7. Cutey Honey
Country of Origin: Where else? In a numerous amount of different media in Japan, the kings of animation (but not hotness).
Powers: Cutey Honey, by screaming "Honey Flash!", can turn into any persona of herself she wants. In other words, if she wants to be a nurse she just shouts "Honey Flash!" and she's herself if she was a nurse. She also has superhuman strength and her sword projects a beam of energy. Also, when she's changing persona's, her clothes come off, which projects most men's (uhh...in the comic book, that is) "beams" of energy. See what I did there? I'm thinking she only dates guys who are really kinky and have lots of fantasies. I mean, think about it: you'd be having sex with the same person, yet she's a different person, every time. Also, we need to move on because I'm thinking about this way too much for me to be comfortable with myself.
6. Lilith
Country of Origin: Wait until you get this: she's from Israel. She's a Jewish superhero. Now THAT you can't make up.
Powers: Little is known about Lilith since reading Hebrew gives people headaches and Mad Cow disease. All that's known is that she helps The Golem fight crime with her super strength given to her in experiments when she was young. Her official title is "Lilith, Protector of the Jewish People." Which means shes a banker. (I love Jewish humor, BTW) She also has big cans and wears very little to cover them up (I love Jewish boobs too, BTW). Her enemies include: Nazis, Palestinians, and T-shirts. My kind of girl (except for the Jewish part).
5. Infama
Country of Origin: Not surprisingly, the Canadians have to draw their hot people. Except for Nelly Furtado, she' alright. (I actually had to look up "hot Canadians" to find one. Ahh, the hot Canadian, an elusive breed)
Powers: Infama is basically a sorcerer. She has a gem in her throat that allows her to think up anything her little heart desires and make it real, as long as she can concentrate on it. Again, something that could be useful in the bedroom (or wherever else you can imagine with her!). The gem also builds up her physical abilities, such as stamina, flexibility, power, heat generation, soft wet lips, and....I'm going to stop before you stop reading, I'm clearly talking about things she could use during sex. Back to her powers. In the comic, she's naked alot. So is her arch-enemy (Infama is the villain) Sinnamon, who is also way hot (for a comic book character, I have to keep saying it so I might believe it). But we'll see her later. I mean, you just got love the boots that span half her leg and the leather that (presumably) covers her up. Other than that, she can work her magic on me anytime.
4. Sinnamon
Country of Origin: Canada, which is surprisingly pretty slutty. Need me a trip to Toronto.
Powers: Besides being a professional superhero, Sinnamon is practically wearing no clothes. I've seen porn where people had more clothes on. Besides that, she can fly, has super-strength, and uses "force blasts" as her main weapon, which I'm sure has to do with sex in some way. She often fights against our previous super-villian/fake hottie, Infama. One of her other "special" powers is invulnerability. Now, I'm not quite sure what that means, but I'm thinking it means she nothing can get into her body at all. Which is a shame, because she looks very horny. Little else is known about Sinnamon, except what she looks like naked. (see: very nice)
3. Velta
Country of Origin: I will present you with this argument: Brazil has the hottest women per capita, real or otherwise.
Powers: Ms. Velta here can transform into a 7 foot Amazonian woman, which doesn't SOUND that hot, but you aren't me and everybody's different damnit. Besides that, her skin is resistant to heat, she can heal instantly (kind of like that other blonde chick from "Heroes"), and is completely immune to disease. That's not the best thing about this sex P.I., oh no. Velta can fire blasts of light, electricity, or other forces out of any part of her body. Oh yes, you know what I'm thinking. Or DO you? (yeah, you do) Be careful though, boys. She's not in the game for justice, she's in it for pure excitement and money. So, I'm not saying she's a gold digger....but she ain't hanging with no broke espanolas (cue Jaime Foxx's high pitched lyrics). Superhero Velta does have a boyfriend named Gilberto in the comics but....well, it only takes a few Cuba Libres and a shot of tequila to get her out of that. (Brazilians are slutty)
2. Pyre-Anna
Country of Origin: Again, Canada? Really? They have to have some sort of inferiority complex. I just can't think of another reason why they have so many slutty, hot comic book characters. I mean, could they even fight crime like that in Canada? It's fucking freezing up there.
Powers: Wow! Pyre-Anna is smokin'! Besides being a pun waiting to happen, Pyre-Anna can generate heat and fire from her hands, which would be useful in battle, but not if your getting a handjob from her. She also is immune to heat and has razor sharp teeth, making a blowjob from her even more terrifying than a handjob. How did she get these magical powers, you ask (or even if you don't)? By brushing her teeth with tainted toothpaste! Always check the labels, kids! Pyre-Anna is Sinnamon's and an ice sculpter's worst enemy. Throughout all this, even her yellow, jaundiced-like eyes are somehow appealing. The only concern one would have about getting "involved" with her would be being able to tell if you were feeling like you were on fire while engaging in naughty activities or if you were actually, you know, on fire. 'Cause that would burn even more than gonorrhea.
1. Mirza
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Country of Origin: What's in the water down there in Brazil? Not fish, because over-fishing is one of the biggest problems they have down there! [citation needed]
Powers: Mirza here is a vampire (or is it vampiress?) of ultra-hot proportions. She is also a top-model and a member of high-society. In the comic book. She's an immigrant from what sounds like a Russian or like country, born in the 7th century. Imagine the experience! In vampiring, I mean. She's had to pick up all SORTS of tricks throughout her years. Maybe it's just me (it definitely is), but the thought of her moving in on your neck, not knowing if she's going to kiss you or suck your blood....that's hot. All she does in Brazil is seducing men, women, and whoever (whomever? when do you use whomever? is that actually even a word?) crosses her ultra-hot path. I'm actually not quite sure what the comic book is about. This sounds like a porn that tries to have a clever plot. Whatever, its fine with me. It's probably just my opinion on this, but there is NOTHING hotter than a hot vampire. And if you get bitten and transformed into a vampire? Well, my friends, that's just more time you get to have blood-thirsty sex with Mirza. An ETERNITY! Why don't I live in Brazil again, Subconcious of Self? "Because she's fake and if you moved to Brazil you'd be mugged, killed, and raped, in that order, within a month."
Oh, yeah.
Well, I bet you guys weren't expecting that for a topic! Don't ask me how I came up with this idea or what is wrong with my brain for continually mentioning having sex with comic book characters throughout this blog. Truth is, I don't know. But I've got as good a chance of having sex with one of these characters as I do with Nastia Liukin. Which is .001%, if that. (Cue Jim Carrey: "So your saying there's a chance!") Anyways, I've had enough comics and blogging for today. So let's go out on a Brazilian saying "aqui está comediante canadense Jon Lajoie!"
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