Love is Watching Brett Favre Fail. And Sex. Lots and Lots of Sex.

Now that the massive skankbag attention whore Brett Favre has failed, Conan is off the Late Show, and I begin the hell that is marathon training, we all can revert back to bitching about stupid things like Miley Cyrus being a slut and how bad Taylor Swift's new song is. (What? Don't people bitch about those things?) Anyways, I like writing things. Funny things. This is pretty funny, what I'm about to write here. What if TV Shows did spin-offs that we're crazy alcoholic and offensive? FIND OUT MOTHAFRACKERS! Alcoholic TV-Spin Offs

How I Divorced Your Mother
Starring: Tiger Woods, his kids, Bob Saget as the narrator
Spin-Off Of: How I Met Your Mother
The Plot: An alcoholic Tiger Woods, now 260 pounds, tells the kids the story of how he met their mother and what led up to their tragic divorce. The show is much like "Entourage" except that....he's married. That doesn't stop Tiger from becoming a hero, goat, then eventually hero again when he wins his next golf tournament. Also stars John Daly as Tiger's wingman. Laugh track included because it's hilarious. Or something.
Preview: "NEXT WEEK.....TIGER FUCKS BITCHES!"


The Biggest Boozer
Starring: Mel Gibson, Mickey Rourke, Those Chicks On the Sweden Team from Beerfest that were drinking in almost nothing.
Spin-Off Of: The Biggest Loser
The Plot: Much like "Inside the Actors Studio," Gibson and Rourke sit in front of a classroom, drinking scotch, and talking about the annihilation of all minorities. Shown on NBC's "Nobody Watches This Network Now, Anyways" Tuesday Night line-up, right before Leno, there are in-depth arguments as to the destruction of the Jewish people, how to get out of DUI's, and the intricacies of a good bar fight. Rourke says brass knuckles, Gibson says knife attached to boot. By the end of each show, they won't remember they were even there! And neither will the 6 people watching!
Preview: The Season 1 Finale...


Sexter
Starring: Charlie Sheen, Jack Nicholson, Paula Abdul
Spin-Off Of: Dexter
The Plot; Sex addicts Sheen and Nicholson become obsessed with becoming the first to take sultry celebrity Paula Abdul's virginity. In-between trying to hook-up with Abdul, the two buddies learn valuable life lessons such as the power of rum, beer, cocaine, and penicillin. The show, shown on CBS' Wednesday night Drama Line-Up, also focuses on the two trying to learn how to become the best they can be at Sexting. Three thousand girls guest star as former sex partners of Sheen and Nicholson. Far fetched, right?
Preview: Who WOULDN'T center a show around this?!


Rye & Porter: Awesome Vices Unit
Starring: Colin Farrell, Enya, Liam Neeson
Spin-Off Of: Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
The Plot: Three Irish Cops and the missions they encounter--off duty! They all frequent a bar called Mickey O'Dolanihan's in central Dublin--OHIO! They all drink large amounts of Rye Whiskey and Porter Brew. Neeson looks for his daughter that has been dead for ten years every episode by using a pool cue as a gun. Enya sings karaoke after 6 whiskeytini's and Colin Farrell hits on all the customer's girlfriend's while slurring something about how he's Alexander the Greatest. Bono guest stars as an interventionist who the three kill.
Preview: "I says OI ! hows boot a saquel ta S.W.A.T?!"


Flight from ParoleBoads
Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Andy Dick, Gary Coleman
Spin-Off Of: Flight of the Conchords
The Plot: The shows chronicles of how three drunks attempt to escape out of the drunk tank and avoiding their third DUI conviction by fleeing to Mexico. FOX bills it as "PRISON BREAK mixed with IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA except it sucks!" Andy Dick continuously mistakes Coleman for a small child and attempts to molest him. Downey Jr. thanks god that he got sober and was cast in Iron Man. Can he lay off the booze? Is this premise really that far fetched? TUNE IN AND FIND OUT!! The three talk in New Zealand accents to blend in to the Mexican desert--or so they think.
Preview: "What ARE you talking about, William?"


Binge
Starring: Jack Bauer, Liz Lemon, Michael Scott, and John Locke
Spin-Off Of: Fringe
The Plot: The show explores TV's most famous characters--if they turned to binge drinking instead of their fictional professions! Jack Bauer gets fat and forgets how to beat up anything besides his liver! Liz Lemon becomes a martini addict and actually becomes a better writer but continuously throws up on her laptop when she's about to save her work! Michael Scott becomes a stand-up comedian and gets super famous! John Locke sits inside and feels sorry for himself all day in his Island-themed home! Barney Stinson does the same things as always: suits up, hits ass, and takes names like it ain't a THANG! Also, they all have sex with Liz Lemon and try and squeeze her into their drink. (Haha get it? Because she's named "Lemon"!)
Preview: Who drinks out of a pineapple continuously? SPONGE-BOB SQUAREPANTS!"


Hope you enjoyed my mindless diatribe! See you next timeeeeeeee!