I See Beer Through the Screen

TV is a great outlet. For what, I don't know. I just know it's a great outlet. And since I love TV and I love booze, I'm going to write something about them. Clearly, my lists are a matter of great importance around here. When I've got a list, there's nothing stopping me from going full throttle. Just like these fictional bars. Because sitting around in a coffee shop? Kind of lame, if you ask me. Here they are, Recent TV's 6 Greatest Bars.


6. The Bronze
Featured In: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Memorable Moments: Before you get on my back about including nerd-friendly Buffy on the list, maybe you should read on. Appearing in almost half the 144 episodes, The Bronze was a teen dance club where local Cali bands played to the sight of super hottie (at least back then) Sarah Michelle Gellar, not to mention Eliza Dushku. Underage drinking occurred quite a bit at The Bronze. And if there's things I like, it's underage college students like SMG drinking. Although I never really watched Buffy, I've read enough about the bar to put it here on my so-called-list. Plus, I wanted to picture Sarah Michelle Gellar for a little bit. Especially since the rest of the bars don't have too many good looking ladies present. The Bronze brings the hotness every night, all night. And that's funny, because that's also how I do it.
Unfortunately, there's nothing regarding The Bronze on YouTube. Instead, you'll have to make do with SMG and Jack Black spoofing Lord of the Rings.



5. The Bait Shop
Featured In: The O.C.
Memorable Moments: Perhaps not a bar, per se, but more of a music venue, it's just too good to ignore. Lots of indie-alt rock bands (Rooney, Death Cab, Phantom Planet) play there throughout the series and it always seems to be an awesome time. There are hot bi-sexuals working there and people do get drunk there. I've seen it. Besides, what could be better than a bar/music hall that's located on a pier right off the ocean in California. It just doesn't get much better than that. Unless you add all the uber-hot females that are walking through those turnstiles. It's a hang out. Cheers, it ain't. But you know what? Fuck Cheers when the girls are this hot.
The awesome Seth Cohen fulfilling one of my dreams of making out with a hot bi-sexual that doesn't mind going both ways. All. The. Time.

4. Bada Bing
Featured In: James Gandolfini's Lessons in Breathing Loudly, otherwise known as The Sopranos.
Memorable Moments: So I lied, there are more pretty girls. This time, they are even on HBO where tops are not required. Most of the family's business goes down in this very pretty titty bar. It's a place where you can stare at naked girls and get drunk. If there was no cover, they'd call it heaven. It's a great cover for the mob. Because a seedy go-go bar totally keeps you on the down low. I joke, though. The Bada Bing wonderfully fits the shows tone and characters. Dark, a little sad, but overall something to make you happy. The Bing was too noticeable to leave off the list. How could I? Fuggitaboutit!
When I find a talking fish, I usually smack some guy in the head with it too.


3. MacLaren's
Featured In: How I Met Your Mother
Memorable Moments: MacLaren's is featued in almost every episode of the show, which kind of makes the characters alcoholics. It's just a spot for them to go down, have a few, and talk the talk of life. Any bar that has NPH as a regular is awesome in my book. If I had written one. MacLaren's is where the infamous Slap Bet is made. It's also where NPH hits on every single piece of (insert half-derogatory term about women) in the bar. The group has their own table, and no one would dare take it, for fear of reprisal. Such memories take place here. Mostly the conquests of Barney (aka NPH) and Ted (aka some guy). It has everything from barely legal to cougars, which is all a guy could ask for in a bar really. Or anywhere. It's, in a word, legendary.
NPH doing a fireball in a bar? Not the first spark he's initiated.


2. Moe's Tavern
Featured In: The Simpsons. Duh.
Memorable Moments: When one thinks of a dive bar, one thinks of Moe's. The main (and almost only) customers, Homer, Barney, Carl, and Lenny, have it as their bar of choice. Who knows why. Although Moe's went through some renovations over the years, it's still stay the same old seedy, dank, dive we all know and love. Who would want it any other way? Besides most people, that is. There's nothing pretty about it and sometimes, maybe it's not such a bad thing to see that amount of ugliness. After all, they're just getting drunk there. Maybe it's just more fun when your loaded. So head on over and catch a Flaming Moe and a Duff or two. Just know that if you rub anyone the wrong way (say, insult the dankness) Moe has a shotgun under the bar. Be warned.
Or don't.
Sacagawea Dollars at Moe's Tavern


1. Paddy's Pub
Featured In: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (not true. it snows in the winter.)
Memorable Moments: With most of the hilarious show filmed in their Pub, it has to be one of the most iconic TV bars of all time. Mac, Charlie, Dennis, and Sweet Dee get into so much different shit at this place it'd be impossible to justify it with a list of their best moments. But the egotistical, stupid, vain, and feelings of superiority that run through all the characters seemed to be running through Paddy's tap. Worst bar in Philadelphia? Just because a bar critic says it to be so, doesn't make it nearly true. If the critics got a real look at the inner workings of Paddy's rather just fall victim to it, there's no doubt they'd fall in love with it just like everybody else. Besides, who needs customers when you've got all that booze?
Gay jokes. They still work.


Well, that's a rap on TV greatest bars of late. I'm sure they will some disagreement flowing through the modem lines but your opinion is for naught unless you write it down and someone reads it. And that is why I'm more right than you are. Like it or not. The precursor to the weekend has ended and Friday is beginning. What else is there to know? Have a great weekend and I'll likely see you ladies, gents, and Question Marks at the start of next week. Hugs and Kisses, unless you're one of the question marks that is.