Nothing worse than douchebags. Am I right or am I right? Recently, I wanted to find out what it's like to spend an entire night out with douchebags. I found a guy that wears Ed Hardy and a guy who had a Pink Collard Shirt with a popped collar and hair so gelled it would hurt to run your fingers through it. This is what happened.
Arrive at the Club at exactly 11:00pm
Ed Hardy: Tight, brah, just on the dot. Check out the tools here. The babies in the club be feelin' tahhhnighttttttt.
Popped: Fucking fuck bro. Let's get some brews and mack hard.
Ed Hardy: SICK AS TIGHT BRO.
(High five chest bump, into the club)
Ed Hardy: Hello there beautiful do you like my new sunglasses? I got them to shield me from your shining eyes.
Popped: FUCKIN' SICK PICK UP LINE BRO
Ed Hardy: YEAH BRO! Yo, barkeep, two jagerbombs light on the bombs, if ya can handle.
Popped: JAGERBOMBS LIGHT! FUCKINNNNG BEAUTIFUL!
Ed Hardy: Let us toast to Thealand and all the tight Ed Hardy gear they brewin'!
Popped: AND THE SICK POLO'S BRO!
Popped: Hey gorgeous, wanna come back to my place? I just got the new season of Entrouage. IN FUCKIN' BLUUUUUUU-RAY!
Ed Hardy: Yo, you said yo sis was 17 but maybe you could invite her anyway.
Girl: Tight, you don't mind the age limit things?
Popped: AGE LIMITS FOR FAGS BRO!
Ed Hardy: Alright let's bounce like gelatin. We'll be rollin' in my tight ass tricked out Izuzu. Yo, Popped, grab some Red Bull Lights for the road. Gotta stay energized for you, ladies.
Popped: TIGHT TRANSITION INTO A PICK UP LINE BRO! FOUR RED BULL LIGHTS!
Bartender: That's $15.69
Popped: Sixty nine like me and and your mom later, queer!
Popped: YO WHO WANTS TO WATCH MY REAL WORLD AUDITION TAPE?
Ed Hardy: Pop that in. Trust me ladies, it's about as tight as my all-in-one shampoo-conditioner-cologne-aftershave that I got from Ben Affleck, brosis's.
Popped: It's pretty tight bro. Smells like FUCKIN' SEX PLAYER JUICE!
Ed Hardy: You ladies wanna drink? I got this new recipe for GHBtini. Supposed to be SICK. AS. FUCK.
Girls: We'll have two each.
Popped: It's a FUCKIN' TROJAN NIGHT SICKSTER!
Ed Hardy: Let's bump chests in honor of this glorious time.
(bumps chests. Popped's phone rings)
Popped: Sup? WHAT?! (hangs up) WE GOTTA GO BRO!
Ed Hardy: What is it my brosef?
Popped: CLEARANCE SALE AT ABERCROMBIE FOR KIDS!
Ed Hardy: Oh we gotta go mack.
Popped: LET'S TEENY BOP BOP!
Ed Hardy: To the TIZUZU!
Popped: WAY TO COMBINE TIGHT AND IZUZU BRO!
Ed Hardy: Roll out bizetches.
And that's where they left me. And thank god. Because it was getting kind of ridiculous. But until next time, aur revoir!
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