You like it, you love it...here's some more of it. Drunk real time reviews of all those cheerleading movies you love cherish and ask for on your birthdays, anniversaries, christmas, chanukah, and kwanza. On that note...if you celebrate kwanza...you probably aren't at the right blog. But read on anyone! It's the one with Hayden Penetrationierre! That hot chick from Heroes and the little girl from Remember the Titans. And if you're a pedofile, that hot little girl from Remember the Titans. Also, please leave if you are that. Also the token black girl is Beyonce's sister...and she's 22. For once, I'm the real winner between writer vs. readers.
00:00:00: I'm drinking whatever the hell I want! WHAT DOES IT MATTA?!
00:00:44: Hayden grinding at prom. Then jumping. Who cares about the plot.
00:01:11: The star QB wins prom king. Where do they go to school, CRAZYTOWN?!?!
00:01:57: Cheering at Prom? Ummm...I feel like that's cool I guess.
00:02:55: Some kind of Satan worship cheer is going down. Is this one of those movies liek From Dusk Til Dawn where the vampires don't come til halfway through?
00:03:43: If this is one of Hayden's dreams, then where am I?
00:03:55: Hayden farted. Wait...girls do that?
00:04:33: Killer camera phone Hay-dawg.
00:05:00: Rihanna is in this? If Chris Brown shows up....WHOA!
00:05:55: PDA for Hay-Hay? AH so gross OMG WTF.
00:06:16: Hayden's a virgin? Haha. So is Lindsay Lohan.
00:06:59: Dude's gonna bang her by homecoming. I like this plot. It's like if American Pie was centered around jailbait and retarded monkeys.
00:07:46: Some guy just got hit in the balls. You really can't go wrong with comedy like that.
00:08:20: What's wrong with a big ass? I like them. So do black people. Right? I don't really know any, so maybe I'm wrong.
00:09:33: Hayden eating Funyons. I think I dreamt about that a few times. Also, they just mentioned Rihanna 3 times in a sentence. Shameless promotion, ftw I suppose.
00:10:38: Hayden's dad has a hideous mustache. This is a new category of bad mustache. It will be forever known as Shitstache.
00:11:16: Hayden has to move. RIGHT WHEN SHE MADE CAPTAIN! AHHH FUCK THAT!
00:12:04: Hayden was chewing gum and then she wasn't all in one double take. Someone must have used Diet iMovie to edit this one.
00:13:13: I think they are burying a dead body. Wait. They were burying her pom poms. Not even Beyonce's jailbait daughter can save us!
00:14:22: Girl spinning on her head. Doesn't that hurt or cause brain damage? Or wait...this is public school. Nevermind, nobody cares!
00:15:04: Awww Hayden's already getting made fun of at the black school. Let's all feel bad for her. Whoa beyonce's daughter isn't even that cute. My advice: ride the sis' coattails.
00:16:13: Blonde walking into a black school. Like meat thrown into the lions den.
00:17:00: "You speak IM? OFW!" That was literally written by someone. There have been like 82 abreevs. Save me whiskey.
00:18:05: The metal detector went off in Hayden's pants. Join the club.
00:19:09: Why would she need to go to public school if she was rich? That's so dumb, take a limo an hour away you stupid hoebag.
00:20:15: Some ho just slapped HayHay's Booty. From now on, I will speak ghetto in honor of mental retardation.
00:20:55: That cafeteria food looks good. If poop tastes good. HAHAHA.
00:21:21: Who the fuck cheers in a cafeteria? I would throw hot dogs ate them and yell "You suck suck those!"
00:22:02: Black people are pleased so easily. Must be why Tyler Perry's rich.
00:22:53: Not even the white chicks like Hayden. At least you can act!
00:23:55: hayden ran into a locker. Her rack looks better when she's lying down.
00:24:36: I bet these two will kiss in the next hour. Now excuse me while I kisssss da skyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
00:25:11: Holy S, yo! Dose Cheerleedas be rockin' mad flips and handostandos! And that guy is clearrly nawt Hispaniccc!
00:26:03: (Convienent announcement for cheerleading tryouts)
00:26:34: "Queerleaders!" Haha new name for male cheerleaders in my memory bank forevah evah.
00:27:19: The production value on this movie is surprisingly low.
00:28:22: Beyonce's sis is a total bitch. I'm telling Beyonce on you. (Dreams of doing so.....)
00:29:09: Girl's are so much more manupulative than guys. Like, twirling their hair means FUCK YOU HOBITCH. Whoa!
00:30:00: Cheer off! I haven't been this aroused since 4:59!
00:30:34: One time, One day, I want to be known as "Vanilla Latte." IGTS. What does that mean, mis hoes de sorority?
00:32:44: Where does one go about getting one of those pink star crusted heart jackets? Also, Rihanna radio mention. I bet you a penny worth of Kristal that she plays at the final competition.
00:33:55: Pout Pout Pout I want to cheer. Oops I feel in a box wah wah wah.
00:34:40: Hayden just grabbed a guy's balls. Now THAT'S a threat I wanna be threatened with! SEX JOKE!
00:35:35: Black can, for all intensive purposes, dance very well. But that doesn't mean we whites cannot "bust a move." Oh the lingo kids use nowadays!
00:35:53: First "awww shit!" It's about time.
00:36:44: Girl just flicked off Hayden and said "That's my spirit finger." I've got spirit fingers. They're gunfingaz.
00:37:40: Flat-chested girl from the old school can't get control of the squad. Push up bras might help.
00:38:22: Holy shit this girl learned to dance at the StripClub University. My favorite of them all.
00:39:05: Asian girl's a blackbelt. Where's the stereotyping?
00:40:20: They're break dance fighting.
00:40:50: They now appear to be crumping. That's not a thing, is it?
00:41:48: Now Hayden is crumping. I'd crump the shit out of her.
00:42:38: Hayden looks like my girlfriend when she's having an epileptic fit.
00:43:31: If crumping will get me noticed by Rihanna, what will ChrisBrowning do?
00:44:40: Beyonce Jr doesn't like crumping. Jay-Z Jr must have her on a leash!
00:45:43: I like her hoopy earings. Ghettofab.
00:46:11: I know nothing about fashion and know that what Hay-Hay's wearing is what gay people would call "a disaster worse than Chernobyl."
00:47:49: Why doesn't wanna have sex with the dumb jock? Isn't that all girls misguided and what will eventualy be a dissappointment's dream?
00:48:48: Is there a real "Cheer TV" and how can I order it on Comcast?
00:49:40: The school has a drumline. Where's Nick Cannon? He's hialrrrrious.
00:50:30: Flat chest vs. HayHay's Boobs! Together they might make a regular breast size.
00:51:50: Rihanna mentions: 19. Strangely, I feel like listening to "Disturbia."
00:52:33: Girls are gonna crump all the way to nationals. You go, respectful word for ladies.
00:53:22: Nothing like a cheer montage to "Hollaback Girl." I think 96% of their budget was for the music and Rihanna.
00:54:36: Maroon is such an ugly color. When will people learn.
00:55;11: I go to the beach in november too. Except I go ice skating.
00:55:33: That's hilar, West Coast Guido.
00:56:30: Kiss. How cute, except HayHay looks like she ain't feeling it. Maybe she's got his hair gel in her eye.
00:57:30: Now she looks like a pinata. WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY SPELLING OUT IM ABBREVIATIONS IN NORMAL CONVERSATION EVERY OTHER WORD AHHHH
00:58:12: Apparently, your dog dying is a bad excuse to miss a cheer meet. If you say it like a bumbling idiot.
00:59:00: Me thinks that's not the last time our beloved Hayden has put a twizzler in her mouth.
00:59:38: The dumb jock is doing a good job at playing the dumb jock. Me thinks that's no coincidence.
01:00:31: I'll beat the "dude" out of you. That's pretty clever.
01:01:11: Guido vs. Dumbass for HayHay. The pretty girls sure know how to choose them.
01:02:02: A room key as a prom present. How romantic. I got some hand lotion for prom.
01:03:21: A Rihanna mention and a fat joke in the same sentence and HAYDEN AINT HAPPY! BITCHES BE STEPPING ON HER SHIT!
01:04:10: The following words were said in near succession: "Crouching Tiger, Wigger, Buttpirate" Somewhere, a 14-year old writer is counting the money from this movie.
01:05:31: My brain hurts.
01:06:20: Hayden just straight up worked it with her booty. All ghetto style. (Looks for hand lotion I got for prom)
01:07:03: Flat Chest wins Prom Queen. Her uncircumsised dad and fat mom must be so proud.
01:08:11: Dumb jock gets broken up with. Looks like the guido's gonna win out. First time since The Situation fought Snooki.
01:09:35: Don't diss a black person. ALso, Hayden learned valuable lesson that you should conform. How sweet.
01:10:14: RahRahBarbie and her WuTangClan. So much racial tension, I feel like I'm watching West Side Story, Retard Edition.
01:11:11: She's back on the squad. Did I even mention that she was off it? Eh who cares. Deal with it.
01:12:39: Cheerleaders sure are flexible. I know because I slept with so many in high school.
01:13:26: Gotta tell HayHay how you feel! Be a Guido not a Guidon't!
01:14:33: Rihanna makes an apperance. Wonder how much effort she puts in to this. Answer: Not Much.
01:15:30: HayHay's team is cheering and it looks like all she did was take some Beginner's Ballet Lessons to learn the part. Bravo.
01:16:21: I'm no cheer judge, but this is just dancing.....If I can tell the difference.....
01:17:09: But since Rihanna's judging....the ghettoer the better I suppose. BTW how is that fat black chick getting thrown? Be like me throwing a Toyota.
01:18:32: Hayden's rivals are doing much better. And by that I mean...they are dressed way sluttier.
01:19:24: They're still cheering and the slutty comment was really all I had.
01:20:22: One of the rival hoes just passed out from lack of eating. Reminds me of that time I got stoned and forgot I was eating until I passed out mid chew.
01:21:45: These people are treating a big ass like it's some sort of hinderance. Rihanna's judging...shake that thing girl.
01:22:25: Guido and HayHay are making up. Classic.
01:23:21: The winners are in! And Rihanna's back from her part-time job of being Chris Brown's sparrer.
01:24:11: We have the twist ending! IT's between the two rival schools!
01:24:41: Cheer-Off in front of Rihanna. Reminds me of that tike I ____'d off in front of Rihanna.
01:25:46: Rivals (SluttyDancers) go first and they are dancing as slutty as ever, with a few moans thrown in. Christmas in December. Wait. That line doesn't work.
01:26:43: They're gonna improv like they do on the streets! Or Curb Your Enthusiasm. Probably the streets though.
01:27:29: Question: how are they all in sync if they are improv'n. That makes little sense. Then again...I am watching Bring it On 3 while drinking.
01:28:49: Also, they are dressed in camo. It's not hot. At least they blend in. Don't black people already look enough alike? Haha, I kid I kid.
01:29:31: Rihanna loves it. She's in the minority. But she's used to that so it's ok.
01:30:09: Rihanna also loves making the rules. Time the titles been said: 6.
01:31:16: HayHay's team wins. Proceed to feel shock and awe. And sunshine.
01:32:20: Is over. Commence real celebration.
Goodnight!
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