Flirt With Perfection and She'll Give You a Fake Number

With the recent disappointment the baseball gods have decided to place at the front door of Wrigley Field, I'm compelled to write about tragedy. Like pure tragedy. Sometimes the closer we come to perfection, the more it hurts when we don't reach it. So, today we'll talk about near-perfection that ended in tragedy. Here are the 6 Near Perfect Games that Ended in Tragedy. Keep in mind: the baseball gods are cruel for reasons unknown. Don't piss them off.

6. Dick Bosman
Game: On July 19, 1974, Bosman's Cleveland Indians faced the Oakland A's.
Tragedy: Bosman holds the dubious honor of being the only pitcher to pitch a no-hitter and have the only base runner reach on an error by themselves. In the 4th inning, Bosman fielded a soft grounder and made a bad throw to first, giving Oakland their only base runner of the day. Even though the hotheaded Bosman pitched a no-hitter, he could have achieved baseball immortality if not for the miscue.
Compare It! It's like getting a big job promotion then going out after work for a few drinks, falling, and breaking your collar bone. You still got the job but you also gotta walk around with that cast on, fuckface. Sorry. This blog might get vulgar, I'm still a little bitter about the Cubs.

5. Terry Mulholland
Game: On August 5, 1990, Mulholand's Phillies faced the Giants at that craphole Veterans Stadium.
Tragedy: Mulholland pitched one hell of a game at the Vet that day. Mulholland got his no-hitter, facing the minimum 27 batters, becoming the man with the best mustache in the history of no-hitters. However, he was oh-so-close to a perfect game. Mulholland's third baseman, Charlie Hayes, made a throwing error, with the next batter grounding into a double play. Mulholland's shot at immortality was taken away in that moment, but Hayes atoned later on in the game when he made a diving catch on the final out to at least preserve the no-hitter. Still, how bad does that fucker feel? Probably as bad as the guy who let O.J. go on trial for those murders. Or that girl after wrongly accusing Kobe. Terrible people.
Compare It! Kinda like you're close to going all the way with a girl you really like and having your best friend sleep with her first, then subsequently marrying her anyway. You may have got the better of the deal there but.....he still fucked you.


4. Mike Mussina
Game: On September 2, 2001, Mussina pitched for the Yankees against the Boston Red Sox at Fenway Park.
Tragedy: Mussina might be the unluckiest pitcher out there. Only 17 times in MLB history has a pitcher pitched a perfect game, retiring all 27 batters in a row. Two times before Mussina came close. In 1997, Mussina got through 25 before giving up a single. A year later, he got through 23 batters before giving up a hit. On this Sunday Night, Primetime ESPN game, Mussina got through the first 8 innings no problem, no base runners at all. Mussina then retired the first 2 batters of the inning, before Carl Everett pinch-hit as the 27th batter. On a 1-2 pitch, Everett hit a bloop single to left-center field that Mussina probably sees in his nightmares. Makes you wonder if Mussina pisses in his teammates shoes and kills babies on the side, as the baseball gods have been less than kind to him.
Compare It! Mussina's near-perfecto was like finally bagging the girl you've always dreamed of sleeping with, then having her very large, very angry boyfriend walk in just as you're about to get her underwear off. OUCH!

3. Ernie Shore
Game: On June 23, 1917, Shore's Boston Red Sox faced off against the Washington Senators in the first game of a doubleheader at Fenway.
Tragedy: Well, the first game of the doubleheader at Fenway started off interesting enough. Babe Ruth took the mound and walked the first better. Babe Ruth got ejected for arguing with the umpire, the hitting him in the face (no lie), and got his catcher ejected. Ernie Shore then came in to relieve him (that's NOT a bathroom joke) and retired all 26 batters he faced (the other out was the batter Ruth walked getting caught stealing) giving baseball a dilemma: did Shore pitch a perfect game? Nope, since a runner reached base against Ruth, it's not a perfect game, just a COMBINED NO-HITTER. Wow, how bitch is that? It sucks for Shore but it has to be the correct call here since, if that batter wasn't walked, who knows what would have happened. I wonder what would have happened to Ruth today had he hit an umpire? How long is THAT suspension?
Compare It! Spending all day in the kitchen making an excellent dinner for you and your family, having your spouse come in and claim to your kids that they helped, even though they didn't do jack shit. You know what? The next time they want to give themselves credit for making dinner, they CAN COOK IT THEMSELVES GOD DAMNIT!

2. Pedro Martinez
Game: On June 3rd, 1995, Pedro's Montreal Expos took on the San Diego Padres in San Diego
Tragedy: Pedro pitched about as well as you can pitch without getting that perfect game. You see, rarely does a team not score throughout 9 innings. In fact, it only happened to the Cubs once this entire season. Well, Pedro didn't give up anything for 9 innings. Not a single, solitary base runner. To repay his excellence, his team also did not score for 9 innings. So Pedro Martinez went to the 10th inning with a perfect game, the Expos scored a run in the top of the inning and Pedro gave up a lead off double. To further clarify an even more ridiculous story, Pedro had a perfect game going much earlier in his career against the Reds. In the 8th inning, Martinez hit Reggie Sanders with a pitch. Sanders CHARGED THE MOUND, since he though Pedro was throwing at him in the 8th inning of a close game with a perfect game going. Reggie Sanders, you get the idiot of the century award! Congratulations! Pedro gave up a hit in the 9th to end the no-no, but not without getting hit in the face in the previous inning.
Compare It! It's like going to your favorite bands concert after spending a great deal of money on the tickets, leaving after the encore, and having them play your favorite song during the second encore. You sir, just got fucked. Not in a Dirk Diggler sort of way either.

1. Harvey Haddix
Game: On May 26, 1959, Haddix's (Haddix' or Haddixs'??) Pittsburgh Pirates took on the Milwaukee Braves in Milwaukee.
Tragedy: Anytime someone you loves dies, remember Harvey Haddix. His tragedy may not be involved with death, but he perhaps pitched the greatest game in MLB history and didn't even get a win. In fact, he got a loss. On a fateful day in the horrible city of Milwaukee, Haddix threw 9 perfect innings but his team failed to score. Then 10. Then 11. Then 12. Haddix went into the 13TH INNING with a perfect game. That's 36 batters in a row without a base runner, which felt like the Cubs playoff run to an extent. Then in the 13th inning his team didn't score. Haddix went out there, probably after 196 pitches or something, and got a ground ball that was misplayed for an error, followed by a sac bunt for the 1st out. Then an intentional walk. Then a home run, from HANK AARON no less. (The homer was later ruled a double since he passed his teammate on the bases, making the final score 1-0 instead of 3-0) Perfect game, no hitter, shutout, win....all lost in three batters. Haddix is credited with a 12 and 2/3 inning one hit loss against the team that had won the NL Pennant the year before. To further fuck with Haddix, a Milwaukee player came out in 1993, admitting to stealing signs from the Pirates catcher that day from the bullpen. Haddix was a 2 pitch pitcher and the Braves STILL DIDN'T GET A HIT, even though they KNEW WHAT WAS COMING! To perfectly surmise Haddix's fate, a fraternity sent him a letter saying "Dear Harvey, Tough shit." Haddix was mad until "I realized they were right. That's exactly what it was."
Compare It! Compare it? How? Maybe dying of 6 different cancers at once, getting sent to hell, then raped by Hitler for eternity while he screams "GO CARDINALS!!!!" over and over and over and BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whew, sorry.
Well, tragedy must happen for a reason. I think. Well, I hope. Hopefully tragedies occur so that we can learn from them. One thing we learned: Kosuke Fukudome is not a major leaguer anymore. Also, maybe there's no such thing as perfection. It's hard to just be good, nevertheless perfect. So instead of ranting on about the trivialities of life, I'm going to salute those who try to live their lives as close to perfection, not for themselves, but for the people around them. Maybe that's what makes a perfect game so special. It takes a bunch of people around you to be perfect, you can't do it by yourself. Maybe we could all learn from this simple baseball allegory: you can't be perfect alone but with the right people around you, you can be. Slán leat, mo chairde!