Het there again, ladies and gents! Today, I have an awesome blog for you today. I'm going to round up 6 Actors Who Tried Music. This one is guarranteed funny. Why wait? Let's get started.
6. The Ordinary Fear of God
Actor: Russell Crowe
Why It's Funny: Crowe has played a Gladiator, a DEA agent, a boxer, and a crazy mathematician, not to mention a master AND a commander. Listening to Crowe sing country music is like just waiting for him to stop with the sing-songy voice and just attack you with his voice. Plus, he was Gladiator and now he's singing country music.
Thank You, Youtube:
5. Don Johnson
Actor: Don Johnson.
Why It's Funny: Even though the song was popular, Don Johnson, who played a cop on the original Miami Vice and also starred on Nash Bridges with Cheech Marin, is really not a good singer. I mean, the song's not THAT bad, it's just that the video is painfull. Absolutely hilariously pathetic. Just watch it and you'll know what I'm talking about it.
Thank You, Youtube:
4. Eddie Murphy and Rick James
Actor: Funnyman Eddie Murphy
Why's It Funny: Because it's Eddie Murphy and Rick James singing "Party All the Time." I'm not sure about Murphy, but I know it was Rick James' life motto. Also, Eddie Murphy isn't a singer, which becomes more and more obvious throughout the song. A perfect example of an actor who had a musical dream but shouldn't have used his star status to try and make the transition. Part of me feels bad for him, then I remember the house he's living in.
Thank You, Youtube:
3. William Shatner
Actor: Capt. Kirk himself
Why It's Funny: Because he doesn't actually sing, he uhhhh.....says? The most ridiculous version of "Rocket Man" ever recorded is what puts Shatner on this list. No one can blame Shatner for his extreme cockiness in thinking he could turn to music and thank god this video was produced because of it. If you haven't seen it, please, watch and enjoy.
Thank You, Youtube:
2. Steven Seagal
Actor: Steven Seagal. Yes, THAT Steven Seagal
Why It's Funny: The same guy that gave you "Out for Blood" and "Marked for Death" give's you his first and hopefully last musical single "Girl, It's Alright". I really don't know where else to go with this. This is pretty self-explanatory as to why it's untinentiolly hilarious. It's Steven Seagal singing a love song. Throughout the video, you expect him to just karate kick everyone and call this music "pussyt-shit".
Thank You, Youtube:
1. The Wiseguys
Actor: Joe Pesci
Why It's Funny: This is Joe Pesci (FUNNY HOW? LIKE A CLOWN?) and he's rapping. Well, it's more like a fast talking motion. However, he's really trying, which is what makes it hilarious. Joe Pesci, the same stereotypical typecasted Italian, is TRYING TO RAP. I'm not sure why, how, or who sold this and said "YEA! WE SHOULD DO THIS!". Just watch and enjoy, and try to remember: it's Joe Pesci.
Thank You, Youtube:
I hope you laughed throughout the article as much as I did. Laughing at the failure of others is fun, isn't it? Besides, all these guys got enough money to purchase a small island. Until next time, laugh it up.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Life's Too Short
Back from a short hiatus, I am back and ready to present you with another excellent bloging that will certainly blow your mind. It has come to my recent attention that life is pretty damn short. I know, I know, I was surprised when I heard too. Often people never even figure out what they want to do with their short existences. Very few make them count. I'm here too help. Some people need 12 steps to get over alcohol. I'll give you 12 Steps To Happiness. Learn them and live them.
#1: Avoid Religion
Sorry to be so shocking up front, but it's true. Think about it. Religion makes you fear going to hell and thus, doesn't allow you to enjoy the whole spectrum of life. You have to get up early on Sundays, can't masturbate or have sex before marriage, or yell out "GOD DAMN IT!" when you stub your toe. With no religion, it's easier to sit back and just enjoy life.
#2: Attend a Major Sporting Event
Now, when I say this, I mean seeing the Bears in the Super Bowl, the Cubs in the playoffs, going to the World Cup in Brazil, or the Olympics. It will make you appreciate it so much more. Nothing is as trivial in life as sports, but it's triviality is what makes it so important. It's an escape and we all need it. So maybe the Cubs will lose or the USA will get knocked out in the 1st round. You were there.
#3: Go to "That" Place
You know the place you've always dreamed of going? Go there. For me, it's Dublin and I'm going there in March. If your German, go to Munich during Oktoberfest. French? Go to the gay bar down the street. Islamic? Go to Mecca. You will look back on your life one day and say "I regret a lot. But not going there." Trust me, it will change your perspective on life and everything around you. It will make you happier inside.
#4: Fall in Love
This one's pretty self-explanatory. Falling in love, although sometimes ending disastorous, can be the best feeling you ever experience. Life is about finding what you love and going after it. So, if you can't find a person that you love, find something. Chances are you won't make it very long in life if you can't find something you love.
#5: Get Banned From Somewhere
It may be a bar or a restaurant or whatever, but do it. Be obnoxious is a high class bar or start shit in a dive. You will feel better about yourself and you will be able to say, passing by, "Yeah, I'd take you there but I'm banned". It may not sound like a good person but it will make you seem mysterious. Everyone loves mystery.
#6: See Your Favorite Band in Concert
Hopefully your favorite band isn't Queen, cuz Freddie Mercury's dead. Anyways, see the next best thing. There's nothing like seeing the music you love up close. It's one of those natural highs. That strumming baseline or guitar solo might just be a turning point in your life.
#7: Score Someone Way Out of Your League
See that extremely attractive blonde at the end of the bar? What the hell are you waiting for? Go hit on her. You never know, you might just discover your A+ game while talking to her and she might just be drunk enough to feel like your good enough to go home with. The next morning you will wake up and think "Wow, I'm good." And you are good. Damn good, actually. So act like it.
#8: Overspend on a Gift for your Best Friend
Nothing beats the feeling of getting an awesome present. So, one time, spend an extremely ridiculous amount of money on a present for your favorite person. After he opens your $150 bottle of scotch, his girlfriends present, such as a sweater, will seem like a joke gift. Not to make her feel bad, but you'll be able to think "Wow, I'm a great person." Sounds conceited? So what, 99% of your actions in life will be selfish ones, whether you like it or not.
#9: Live Somewhere Different
Spending your whole life in one place is just not a good idea. Eventually, your going to pine for more. So, if you really liked Amsterdam when you went, go live there for a year. Could be San Diego, Tokyo, Alaska, or Tiajuana. There's more to see in the world than you could imagine and a week in one place is not nearly enough to get acquainted with it. So go live somewhere for a year or two, even if it sets you back. I can tell you right now that I will be extremely pissed off if I still live in Chicago when I'm 27.
#10: Get in a Fight
Now, this seems like advice taken from Fight Club or something, but let me explain. Everyone has pent up anger inside them. I see no better way to get rid of it than to kick that annoying guy's ass. It may seem like a childish action but, if you think about it, won't you feel better about yourself? Even if you lose, at least you stood up for something, no matter how trivial. "Hey buddy, did you just move the 8 ball? WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?" Don't stand for that, stand for yourself.
#11: Don't EVER Let The Man Get You Down
So your working in a job that sucks? Don't sweat it, happy hour is soon approaching. Just make work fun. Drink at lunch or hit on the secretary. Take bets on how many donuts Larry will eat. Work sucks for most people, so if you let the man get you down, you, sir, are a loser. It may not get you very far ahead but you'll be happier and that's what it's all about.
#12: Do Something You're Way Too Nervous to do
Could be skydiving. Could be drinking absinthe, doing marijuana, hitting on your friends mom, or going out til 3 AM when you have a test at 9 AM the next day. You may fail, get beligerent, and make an ass of yourself but one thing you won't do is regret it. The crazy things I've done in life are the best memories. The only thing you will regret is not doing it sooner. Life is all about the happy, fun memories you will have later on. Go crazy now and never, NEVER NEVER EVER settle down. Wouldn't you rather have 50 great years than 75 dull ones??
Just make the most of every moment. Follow the 12 steps and maybe you can find the meaning of happiness. Until next time, get out there and start living. Nothing's more important.
#1: Avoid Religion
Sorry to be so shocking up front, but it's true. Think about it. Religion makes you fear going to hell and thus, doesn't allow you to enjoy the whole spectrum of life. You have to get up early on Sundays, can't masturbate or have sex before marriage, or yell out "GOD DAMN IT!" when you stub your toe. With no religion, it's easier to sit back and just enjoy life.
#2: Attend a Major Sporting Event
Now, when I say this, I mean seeing the Bears in the Super Bowl, the Cubs in the playoffs, going to the World Cup in Brazil, or the Olympics. It will make you appreciate it so much more. Nothing is as trivial in life as sports, but it's triviality is what makes it so important. It's an escape and we all need it. So maybe the Cubs will lose or the USA will get knocked out in the 1st round. You were there.
#3: Go to "That" Place
You know the place you've always dreamed of going? Go there. For me, it's Dublin and I'm going there in March. If your German, go to Munich during Oktoberfest. French? Go to the gay bar down the street. Islamic? Go to Mecca. You will look back on your life one day and say "I regret a lot. But not going there." Trust me, it will change your perspective on life and everything around you. It will make you happier inside.
#4: Fall in Love
This one's pretty self-explanatory. Falling in love, although sometimes ending disastorous, can be the best feeling you ever experience. Life is about finding what you love and going after it. So, if you can't find a person that you love, find something. Chances are you won't make it very long in life if you can't find something you love.
#5: Get Banned From Somewhere
It may be a bar or a restaurant or whatever, but do it. Be obnoxious is a high class bar or start shit in a dive. You will feel better about yourself and you will be able to say, passing by, "Yeah, I'd take you there but I'm banned". It may not sound like a good person but it will make you seem mysterious. Everyone loves mystery.
#6: See Your Favorite Band in Concert
Hopefully your favorite band isn't Queen, cuz Freddie Mercury's dead. Anyways, see the next best thing. There's nothing like seeing the music you love up close. It's one of those natural highs. That strumming baseline or guitar solo might just be a turning point in your life.
#7: Score Someone Way Out of Your League
See that extremely attractive blonde at the end of the bar? What the hell are you waiting for? Go hit on her. You never know, you might just discover your A+ game while talking to her and she might just be drunk enough to feel like your good enough to go home with. The next morning you will wake up and think "Wow, I'm good." And you are good. Damn good, actually. So act like it.
#8: Overspend on a Gift for your Best Friend
Nothing beats the feeling of getting an awesome present. So, one time, spend an extremely ridiculous amount of money on a present for your favorite person. After he opens your $150 bottle of scotch, his girlfriends present, such as a sweater, will seem like a joke gift. Not to make her feel bad, but you'll be able to think "Wow, I'm a great person." Sounds conceited? So what, 99% of your actions in life will be selfish ones, whether you like it or not.
#9: Live Somewhere Different
Spending your whole life in one place is just not a good idea. Eventually, your going to pine for more. So, if you really liked Amsterdam when you went, go live there for a year. Could be San Diego, Tokyo, Alaska, or Tiajuana. There's more to see in the world than you could imagine and a week in one place is not nearly enough to get acquainted with it. So go live somewhere for a year or two, even if it sets you back. I can tell you right now that I will be extremely pissed off if I still live in Chicago when I'm 27.
#10: Get in a Fight
Now, this seems like advice taken from Fight Club or something, but let me explain. Everyone has pent up anger inside them. I see no better way to get rid of it than to kick that annoying guy's ass. It may seem like a childish action but, if you think about it, won't you feel better about yourself? Even if you lose, at least you stood up for something, no matter how trivial. "Hey buddy, did you just move the 8 ball? WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?" Don't stand for that, stand for yourself.
#11: Don't EVER Let The Man Get You Down
So your working in a job that sucks? Don't sweat it, happy hour is soon approaching. Just make work fun. Drink at lunch or hit on the secretary. Take bets on how many donuts Larry will eat. Work sucks for most people, so if you let the man get you down, you, sir, are a loser. It may not get you very far ahead but you'll be happier and that's what it's all about.
#12: Do Something You're Way Too Nervous to do
Could be skydiving. Could be drinking absinthe, doing marijuana, hitting on your friends mom, or going out til 3 AM when you have a test at 9 AM the next day. You may fail, get beligerent, and make an ass of yourself but one thing you won't do is regret it. The crazy things I've done in life are the best memories. The only thing you will regret is not doing it sooner. Life is all about the happy, fun memories you will have later on. Go crazy now and never, NEVER NEVER EVER settle down. Wouldn't you rather have 50 great years than 75 dull ones??
Just make the most of every moment. Follow the 12 steps and maybe you can find the meaning of happiness. Until next time, get out there and start living. Nothing's more important.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Controversey Loves Company
The passion felt in sports is something that is rivaled in very few other aspects of life. The truth is, life is hard and sports is a great escape. People tend to become very emotionally involved when their teams are doing well or struggling. One thing that cannot stand, however, is getting unfairly screwed by a bad call or controversial play. So let's go over what the worst moments for fans were. The 6 Most Controversial Plays in Sports History. It's like getting screwed out of a whole week in your paycheck, or getting points taken off for not having a cover page on your essay. Just plain stupid.
6. Phantom Interference
Game: 2002 College Football Nat'l Championship Game. Ohio State vs. Miami (FL)
The Controversey: In the first overtime, Miami had scored a touchdown. Ohio St. faced a 4th down with future Bears QB Craig Krenzel manning the offense. He threw a fade in the back of the end zone, which Chris Gamble went up for but couldn't make the grab. A Miami defender made some light contact, drawing a ridiculously late and unnecessary penalty flag. Miami went on to lose in the next Overtime.
Watch and see for yourself. They were Big 10 referee's by the way, which Ohio St. belongs to.
5. Brady Tucking It In
Game: Jan. 19, 2002 AFC Divisional Playoff game between the Patriots and Raiders in a blizzard. Known as "The Snow Job"
The Controversy: Tom Brady went back to pass late in the game, was sacked and fumbled the football. The Raiders recovered, but the play was reviewed and ruled an incomplete pass due to one of the stupidest rules in the NFL, the Tuck Rule (any attempt to pass by moving your arm forward in any way is ruled a pass, even if the QB doesn't intend to pass). The Patriots went on to win the game and the Super Bowl. The Raiders have since been doomed to be awful ever year after.
Judge for yourself, the play occurs at the 3:30 mark in the clip
4. Maier Saves the Day
Game: 1996 A.L. Championship Series Game 1, NY Yankees vs. Baltimore Orioles @ Yankee Stadium
The Controversy: Stud Yankee SS Derek Jeter (you may have heard of him) hit a deep fly ball to right field with the Yankees down 4-3 in the Bottom of the 8th. Orioles RF Tony Torasco went back to the fence, was about to catch it, and 12-Year Old Jeffery Maier (now a MLB scout with the Brewers) reached over the fence and deflected the ball into the stands and Umpire Rich Garcia called it a Home Run. (Maier didn't even get the ball and Garcia later admitted to blowing the call. The Yankees won the game and the World Series anyway)
No video available but the photo should be enough:
"The Catch"
3. Miracle in Music City
Game: January 8, 2000. NFL Wild Card Playoff Game. Tennessee Titans vs. Buffalo Bills.
The Controversy: With 16 seconds remaining, the Bills kicked a Field Goal to go ahead 16-15. On the ensuing kickoff, the Bills squib kicked (kicking it directly in the ground so the opposing team would have to return it, much shorter than an actual kickoff) the ball and Lorenzo Neal picked it up, lateraled to Frank Wycheck, who "lateraled" to Kevin Dyson, who ran it 75 yards to score as time expired, to win the game. Officials reviewed the play and determined it was a lateral. The final lateral from Wycheck to Dyson is almost asymmetrical, as it seemed to be forwards but has been considered on an exact line. A forward pass is illegal but there is no rule on a pass that is neither forward nor backward which this one seemed to be.
You Decide:
2. Hand of God Goal
Game: Argentina vs. England in a 1986 World Cup Quarterfinal Match. The rivalry between the two was, and still is, fierce as they had just fought each other in the Falklands War 4 years earlier. Also, England thinks they own the world.
The Controversy: At the start of the 2nd half, score 0-0, Argentina had the ball deep in England's zone. An English defender tried to clear the ball but instead kicked it toward his own goal. Argentine player Diego Maradona ran toward the ball, hit it with his fist into the goal and the goal was allowed, as nobody realized it was an illegal hand ball. Maradona, later in the game, scored what is considered the best goal ever scored in World Cup history. (Goal of the Century) Argentina went on to win 2-1 and won the entire World Cup. The English are still pissed and I'm still laughing at them.
It hit his hand but who cares. England's won enough battles. Watch it and laugh at England:
1. "The Play"
Game: 1982 Cal-Stanford College Football Game, the 85th straight meeting between the 2 schools. Stanford needed a win to make a bowl game, as they were led by future hall of famer John Elway.
The Controversy: As Stanford took the lead with just 5 seconds left 20-19, they squib kicked it to Cal, who only had 10 men on the field, one less than the usual 11 (that's not illegal). It's claimed that Dwight Gardner was down before he lateraled (at the 16 second mark in the video), that the final lateral was forward (22 second mark), which is illegal, and that the TD shouldn't have counted since the band was on the field, which is the most ridiculous thing ever to happen in sports. It's impossible to tell if the first 2 claims have any warrant at all and probably were called correctly. The band on the field is a difficult one, since there really isn't a rule regarding such a situation. It will live on as the craziest, strangest, very controversial and most memorable college football play of all time.
You've seen it, here it is if you want to see it again:
There you have it. Nothing like a little controversy to get the blood going. Life is all about it. Hope you enjoyed this edition and keep tuning in. Until next time, se du senere.
6. Phantom Interference
Game: 2002 College Football Nat'l Championship Game. Ohio State vs. Miami (FL)
The Controversey: In the first overtime, Miami had scored a touchdown. Ohio St. faced a 4th down with future Bears QB Craig Krenzel manning the offense. He threw a fade in the back of the end zone, which Chris Gamble went up for but couldn't make the grab. A Miami defender made some light contact, drawing a ridiculously late and unnecessary penalty flag. Miami went on to lose in the next Overtime.
Watch and see for yourself. They were Big 10 referee's by the way, which Ohio St. belongs to.
5. Brady Tucking It In
Game: Jan. 19, 2002 AFC Divisional Playoff game between the Patriots and Raiders in a blizzard. Known as "The Snow Job"
The Controversy: Tom Brady went back to pass late in the game, was sacked and fumbled the football. The Raiders recovered, but the play was reviewed and ruled an incomplete pass due to one of the stupidest rules in the NFL, the Tuck Rule (any attempt to pass by moving your arm forward in any way is ruled a pass, even if the QB doesn't intend to pass). The Patriots went on to win the game and the Super Bowl. The Raiders have since been doomed to be awful ever year after.
Judge for yourself, the play occurs at the 3:30 mark in the clip
4. Maier Saves the Day
Game: 1996 A.L. Championship Series Game 1, NY Yankees vs. Baltimore Orioles @ Yankee Stadium
The Controversy: Stud Yankee SS Derek Jeter (you may have heard of him) hit a deep fly ball to right field with the Yankees down 4-3 in the Bottom of the 8th. Orioles RF Tony Torasco went back to the fence, was about to catch it, and 12-Year Old Jeffery Maier (now a MLB scout with the Brewers) reached over the fence and deflected the ball into the stands and Umpire Rich Garcia called it a Home Run. (Maier didn't even get the ball and Garcia later admitted to blowing the call. The Yankees won the game and the World Series anyway)
No video available but the photo should be enough:
"The Catch"3. Miracle in Music City
Game: January 8, 2000. NFL Wild Card Playoff Game. Tennessee Titans vs. Buffalo Bills.
The Controversy: With 16 seconds remaining, the Bills kicked a Field Goal to go ahead 16-15. On the ensuing kickoff, the Bills squib kicked (kicking it directly in the ground so the opposing team would have to return it, much shorter than an actual kickoff) the ball and Lorenzo Neal picked it up, lateraled to Frank Wycheck, who "lateraled" to Kevin Dyson, who ran it 75 yards to score as time expired, to win the game. Officials reviewed the play and determined it was a lateral. The final lateral from Wycheck to Dyson is almost asymmetrical, as it seemed to be forwards but has been considered on an exact line. A forward pass is illegal but there is no rule on a pass that is neither forward nor backward which this one seemed to be.
You Decide:
2. Hand of God Goal
Game: Argentina vs. England in a 1986 World Cup Quarterfinal Match. The rivalry between the two was, and still is, fierce as they had just fought each other in the Falklands War 4 years earlier. Also, England thinks they own the world.
The Controversy: At the start of the 2nd half, score 0-0, Argentina had the ball deep in England's zone. An English defender tried to clear the ball but instead kicked it toward his own goal. Argentine player Diego Maradona ran toward the ball, hit it with his fist into the goal and the goal was allowed, as nobody realized it was an illegal hand ball. Maradona, later in the game, scored what is considered the best goal ever scored in World Cup history. (Goal of the Century) Argentina went on to win 2-1 and won the entire World Cup. The English are still pissed and I'm still laughing at them.
It hit his hand but who cares. England's won enough battles. Watch it and laugh at England:
1. "The Play"
Game: 1982 Cal-Stanford College Football Game, the 85th straight meeting between the 2 schools. Stanford needed a win to make a bowl game, as they were led by future hall of famer John Elway.
The Controversy: As Stanford took the lead with just 5 seconds left 20-19, they squib kicked it to Cal, who only had 10 men on the field, one less than the usual 11 (that's not illegal). It's claimed that Dwight Gardner was down before he lateraled (at the 16 second mark in the video), that the final lateral was forward (22 second mark), which is illegal, and that the TD shouldn't have counted since the band was on the field, which is the most ridiculous thing ever to happen in sports. It's impossible to tell if the first 2 claims have any warrant at all and probably were called correctly. The band on the field is a difficult one, since there really isn't a rule regarding such a situation. It will live on as the craziest, strangest, very controversial and most memorable college football play of all time.
You've seen it, here it is if you want to see it again:
There you have it. Nothing like a little controversy to get the blood going. Life is all about it. Hope you enjoyed this edition and keep tuning in. Until next time, se du senere.
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