Last Song on the Playlist, First in Your Heart

Everybody has their guilty pleasures. Some enjoy bad movies. Some enjoy stupid reality TV. Fat people like chocolate, bad TV, and bad movies. However, music seems to take a special place in our hearts, as our lives really can be defined by a playlist. Ever hear a song and think "god, did they write that about me?" Well, it happens to me all the time. There are some songs though that weren't written about you. Or anyone. Or anything, really. These are the 7 Best Worst Songs. The songs that are horribly catchy, awesomely annoying, and everytime you hear it you want to just sing it really loud but are wayyyyyy too embarrassed. Be embarrassed no more. Sing. But read this first.

7. 4 Non Blondes, "What's Up?"
Why's it bad? Well, when your chorus is "hey hey hey hey hey a what's going on?" you may want to think about hiring a newsongwriter or stop using heroin. They lyrics are really nonsensical as "Getting really high and screaming at the top of my lungs a what's going on?" is not something a sane person would do.
Why it's secretly good? Like all the songs on this list, "What's Up?" has only lived on due to drunk karaoke singing. It's easy to sing, it's catchy, and people go "Hey! I know this song!" when they hear it. Although it may live on in infamy, it will live on. Which is more than you can say for most songs.
Video: "What's Up?"

6. Europe, "The Final Countdown"
Why's it bad? If you haven't looked at the lyrics, I did for you. Nobody would guess it, but this song's actually about space travel. That's right, those lyrics in between the amazing chorus are "Heading to Venus but we'll stand tall". Also, this song is like 4 and a half minutes and the lyrics page is like 12 lines long. So, they weren't very creative.
Why it's secretly good? Ummm, have you heard the synthesizer in the background? Rarely can a song with so little to say actually say so much. It is one of the biggest "pump up songs" of all time and is Gob's theme song. (Bonus points if you understand that.)
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5. Tommy Tutone, "867-5309"
Why's it bad? Besides the fact that it must have spurred a number of prank calls to the very number, it's a song in which the chorus is a PHONE NUMBER! "Jenny, don't change your number, 8675309" That is not a lyric. That is something you say when....actually, no, nobody would ever say that to be honest. It's simply idiotic. "I got your number on the wall"? A tad creepy, no?
Why it's secretly good? Who really cares about the lyrics in the end? The song's catchy, the band's name is strangely inventive, and at least the numbers rhyme. It's better than "555-8836". You can't blame the band for creating such a catchy pop song, no matter how weird, stupid, and useless the lyrics are. They are basically saying "Shut up and enjoy or just shut up".
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4. Dexy's Midnight Runners, "Come on Eileen"
Why's it bad? Under the catchy chorus, people often fail to realize how dirty and disgusting this song really is. This song is actually about coming on Eileen. And I mean coming with a "u" instead of an "o". "Come on, Eileen, I swear well he means, Ah come on let's take off everything". Now I've got nothing against songs about sex, but when you don't insert good grammar and one of the lyrics is "Go Toora Loora Toora Loo-Rye-Aye" WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
Why it's secretly good? Like the list, it's catchy. You can sing it, dance to it, or tell people what it's really about and see them look shocked. As dirty as the song may be, at least they had to courage to actually write and sing it.
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3. LFO, "Summer Girls" tied w/ LFO, "Every Other Time
Why they're bad? If you have heard any LFO lyric ever written, then you know why these songs are on the list. Although Summer Girls got more airplay, Every Other Time is just as nonsensical. "Fell deep in love,but now we ain't speaking, Michael J Fox was Alex P Keaton". Perhaps the group with the most dumb songs in the history of music, LFO seemed to defined this list. "Come On Eileen"? This is way worse.
Why they're secretly good? Because it's LFO and they're lyrics make you feel smart. They are so dumb, so nonsensical, that it doesn't even matter. It's like a car accident you can't look away from, only for your ears. Somehow, they make it work. Sort of.
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2. The Proclaimers, "I Would Walk 500 Miles"
Why's it bad? The lyrics are very repetitive, lack imigination, and nobody would really walk 500 miles. Plus, if you listen to this song too much you will blow out your brains. "I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more". I think not, that's like New York City to St. Louis. When the redeeming factor of your song is found in the lyrics "DA-DA-DA-DA", you may have problems.
Why it's secretly good? Because who doesn't like screaming out the redeeming lyrics? Sure, it may not be the smartest set of words put together, but sometimes less is more. Besides, the title is more of a metaphor for love, I think. I hope. Advice: don't sing this song by yourself at Karaoke Night. You will look like an asshole.


1. Jefferson Starship, "We Built This City"
Why's it bad? Because it is. It's the kind of shitty pop music that is simply made to sell records, not entertain. "Marconi plays the mamba"? Yea, so does my mom. Who the hell is Marconi? Why is there a traffic report in the middle of the song? "It's just another Sunday, in a tired old street, police have got the chokehold, and we just lost the beat." I could spend hours telling you how stupid that very line of music is. But then I would go insane.
Why it's secretly good? As much as the world hates to admit it, there is no song ever made that is a song people love to hate. It's like a good actor playing a villian. Except in this case, the villian is a band that has changed their name seemingly so you'd forget who they were and like them again, and the victim being '80s rock music. But who wouldn't like to build a city on rock n roll? That would be a pretty badass city.
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I hope you enjoyed (or didn't) these 7 horribly awesome songs. I will be back soon enough to quench your thirst for the facts. Remember, others lists are a matter of opinion. Mine? Fact. Now that I have YouTube as another tool in my "Arsenal of Awesomeness", there is nothing that can stop me from becoming the most important blogger on the internet. Except Adriana Huffington. She's pretty popular.

Adios, hermana!