Seating
If She's Pooping, Is That Picture Less Hot? I Say No.Examples: Couch(es), Chairs, Beanbags, Toilets, Floors. Anywhere you can put your butt down without being in pain. So like, that girl above? Her sitting on my lap would hurt. Me. Cause she'd be sitting on my boner. And not while having sex...just sitting.
How It Helps Your After-Party: Drunk people are always bumbling, stumbling, tumbling onto the ground, so sometimes it's a good idea to let them sit down (not always. remember: pain is funny on other people). For your party, you're gonna want a few chairs or a couch so they can take part in the trend known as sitting. It's quite fun. Besides, if you don't have somewhere to sit in your place, that's pretty embarrassing. So that "Well, maybe..." from the 225 lb stunner you met at the bar's vending machine will turn into "Do you have any steak?" Or just "No."
Stay Ahead of the Game: Put a tarp or crappy blanket over your couch; that way, the vomit or spilled food will be easier to clean/not make your couch utterly hideous!
Food
You see, it makes sense because the sandwich sorta looks like a penis. And the girl, a hooker.Examples: Chips, Pizza, Pretzels, a French Roommate that majors in Home Ec.
How It Helps Your After-Party: Drunk people get hungry. There's always one in every group that is hungry at the end of the night. And after they mention it, food seems like a good idea to anyone around them. So it's a good idea to have some food. (Probably is, anyway). Forewarning, it will be mostly gone after they leave but you will have the satisfaction of knowing that drunk people you didn't have sex with ate all your food and left that mess of half eaten edible undies that someone found in your underwear drawer while "looking for a rubber, bro!"
Stay Ahead of the Game: Bring out the shitty, older food that you don't really like! Drunk people will eat anything with salt!
Boobs
Yeah. Those.Examples: A Cups, B Cups, C Cups, D Cups, DD Cups, Man Boobs.
How It Helps Your After-Party: I think this one is pretty self-explanatory. If Boobs come to the party, other Boobs will want to come to your party. If there are many Boobs, there will be more things to look at. And, if you're lucky, play with. They are also useful if you need milk for your White Russians. What's that you say? Girls aren't just boobs? Hush, B-Cup! I don't hear mammoryspeak from any Boobs under 30C!
Stay Ahead of the Game: Make sure you have a few good porno's loaded for when you get home--just in case!
Cleaning Products
Maids also WorkExamples: Comet, Windex, Paper Towels, Mexicans, Cubans, Colombians, Hot Latina Women that like to get their hands dirty.
How It Helps Your After-Party: The after-party usually resolves in someone getting sick. But the prepared drunk host is a clean drunk host! Invest in some cleaning products or threaten some illegal immigrants that you'll report them to the INS and you should be fine. After all, those Icehouses aren't going to be drank then thrown up while you watch Pablo clean by themselves!
Stay Ahead of the Game: Those people that look like getting sick can just be locked outside until the next morning!
Booze
Pictured: Skol VodkaExamples: Beer, Vodka, Whiskey, Absinthe, Paint Thinner, Nyquil, Lindsay Lohan's Blood
How It Helps Your After-Party: Generally, people go to after-parties to drink more. So if you have drink, that can help. If not, maybe you can get that pushover in your group to go get some. The after-party is a great way to unload unwanted booze. At the point of drunkenness people are usually at during an after-party, it won't matter if you serve them Kristal or CatPiss Champagne. Rejoice! Hosting the after party usually gives you a better chance at getting laid. Why? Well, drunk people are lazy. If they're already somewhere and hammered they might look for a bed or couch to sleep on. But beware! Don't be The Sexless Innkeeper! Kick them out unless they're getting down! Boom!
Stay Ahead of the Game: Have a condom! They work good for sex things!
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