would like to put fear in the hearts of anyone wanting to speak out.
The Guilty Party: The expertise of the murders can only be traced back to ex-KGB types. Either Chechen rebels or Putin's government are no doubt responsible for these killings.
6. MKULTRA
The Conspiracy: In the 1970's, it was speculated that the CIA was performing experiments dealing with mind control. Unwilling subjects who hadn't given consent were tested using psychoactive drugs such as LSD, mescaline (applied with sedatives at the same time), and pretty much every controlled substances. They tested people in brothels without their knowledge (as they wouldn't admit it to embarrassment), giving subjects LSD for 77 days in a row, and lacing anything to test prostitutes, military officers, mentally ill patients, hospital patients, and the general public to see the effects and if was possible to control actions. The goal was to produce a type of "manchurian candidate" to control. All documents on the project were destroyed once the word got out on the experiments.
The Proof: The CIA has openly admitted to testing on all these subjects. Lawsuits have been brought against the government but all are settled out of court and one that wasn't ruled in favor of the military. The Rockafellar Commission found that the CIA had illegally tested on unwilling subjects but investigation would be impossible since all the files had been destroyed.
Guilty Party: The CIA, Military, and the 44 colleges, 15 research foundations, 12 hospitals, and 3 prisons that participated in the experiments.
Here's a video explaining most of the situation. The information is all factual, the opinions of the speakers are just that. Opinions. So leave them at that.
5. Tuskegee Experiments
The Conspiracy: From the 1930s to 1970s, 300 black sharecroppers were injected with syphillis to see its effects if it went untreated. The conspiracy is that the negro males didn't give consent and did not even know they were being infected with the STD. In 1942, penicillin was widely used to cure the disease. Yet, ALL the black men infected were not given the cure just to see how the disease works and kills people. The patients were lied to and given placebos instead, as they were uneducated and poor, not knowing the difference. As a result, most died before the study was over and close to 70 more people were infected due to contact.
The Proof: Well, the scientists ended up admitting it and documents up the ying-yang were presented as proof. The incident sparked widespread paranoia as blacks would later blame the government for AIDS, crack, and impregnating disadvantaged single black women so they would have no chance at making it in the world. In response, the remaining infected alive were subsequently killed by firing squad.
The Guilty Party: Numerous doctors and the Tuskegee Institute. All were convicted but moved to Russia to infect the Jews with syphillis. They were subsequently killed by hanging.
(Note: Some details may be added for dramatic effect)
4. Watergate
The Conspiracy: In 1972, Nixon's goons broke into Watergate hotel to steal documents from the Democrats. After they were caught, Nixon tried to cover up the scandal. A Senate Investigation found that Nixon was behind it, as well as Nixon compiling an enemy's list with over 100 names that he was delibiritly screwing through the IRS and other manners. He also had a "plumber's squad" which would undertake numerous other operations like Watergate, a secret re-election slush fund, and tapes using the CIA to cover these up in national security interests.
The Proof: Tapes, confessions, and a shitton of evidence was compiled against Nixon and his goonies. They idiotically used the slush fund money to use for the burglars legal fees. Nixon's resignation obviously is a bit of a hint as well.
The Guilty Party: Nixon and a ton of aides, friends, and cabinet members. Although Nixon was never really found guilty, as the idiot President Gerald Ford pardoned him after taking office.
To lighten up the mood a little, I've included a video of a drunk squirrel. HA! Poor ugly squirrel can't get up the tree!
Back to Business:
3. Dreyfuss Affair
The Conspiracy: In 1894, Jewish French Captain Alfred Dreyfuss was tried for treason and was degradated to Devil's Island. A list of French artillery and secrets was found in the trash by a maid and was assumed to be Dreyfuss' because he was a, to quote the French PM, "dirty, dirty Jew." Evidence was withheld to the defense and another man was aquitted for the crime (a Hungarian double agent) to cover up that they covered up evidence. He was sent to jail for 5 years until his case was re-opened due to, and I quote Mark Twain "France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes."
The Proof: Emile Zola uncovered the plot, got himself tried to force the government to release the evidence. They did, he fled the country (typical), and Dreyfuss' case was reopened and thrown out. Dreyfuss was quoted as saying "Prison wasn't much different than serving in the French army. All I did was sit around." In other news, everyone not Jewish apparently secretly hates Jews. Not me! Well....
The Guilty Party: The French Government, who you could also blame for all American deaths in WWI and WWII, bringing about Vietnam, making expensive food that doesn't even fill you up, and being really snotty to foreigners.
Here's a excellent video pointing out French Intelligence. One can only assume military commanders are in the audience. Notice the question. If one of the answers was France, it probably would have been right since it's on French TV.
2. Business Plot
The Conspiracy: Leaders of US Steel, Standard Oil, General Motors, Chase National Bank, and Goodyear Tire Company got together to form a fascist coup over FDR, upset over New Deal legislation. The plan was to overthrow FDR using the military. The episode was largely downplayed in the media due to possible cabinet members being involved and people of high stature having significant pull over newspapers and the media. The conspirators promised 500,000 troops and $30 million in financial support. Thousands of war vets set up shop outside Washington to claim war bonuses were encouraged by a visit from major general Smedley Butler. (Is that name really awesome or just terrible?) Butler later testified that he was recruited to lead the large army in a coup over FDR.
The Proof: A Committee was called to investigate and found that a plot did indeed exist but that was all they released. The matter was dropped and barely ever heard from again. Much important excerpts of the hearings were deleted (especially in regards to prominent businessmens testimony)
The Guilty Party: It is unlikely to ever be fully known, but the Du Pont family and American Liberty League seem to have the most pull over the situation.
Here's some more info
1. The Protocols of the Elders of Zion
The Conspiracy: The above is a title for a literary fraud written in first person explaining how the Jews could take over the world. They outline 24 Protocols which Jews could take over the world (such as Alcoholism, Materialism, Porno, War, World Government, Brainwashing, and the destruction of all other religions, among others). The publication was used to ignite hatred of Jews in Russia, Germany, and Arab nations, who still use it today.
The Proof: Numerous trials and investigations have been done to figure out who exactly wrote the infamous article that sparked and "justified" mass violence against Jews. The fact that it emerged in Russia is a clue, since they hate Jews a lot. It came from anti-semite circles around 1900s in Germany. The obvious ridiculousness of the entire writing is probably the biggest hint. Numerous terms that are pretty taboo in Jewish writings is found throughout the literature, which if written by high ranking Jewish people, would not be the case. Plus, the phrase "Jews always scheme" probably wasn't written by a Jewish person.
The Guilty Party: Russian or German anti-semites who, wait for it, ACTUALLY THOUGH THIS IS WHAT JEWISH PEOPLE THINK. God, I hate Russians. Except Maria Sharapova. She can conspiracy theory me anytime. (cue funky jazz riff)
However, they might be on to something. Apparently the Jews are trying to take over Rap, Raggae, and Pop music through one man:
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Anyways, after exposing numerous plotters and douches, I am way tired. So I'll leave it to the great Ric Flair to sign me off. It's a great speech about me:
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