Catcher: Cheerleader
Team Role: The cheerleader is flexible. So she can crouch down and grab those balls in the dirt. She may not be a great hitter, but she can get it down when she's on the defensive. With cheer experience, she'll have no problem calling pitches. She doesn't mind being the catcher in the pitcher/catcher dynamic, because she is so flexible and can get down and dirty when she needs to. With that flexibility, she can be moved to many different positions.
First Base: Police Officer
Team Role: The Police Office has power and she knows how to use the stick. All those tricky hard-hit balls that would normally handcuff mediocre defenders, she's used to them. She's in control of the infield and commands respects. She's got great hands and knows hot use them. Rarely does she let balls get by her. She may not be nice, but at the end of the day, you'd want her on the member of your team.
Second Base: Schoolgirl
Team Role: The school girl is short but always makes good contact. She doesn't have a great arm, but is efficient enough. She might not be on the top of your lineup, but she's always dependable. She's young but desperate to learn from the more seasoned players. She tries her hardest and always, always hustles up and down, no matter the situation. She's even better when she's on top (of the lineup, that is). Make no mistake, this person will not stand out, but you'll never regret squeezing her in there.
Shortstop: Dominatrix
Team Role: The shortstop needs to be in control and the dominatrix owns the situation. Call her off? She'll come at you harder. She swings and hits it hard, sometimes too hard. You can feel her precense, even after she's gone. She can really flash the leather and makes great plays on balls. Not afraid to get in your face if she doesn't like what you're doing. It doesn't get much more intense than the dominatrix. Not afraid of getting dirty and dealing with a little pain if she has to, as long as she gets the job done.
Third Baseman: Maid
Team Role: At the hot corner, you need someone to clean up alot of messes and nobody does it better than the maid. She can pick it and get down on her knees if she has to get to real tough messes. She can dust off almost any mistake. When the temperature gets turned up, she's great at keeping things hard on her opponent. Great power hitter, since she has experience mopping the floor after sticky spills around her. Fun clubhouse presence, bringing in brooms for sweeps and really finding creative ways to use the handle, if in a tough area.
Left Fielder: Historical Figure
Team Role: Whether it be Cleopatra or Marie Antoinette, the historical figure doesn't know much about the game but is great at it. Their experience always comes in handy. She's never had to practice or learn new techniques, she's just a natural. She'll take care of the opponent, no matter how big and scary it is. Is known for being arrogant and cocky, letting her ego get the best of her sometimes. She's depraved but everyone loves her. Has a great eye at the plate and really has a tight power stroke. When it's time to finish, she'll spit in your face just to let you know she's won.
Center Fielder: Nurse
Team Role: The nurse always makes great reads and that's why she's in center. Always gets it through those tight holes. If you catch a cold, she can always find a solution to get you hot again. Fights through sickness to give it their all. The fans adore her and she can always ride the team to victory. Even the most cancerous team member respects and knows he should treat her right. She doesn't talk a big game but she flat-out gets it done. She's the glue that makes them stick together. At least, I think that's glue.
Right Fielder: Movie Character
Team Role: No matter the character, no matter the movie, the right fielder is the most hot and cold player on the team. She could be good, could be bad. you never know what to expect from her and sometimes that's a great thing. Is a slave to practice and does it early and often. Everything she does is erratic, from her throwing arm to her journey from 1st to 3rd base. You can forget about her for a long time, but when she gets it going there's rarely a better sight.
Starting Pitcher: Nun
Team Role: The nun is the teams anchor. She always keeps her emotions behind the vail and has a mean screwball. Isn't afraid to use a little spit. Gets on her knees when every batter is finished. Is deeply humble but not afraid to get after it. Her grip and delivery isn't the greatest but it gets the job done. Knows how to twist her hips throughout her motion. Can take a little off if she's going for a quick at bat. Don't be fooled by her appearance, she WORKS IT on the mound
Closer: Celebrity
Team Role: When there's nobody else to depend on, you just have to go to the celebrity to finish it off. Angelina Jolie? Jessica Alba? Samantha Ronson (i mean, to each their own)? It really doesn't matter because she's gonna get you off (the hook). Bring her in when you want to get out of a jam and she can definitely work through the situation with force. She's got a ton of flair and passion for the game and it shows when she's performing. Will speak openly about how good they are, but are humble around the biggest members in their life.
Plus, she's good at sex.
What's your sex fantasy baseball lineup? Now that you've read mine, I'm sure you think much less of me as a person. But there's nothing wrong with a little depravity now and then. I have many more drunk ideas, so I think we can keep going with this segment! Yeah? YEAH! I'll be back sometime this week with my next Drunk Michael Bay review. Until then, have a good week and aur revoir, mes amours!
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