What You're Really Thankful For

On a day like today, we are supposed to look at our lives and give thanks for the most important things. Your family, friends, significant others, health, etc. Please. I know what you're really thankful for and have compiled a list of the stuff that really does matter most. Because sometimes you need to thank the people who make your lives more interesting, like me. So thank me. After you're done reading 40 Things You're Really Thankful For

1. Designated Drivers
2. When you're girl/boy friend gets drunk and you just know you're gonna get some good lovin' because of it.
3. Dance/Hip-Hop music that makes girls dance like they're in a rap video.
4. Drink specials that are so preposterous, you'd be stupid not to go out/take extreme advantage.
5. Ridiculous drunk texts from ridiculously drunk people.
6. When a drunk girl tells you she's a virgin, even if she's not, to make sex more fun.
7. Terrible looking people hooking up with each other.
8. People stumbling and falling down while drunkwalking.
9. Food places that are open ALL. NIGHT. LONG.
10. That shitty band that is all the sudden pretty damn good after your 6th beer.
11. Pictures of you that you have no recollection of taking.
12. Tylenol, Advil, and Coffee
13. Not remembering someone's name all night long and getting away with it.
14. Looking much worse than you think you look.
15. Finding creative ways to get free drinks.
16. The invention of a tasty new drink that is yours and yours alone. (See: Seagrams 7, Splash of Tequila, 7 Up, Top with Champagne)
17. Waking up, looking next to you, and breathing a sigh of relief.
18. Passing other people on their walks of shame while you are on yours.
19. Being able to hide your hangover from everyone well.
20. Being the drunkest person at a family event--and not caring.
21. Bars that are open til 4 AM.
22. Being the only drunk person somewhere and being proud of it.
23. Cubs games that give you an excuse to drink during the day.
24. Drunk girls in heels.
25. Saying things that feel profound--but aren't.
26. Asking the bartender "What's the strongest drink you can make?" and have him respond "I know what you need" when buying a girl a drink.
27. Having a gay person hit on you even if you aren't gay and liking it because gay people know all about looks and style.
28. Not knowing any better.
29. Waking up wearing something completely different than the night before.
30. Hungover morning sex.
31. Choosing mexican food because, hey, they have margaritas.
32. Saying "it'll all work out" throughout the night and being right.
33. People in your phone with names like "Purple Shirt Bar Guy" or "Best Head Ever."
34. Your friend foolishly opening up a tab with you around.
35. Being allowed to go to a bar in gym shorts.
36. "Whoo!" girls.
37. Being hurt and not able to feel it.
38. Sunday Fundays.
39. Droral Sex. (Drunk Oral Sex) I mean...it's pretty satisfying.
40. Short Epileptic Jewish Girls that like you for some reason.

That's what you're really thankful for. Thank ME later. Peace out and Happy Thanksgiving!