Off the Post

After going to England, I'm in a soccerlicious mood. Therefore, you will have to endure through my mood with me as I blog about it. So DEAL WITH IT! As you may or may not know, sports have always been a way to bring people together. Even if it brings them together with the other person's fist. That, I hope it's safe to say, is not the greatest thing about sports. The greatest thing about sports is that at any moment, anything could happen. The whole mood of a city can change in an instant. People go from celebration drinking (Week 16) to drowning their sorrows (Week 17). Believe it or not, this kind of stuff happens in soccer too. Maybe even more so. So without further adieu, I present to you The Best Soccer Games from Various Events. Let's kick it.

Best English Cup Match
Date/Match-Up: May 13, 2006: Liverpool v. West Ham
Background: This matchup between two top-10 top-level clubs was to decide the English Cup in the 2005-2006 season. Liverpool went in as the favorites, even though they play offense like the Bears: slow, boring, and not often.
Result: West Ham went up 2-0 early and led 2-1 at the half. Liverpool captain Steven Garrard, who recently was arrested for beating up a DJ who wouldn't play a Phil Collins song (read: not a joke), tied it 10 minutes into the second half before West Ham re-took the lead 10 minutes later. West Ham looked like they were going on to victory before they were thwarted again when Garrard sent a rocket in the air that night, OH LORD! The game went into extra time, until that ran out and penalty kicks were needed to decide the match. Liverpool goalie Pepe "LePeau" Reina atoned for earlier mistakes by keeping out 3 of West Ham's 4 penalties to win it for Liverpool and sending the London-based West Ham fans on a long drive back to a pub to spend some pounds on some pints. (I picked up all that lingo in London)
Here is Steven Garrard's rather impressive (or deflating, depending on who you ask) strike from about 35 yards out:


Best American Game
Date/Match-Up: June 5, 2002: Portugal v. USA
Background: At the 2002 World Cup, the U.S. was looking to make a better showing than their 32nd (last) place finish in the 1998 World Cup. Portugal was heavily favored and was thinking "America has a soccer team? What's next, Russia with a beach volleyball team? A Jamaican bobsled team? Bwahahaha."
Results: Contrary to popular belief, the US DOES have a soccer team, Russia does have a beach volleyball team, and the Jamaican's (Cool Runnings Reference Alert!) do have a bobsled team. The U.S. scored within the first 5 minutes, then again 25 minutes later on an own goal (there is nothing funnier or more tragic in sports than an own goal) to go up 2-0. Then Buffalo Grove's finest, Brian McBride, put the U.S. ahead 3-0, an extremely large margin, 5 minutes later. The Portuguese, looking as baffled as Kosuke Fukudome on an offspeed pitch, put in two goals before the end but could not add a third as the U.S. won the game and took away Portugal's spot into the next round, in which the U.S. beat Mexico (it's like the same country anyway) to advance to the quarterfinals before losing to the runner-up Nazi Germany. The U.S. has not won a World Cup game since and soccer is back to normal here.
Here are the U.S.'s goals from the Portugal game, a memorable game (well, maybe to some):


Best UEFA Cup Game
Date/Match-Up: May 16, 2001: Liverpool v. Deportivo Alaves
Background: (The UEFA is a second-tier tournament in which clubs who finish in the second tier of their top divisions compete against other European clubs of the same nature.) Liverpool's basically won everything a thousand times so it's no surprise they were in the finals, but Deportivo Alaves was a very surprising (like the Rays in the World Series) entry into the final, looking for their first trophy of any kind, except when they won the Pinewood Derby in Cub Scouts. Oh, wait. That was me. Anyways...
Results: The match was a goal-fest-stravaganza. Liverpool took a early 2 goal lead with goals from Markus Babel and Mr. Phil himself, Steven Garrard and then had a 3-1 lead at halftime. Five minutes into halftime, however, striker Javi Moreno of Deportivo Alaves scored two goals in just five minutes to even things up and stun the Liverpoolians. After another goal by Liverpool 20 minutes later, Deportivo Alaves amazingly tied the game up again with just 2 minutes left to force extra time and give the young team yet another chance. As dreams so often do, the amazing run ended in tragedy when D.A., just 5 minutes away from forcing Penalty Kicks, netted a goal in their own net to give the game to Liverpool 5-4. The loss is something only Cubs fans can empathize with.
Here are the highlights from the tragic game:


Best World Cup Match
Date/Match-Up: June 17, 1970: West Germany vs. Italy
Background: The 1970 World Cup, often considered the best ever, featured many entertaining matches but Germany against Italy had to have been the best. In the Semi's, with the winner facing Brazil, the two members of the Axis of Evil went at it like Mussolini and Hitler in a Steel Cage Match (alert: idea that's too good).
Results: It was a rather dull match until the final minutes with Italy up 1-0. Then, West Germany scored to tie it in the last minute and force extra time, where things finally get good. Ever met a boring girl who was OK looking and hook up with her but then hang out with her again and she's actually really interesting and even hotter than you thought? That's kind of how this game went. First, Germany scored a befitting socialist goal that somehow rolled in to take the lead within 5 minutes. Italy scored 4 minutes later, then 6 minutes after that to take a 3-2 lead. Then, 5 minutes after that, Germany scored to tie the game again at 3-3. One minute later, Italy scored the game winner, ending an exceptional stretch of 5 goals in 17 minutes. I don't even know what to compare that to, it's so unprecedented. Wait, I got it. Goals were getting put in faster than new Roman Emperors (alert: history joke!).
Here's a little look at all the goals scored in the overtime period:


Best UEFA Champions League Match (Tie)
Date/Match-Up: May 25, 2005: Liverpool vs. AC Milan
Background: (The Champions League is like the UEFA Cup, except for the top tier teams in Europe) Milan (Italy) went into the match as the favorites, having won 6 Champions League Finals to Liverpool's 4. The match took place in Istanbul, not Constantinople like originally planed, in front of 70,000 fans. Surprisingly, there was no violent or controversial encounters between the I- tie's and the British Empire.
Result: Milan got off to about an early a lead as you can, scoring in the first minute in the game. Then, late in the first half, Milan striker Herman Crespo put in two goals within 6 minutes of each other to give Milan a tre goal lead, 3-0, at half time. Liverpool, as they so often do, came back with a goal by, I-only-have-so-many-Phil-Collins-jokes, Steven Garrard. Two minutes later, Liverpool struck again to make it 3-2 and minutes later were awarded a penalty kick. Xabi Alonso was denied like a virgin at a frat party but followed up his miss to put it in and tie the game, overcoming a 3 goal deficit in just 7 minutes. The game remained tied until after extra time, forcing penalty kicks. Liverpool, who can resist Penalty Kicks about as much as Oprah can resist women (they can't), made their first 2 and Milan missed their first 2, giving Liverpool a 2-0 advantage by the art of logical deduction. Milan made their next 2 while Liverpool made one and missed one, making it 3-2 after 4 takes each. My soccer god, Andriy Shevchenko, came up for Milan and was denied just barely to give Liverpool another Champions League trophy. Liverpool fans celebrated and were estimated to have bought 10,000 bottles of champagne with over a million fans attending the parade the following day, although Phil Collins was not in attendance.
Here are some quick highlights from the exasperating final:


Best UEFA Champions League Match (Tie)
Date/Match-Up: May 26, 1999: Manchester United v. Bayern Munich
Background: The biggest team from Germany facing off against the biggest team from England for the European championship. Tyranny vs. Tyranny. No Humor vs. Sarcasm. Ugly vs. Ugly. Sausage vs. Fish N' Chips. Bad Comparisons vs. The Readers.
Result: Bayern Munich went ahead after 5 minutes to go up 1-0. For most of the game, it seemed as it would end 1-0 in favor of the Sausagers. With 4 minutes of injury time remaining in the game, the Fishers and Chipers tied it up off a bad clearance from a Bayern player, who probably is still crying about it. Less than 2 minutes later, off a corner kick, a header found the foot of Ole Gunnar Solskjær (read: really badass name alert!) and then hit the back of the net to the absolute despair of the Sauerkrauters and to the delight of the Bangers N' Mashers. Manchester United's stunning victory was the first win by an English team since they were banned because of the Heysel Stadium Disaster in 1985. Manchester Uniter manager Alex Ferguson was knighted because of the win and produced a now famous quote that will live on throughout the sports improbable moments: "Football! Bloody Hell!" Bloody Hell, indeed sir.

I'm going to keep my closing as to the point as possible, as I've got lots to do. I hope some soccer (or football, if you Euro's want to be pricks about it. It's not my fault it's called soccer here) fans were able to enjoy the column. If you didn't enjoy it, you'll just have to wait until next time for something you'll hopefully enjoy more. Anyways, I'll have a brief hiatus from the 5th-11th since I'll be in Mexico. I'll brainstorm while laying on the beach, sipping margaritas. Until next time, I'll leave you with my favorite pop song of 2008! P.S. GO SEE SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE, THE BEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR!
Adios, Muchachos!