"One More, Please"

Right now, American soldiers are dying in Iraq. Children are starving in Africa while their parents battle HIV. French people are still alive. American Idol is coming back next January. So often, the biggest tragedies in life are the ones that end it. They are the 7-year old's caught in crossfires. The perfect kid who died young because of crazy circumstances. Four teenagers getting hit by a drunk driver and the driver being the only survivor. Life's not all peaches and cream, as you've probably figured out by now. One day, you're going to mutter your last word on this Earth. Today, in honor of the season, I'll examine the people who used those last words to their utmost ability. Whether it be ironic, touching, funny, or just defiant, there are The 7 Best Last Words. Oh, the title of the blog tells you my last words.

7. "I'm ashamed of you dodging that way, they couldn't hit an elephant at this distance."
Who Said It? Civil War General Jon Sedgwick
Why's it so good? Perhaps the most ironic thing anyone has ever said, as Gen. Sedgwick was struck with a bullet to the head moments later. Some say he didn't even finish the sentence. This quote shows you why you should never get too cocky. Chances are, the bullet wasn't even aimed at him, it just managed to find it's way through the air and hit him square in the head right after he finished this bizarrely ironic quote. Future President Ulysses S. Grant, at the scene, was so astonished that he said "Um, Is he really dead?". Crazy.

6. "Friends applaud, the comedy is finished"
Who said it? Composer Ludwig Van Beethoven
Why's it so good? Well, this quote would have been shite if said by anyone else. Not to mention the fact that he couldn't even hear their applause. If all our lives were as interesting as Beethoven's, the perscription drug industry would rule the world. However, Beethoven's life was filled with numerous hardships that would make anyone crazy. Yet the man produced some of the most beautiful works of music ever produced. So applaud people, even if you weren't friends.

5. "Get out! Last words are for those who haven't said enough."
Who Said It? Communist Manifesto author Karl Marx
Why's it so good? Although I hate Marx, his last words ring true. As his maid wanted to write down some prophetic thought that would be remembered for years, Marx dismissed her. His last line is so true. Those who think they need last words to be immortalized haven't done enough in life to warrant rememberence. Ironically and unfortunately for Marx, his last words are remembered anyway. Tough break, Karl. Maybe you shouldn't have invented communism you fat Russian bastard.

4. "I should never have switched from Scotch to Martini's."
Who Said It? Legendary Actor and Casablanca star, Humphrey Bogart
Why's it so good? Putting my love of alcohol aside, Bogart's line leaves nothing to the imagination. Besides, why would any sane man switch from scotch to martini's? Vodka is for women. Unless he was having Gin Martini's, which are just plain disgusting---like pure gasoline, Bogart never should have packed it in. I just put this quote on here so you don't make the same mistake Boggie did. Martini's will be the end of you. Trust me, they drove my grandma over the edge.

3. "Waiting are they? Waiting are they? Well, let 'em wait"
Who Said It? American Revolutionary War General Ethan Allen, also founded the store. Maybe.
Why's it so good? His doctor was telling him that angels are waiting for him as he said this. The ultimate defiance. Let angels wait? On YOU? Wow. This is definitely I would say, but not while I'm dying, more like when someone's waiting for me. Anyways, Allen's refusal to let the angels take him a moment before he's ready is funny for one reason: these are his last words. So the angels basically said "GET YOUR ASS IN THE CAR MISTER, BEFORE I SMACK THAT BOTTOM TIL IT'S RED!" You do not want to piss off angels because then you're going to hell. Trust me, I already made a few angry.

2. "30 good ones are better than 60 shitty ones."
Who Said it? Alledgedly John Lennon, but if not him, I'll say it when I die at 30
Why's it so good? Because it's so true. Not everyone gets to live like a fucking rock star for any part of their lives. If your lucky enough to find happiness for an extended period of time, then you sir have lived longer and better than anyone. People say that they are happy, but most of the time they aren't. Being on tour around the world as a musical demi-god, hanging out with your friends drinking, doing drugs, and chilling, and being madly in love. That is happiness. Some say not. Those some are lying. So if you get to live 25 good years and you look over at some 63 year old alcoholic who had a terrible life, just remember that you had it good. Not everyone does.

1. "This is no time to make new enemies."
Who Said It? French Enlightenment writer Voltaire
Why's it #1? Well, at first it looks OK. But as a priest asks him to renounce Satan on his deathbed, this is what Voltaire said. Nevermind that he's French, imagine the look on the priest's face as he said this. But it's true. Chances are, your already on God's bad side. The last thing you want to do is piss off Satan anymore than he already is. Have you seen hell? It is humid, fiery, and people torture you for eternity. So wouldn't you rather have your torturer be named Frank than Brutus Maximus? Voltaire, although French, is the most clever deathbed sayer guy. It's too bad the French haven't won anything since.

Aside from my insults directed at the French, I think this was a rather civilized blog today. I must be doing something wrong then. I'll be back before you know it (think about that phrase, "before you know it". How does that make sense in any way? Before you know what? Before you know i'll be back? Well, obviously! Ugh, I'm confused) Anyways, enjoy your respective Halloween's and stay exactly the same as you are until I return.
Do svidaniya!