A Rough Guide of (My) Life

There's a lot you don't know about me, and that's probably a good thing. I probably go "TMI" all over this blog and in person about pretty much every little detail about my life. And you know why I do that? (hint: it rhymes with "talcohol") Reading this blog might give you a better picture of who I am, but who are the people that shape my life? I call them my drinking buddies, friends, and in my fictional movie script, the mothers of my children. So today here at the blog, I'm going to tell you about some of fellow boozer cruisers, along with some drunken stories. Dolan's 6 Best Drinking Buddies. They aren't really in order, except for the last two.


6. Kase & Shah
Known Since: I believe I've known the Indian for two years and the Jewish kid for about five or six.
First Drank With: Both of them together, probably at my beer pong tournament last summer.
Favorite Drinking Memory: I don't know what it is, but there's something about these two that continually makes me laugh. Maybe it's that I know Sagar's going to puke every time I drink with him, or Kase is just so fun to rip on. But my favorite drinking memory with these two was last night, down in Champaign, IL, out at a bar where my friend works. There's this gay guy that works there that is in *love* with my friend. But everyone was just sitting at the table, talking, and Sagar just throws up randomly all over the floor. The gay man comes over and clean up Sagar's vomit while asking him "Do you guys want any shots?" I've never met someone who has thrown up in a bar and not been kicked out...until this.

5. The Dad
Known Since: Um...forever?
First Drank With: Father's Day Gold Tournament, 2005
Favorite Drinking Memory: My Dad drinks quite a bit, but doesn't usually get too drunk. Or he hides it well. Either way, on my 21st birthday, I had a party in my backyard and was insanely out of control, even for me. I guess you really can't call it a memory but I was told that I kept screaming "Come on Dad, DRINK LIKE A MAN!" This story makes me laugh, since my Dad always says stupid crap like that when I'm hungover. It's one of my favorite memories that I really don't remember at all.

4. Paul Russo
Known Since: Grade school
First Drank With: This is easy to remember, since it was the first time I was ever drunk. Senior of high school, sometime in the fall I think, at his house off of my least favorite beer ever, Icehouse.
Favorite Drinking Memory: When Russo gets drunk, he can get more belligerent than anyone I now. But my favorite drinking memory with this guy was my freshman year of college when we were moving in to our dorm room. We were there a day or two earlier than everyone else, so there wasn't much to do. We chilled in the dorm room and drank a bottle of rum I stole from my Dad (sorry Larry), then walked around campus, which for me was the first time. It just felt like a stepping stone. It doesn't seem like a great "drinking" story, but it's the one I most remember with this kid.


3. Kevin Dolan
Known Since: As long as I can remember
First Drank With: I'm not sure, but I think it was just after he broke up with his first Girlfriend.
Favorite Drinking Memory: I put my brother on this list for one reason: he's pretty much me but better looking and a little more outgoing. OK, that's two reasons. My favorite memory of drinking with him was a year or two ago when me and the previously mentioned Kase were doing a power hour. Kevin tries to keep up. With WHISKEY. I'm sure you can guess where this story is going. Kevin threw up, about 20 minutes in. Kase only got ten minutes further before he threw up, because he's a pussy. I'm almost positive Kevin kept drinking after. It's always funny when you aren't the one throwing up. And this was just a very misguided idea that, if followed through with, would almost certainly have resulted in sudden death.


2. Courtney & Anessa
Known SInce: August 2004, or as I like to call it "The Beginning of My Self-Destruction"
First Drank With: Not coincidentally, it was probably the same week that I met them.
Favorite Drinking Memory: I really love these two and there's no way I could divide them up. Besides my mom, these are two of my most favoritest girls on the planet. There has been tons of fun, mistakes, and all-around debauchery. And much of that is owed to alcohol. One thing I hate is that I very rarely throw up from drinking, no matter the quantity. I have a very strong stomach. But my favorite memory drinking with these two was one Sunday night this past year I made a pop-in to their apartment. It was no surprise that the drinking immediately ensued. We then decided it would be a good idea to go "out" to the bar. We ended up being like three of five people at the bar. It may not have been a wild night but it led to the great quote "God may rest on Sundays, but the Dukum and us don't!" (Dukum = bar) Every time I look at my keys, I am reminded of this night because of the bottle opener I got that night. So fun! I miss these two more than anyone.


1. "Tim"
Known Since: I believe it was December 2003 at our mutual place of employment, The Moorings.
First Drank With: When my mom went to Europe in the summer of 2004, I threw a kegger or two and am pretty sure it was the first time Tim ever got drunk.
Favorite Drinking Memory: Tim and I have a very strange friendship that is based off of the attraction to the same girl. It might be my favorite memory per se, but New Years Eve 2007, I had a party at my Dad's house. Me and Tim decided to split a bottle of whiskey and made it the mission of the night to try and finish it before midnight. The following took place:
-Tim spilling my last Guinness but punching it out of my hand
-Finishing the bottle of whiskey
-Me dislocating my knee while dancing, which I've done on New Years Eve two years in a row now
-Me walking on my knee anyway the rest of the night
-Tim throwing up for a few hours
-Tim telling my brother Bobby, who was watching him throw up as we were making fun of him "Fuck you Bobby, Fuck you and your purple Coke" as he was holding a grape pop.
What I remember most about the night, besides the aforementioned quote, is the way my Dad said "Who is this kid?" It was one of the funniest night of my life and I'll definitely remember it for-ev-er.

Yeah buddies and lovies, I hope you enjoyed the anecdotes of my fellow imbibers. I have to get going quickly, so I'll keep this short, but until next time, drink and be merry.