Watch----At Your Own Risk

Music videos have been a staple of our culture since MTV began. However, there are some music videos that must have been written by 3rd Graders, Crackheads, or people who are just plain insane. I'll show you the 5 Strangest Music Videos ever made. But beware, watching these might make you take acid when your 31 at your 6 year old's birthday party and tackle the pinata while screaming "HONEY! THE CANDY IS FROM CANDDDDDDDYLAND!!!!!" It's a slippery slope from there, trust me.

#5: Leonard Nimoy's "Ballad of Bilbo Baggins"
The Deal: If you don't know already, Leonard Nimoy is Spock from the original Stark Trek show and movies. Also if you didn't know, Bilbo Baggins IS the main character from Lord of The Rings. An odd combination? You have no idea.
What/Who Wrote It? Clearly, this video was produced by a 12 year old who had just finished the book and a healthy dose of mushrooms. How this song was ever written, yet made into this unintentionally hilariously disturbing video is beyond the realm of human understanding. But watch and, uhhhhh, enjoy?



4. Mika "Love Today"
The Deal: "The Beirut-ey Patootey", as I assume he's called, is a Lebanese British pop singer who looks like a cross between Sanjaya and Paula Abdul, while managing to bring his voice down lower than Freddie Mercury (Queen's lead singer) performing "My Heart Will Go On".
Who/What Wrote It? While the jury is still out on this one, I'm sure all the colors, flashyness, homosexual overtones can be attributed to a healthy dose of (hmmmm how do i say this without sounding vulgar?) penis in the ass.



3. The Chemical Brothers, "Do It Again"
The Deal: I'm not sure, but I think the Chemical Brothers are a little off. After searching through a few of their videos, I decided that they all could have made the top countdown. But, for diversity's sake, I decided to choose this one. I just hope your brain doesn't explode.
What/Who Wrote It? Meth. Pure Meth. Well, judging that it takes place in one the most opium infested places on Earth, they may have mixed in a tad bit of that too. I won't blame you if you start gyrating uncontrollably after watching this or gives you a seizure. The paramedics never saw me that bad before.



2. Secret Mommy, "Kool Aid River"
The Deal: Well, it's no surprise this guy is Canadian. However, his electro-punk music has taken Canada by storm and no I'm not being serious. His solo song here is not so much a song, as much as its the most annoying garbage that you will ever hear. Think techno-Fergie but as a man. You'll know what I'm talking about.
What/Who Wrote This? Although Secret Mommy, whose band name is enough for mothers to hide their children from him, claims he wrote and produced the song and video, I don't believe him. This is like a 4 minute video for one of those subliminal Sprite videos, except it makes even less sense and I'm not quite sure what he's advertising. Definitely some amphetamines involved in this one. I'm trying to decide between Ecstasy or Speed.



1. David Hasselhoff, "Hooked On a Feeling"
The Deal: The "Kraut with too much Stout" or "That Guy From Baywatch" is somehow beloved in Germany. Taking advantage of his seemingly baffling popularity, Hasselhoff began drinking himself into a stupor everyday and started doing everything from music videos, amateur YouTube videos, and drunken papparazzi videos. Not surprisingly, they are all the same thing.
Who/What Wrote This? Well, I'm sure alcohol had a part. But this goes much deeper. Not even LSD can write this video. I think Hasselhoff and his buddies got in a circle and passed around a bottle of absinthe, some Acid tablets, and a pipe full of peyote. This video is racist, horribly produced, and, above all else, the most disturbing piece of video ever shot on camera. Ever.




I'm sorry for that. But now you know--drugs are bad for you. And if you think you have a hard life, think of the people that have to produce these videos. Especially the last one. Yikes. So, until next time, I leave you with a Alex Trabek montage of him drinking and yelling an immmense amount of profanity while shooting a Jeopardy! commercial. Enjoy.