Please, Stop It Already: Nicholas Cage Edition

Hey, yo, yo. What's up people? Today, I'm going to try to introduce what may or may not be a recurring element of my blog. It'll be my plea for someone to stop doing something that has become so fascinatingly annoying, yet they don't realize it. And seriously, to start with anyone in the world but Nicholas Cage wouldn't be fair to all the other people in the world. Think of this segment as me being Pontius Pilate, the subject being Jesus, and you readers being the Jews. But in a less offensive to Christians sort of way. I think Christians would agree about Nick Cage though. (Feedback on this blog would be appreciated, because I'd like to gauge how this segment reads.) Anyways, let's start the crucifixion.

Nicholas Cage

"Remember, Cher won an Oscar, so don't take mine too seriously"

Career Highlights: Adaptation., Leaving Las Vegas, Raising Arizona, Matchstick Men
Awards: Best Actor for Leaving Las Vegas, Nominated for Best Actor for Adaptation, Nominated for Worst Actor (Razzies) for The Wicker Man, Next, National Treasure 2, and Ghost Rider.

What Needs to Stop: Nicholas Cage has put in a few decent performances throughout his career. I mean, the man trained for his Oscar winning role impressively, by going to Dublin and getting drunk for an entire week. Or in Adaptation working with the best screenwriter in the business. Or in Raising Arizona working with the best directors in the business. More seriously though, Nicholas Cage is essentially making the same movie, over and over. Brief synopsis of all Nicholas Cage movies of the 00's: "Cage needs to save something, and do it quickly, or people will die. Quickly." The man has had an incredibly horrible stretch of movies. In the last ten years, let's judge the quality in sections to figure out what's going on here.

The Derrick Rose Category of Good
Examples: Adaptation, Leaving Las Vegas, and Raising Arizona. I was being generous with Matchstick Men, but include it if you want.
Common Links: There is no doubt that Leaving Las Vegas was, and will forever remain, Cage's magnum opus. Playing two characters in Adaptation, which I admittedly haven't seen in a while, he also does well. But in Raising Arizona, he's just playing a hick, which means growing a mustache and dumbing yourself down. The directors of Raising Arizona, the Coen Brothers, could probably get a good performance out of Vin Diesel. Is there anything that links these movies? Yes. They are all movies in which Cage's characters are surrounded by other actors/actresses that bring it and bring it really well. Cage needs help, or something, from his peers to bring a good performance. Hell, even in Matchstick Men he had the underrated Sam Rockwell.

The Sex with that Drunk Girl You Met at 3 AM Category of Mediocrity
Examples: 8MM, World Trade Center, National Treasure, The Rock, Con Air, Face/Off
Common Links: It's hard to blame Cage for any of these films, since most actors, besides a select few, get to be in a good movie every time out. However, some common themes are common throughout many, many Cage movies. Save someone, save them quickly, or they'll die or horrible things will happen. And seriously, World Trade Center was a bad idea, especially that aspect of 9/11. United 93 did it right. People just don't want to see a story like that when they see a 9/11 movie. And Cage as a firefighter? Yeah, maybe in Bumblefuck. Nothing about these movies is really inherently bad but The Rock has Sean Connery, Con Air has John Malkovich and John Cusack, Face/off has...well, never mind. Even National Treasure was made by his sidekick with the black hair and the chick who played Helen of Troy.

The Putting the Letters "Ja" or "De" in Front of a Common Name and Naming Your Kid That Category of Bad
Examples: Windtalkers, The Family Man, The Weather Man, Snake Eyes, Gone in 60 Seconds, National Treasure 2, City of Angels, Bangkok Dangerous, Next, and (assumption) Knowing
Common Link: The assumption that, in these movies, Nicholas Cage is on a mission to accomplish something and no matter who else is killed, what's destroyed, or where it's happening, it's the most important thing going on in the world at that moment. I remember watching "The Family Man" in high school, and I don't have enough hate for any of my teacher to try and think of which one made us watch it. I can surmise each of these movies in 5 words or less: Save Indian or Lose War, Don't Leave the Girl, You Can't Predict the Weather, Murder! Vegas! Conspiracy! Boxing!, Steal Cars Fast or Die, Save Your Family's Reputation Quickly, Sex over God, Remake of Mediocre Asian Film, Save Future by Seeing It, Next with Math. Unfortunately for you, I'm not even done yet.

The "Plan 9 From Outer Space," "Manos, Hands of Fate," and "Battlefield Earth" Category of So Bad, It's Funny and Sad
Examples: The Wicker Man
Worst of the Decade: it's like a car crash. Despite it being a terrible thing, people just can't look away. Movies this bad come around once every ten years, if we're lucky (or unlucky). Movies where you laugh at the serious moments, scary moments, love scenes, and just about everything else. A movie where, if you took a class of filmmaking, the teacher would say "do the opposite of this." That is The Wicker Man, Cage's re-make of the horror classic. A movie that can certainly be considered one of the worst of the decade, Cage's performance is so obviously mailed in from beginning that it's almost like he's saying to the audience "You're actually WATCHING this?! Thanks for the cash!" Here are some highlights of the movie: Cage yells at a woman at gunpoint to get off a bike made for women then rides away on it, Cage is attacked by bees, Cage wears a full body bear suit, Cage punching a woman and pushing around children, Cage screaming "NOT THE BEES!" "AHH MY LEGS!" "HOW'D IT GET BURNED x6!" and other various unintentionally hilarious gems. When an actor has a performance this bad and has won an Oscar...well, it's just hard to comprehend.


Solutions to the Problem: I think it's fair to say that Cage has turned into a one-note actor. It's almost as if he's mailed in his career for the paychecks that bafflingly keep being handed to him. When you've become the white Cuba Gooding Jr., you need a change. Go outside the box. Find a good project with a good script and a good director, and take a supporting role. Try it, they have awards for that too. Some actors (Clooney, Daniel Day-Lewis, Johnny Depp) were born for leading roles. You are not one of those Mr. Cage.
Another solution: Do some theatre. That way, barely anyone will see your work.

Please, Stop It Already: Nicholas Cage has 9 movies set to come out between 2009-2010. Two are animated and 5 are Action/Drama's. Cage is the lead in all of them. One of two has the potential to be good, but could end up being disastrous. Working with the talented German Werner Herzog might help, or maybe in a comedy directed by one-good, one-awful movie newcomer Matthew Vaughn (Layer Cake, Stardust). One thing is for sure: there's not an upcoming Cage film that can be the antidote for the box-office poison Nicholas Cage has become.
Nicholas Cage, stop making the same movie or I'll make you watch The Jonas Brothers' Movie 12 times in a row.

Well, now that the initial experiment is done, I hope you enjoyed it. There's many other people out there that are annoying the shit out of everyone, whether it be actors, athletes, or politicians. But we'll see. Like I said, I got ideas for blogs so obscure and so plentiful, that you readers should be excited. I'm really running out of things to say in these conclusions. Go out, use condoms, wear a seatbelt, don't eat peanut butter right now, wash your hands after handling reptiles, and get your pets spayed and neutered. If you want to, I'd feel kind of bad for the dog. Until next time, I bid you so long, farwell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye.

Yes, I Love Whiskey but it Tastes Awful in Coffee, So I Drink Bloody Mary's, and Answers to Other Inquiries

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Drunken Folly

There are nights that everybody has. You know, when you get so drunk that you either puke or blackout. What leads someone to gulp down copious amounts of alcoholic drinks? That is a very good question. The answer is a bit more difficult. Nobody really knows why people binge on booze. I, myself, can easily be drawn into doing any shot, competition, or drink having to do with alcohol simply by someone telling me I can't do it. Depression, joy, apathy, these are all feelings that drive people to their nearest watering hole. But it's not all feelings. So sit down, grab a beer (or two), read along, and ask yourself the very same questions that I'm asking myself. The answers might SHOCK you. (mine, not yours). But I feel like I should be honest enough with the small faithful who still gander at my blog. I am also on prescription grade painkillers for my shoulder. But anyways...
Is Dolan an Alcoholic?

1. Have you ever had so much to drink you threw up in public?
--Absolutely. While in Amsterdam, on my way back to the hotel after drinking and smoking weed with a sketchy Dutch kid, I puked up my strawberry pancakes all over the street, in the elevator, and right in front of my door. If anyone reading this had to clean any of that up, I'm sorry. I've never puked in public, from drrinking at least, but I also puked the day after I had to much to drink and we were at the Agora. It was not pleasant.

2. Have you ever drank an entire week in a row?
--Sure have. Since, I didn't have much class first semester of senior year college, I was going out alot. At one point, I had gone out 5 nights in a row, went back to Chicago after the last night, and definitely drank at least a few days in a row after that. Plus, recently I also accomplished this task but it's too depressing to list here on the blog.

3. Have you ever got so drunk you couldn't get "it" up?
--Sure thing. It's not that bad though when the girl your with goes down on you for 30 minutes trying to make it happen.

4. Have you ever been kicked out of a bar?
--Absolutely, in Kirksville during the Cubs playoffs I got kicked out for being obnoxious.

5. What's the worst thing you've done to someone while you were drunk?
--I'm more of a coward than a fighter, but the worst thing might have done is told my neighbor to "Shut the fuck up" on at 11pm on my 21st birthday. Or pissed on a car, I don't know whose, but uhhhhhh sorry, man (or gal)

6. Have you ever woken up somewhere you don't even remember being?
--Once at school I woke up on some guy's lawn and didn't recognize where I was, it was about a mile away from campus. I would have been confused, if I wasn't hungover as shit.

7. How often do you drink by yourself?
--About once or twice a week. Unless it counts with my dad, then zero. But whatever.

8. What are some things you regret doing under the influence?
--Well, there was this one girl, the time I almost got mugged, the day I broke my grandmother's crystal frame, rear ending some guy, throwing up on some girls expensive rug, throwing up on my computer, falling and dislocating my knee, accidently cockblocking, getting cockblocked and not saying anything, calling some guy's girlfriend when I was on shrooms and a few beers, taking 10 shots of whiskey in an hour, played 10 games of beer pong in a row while drinking for my partner, playing flip-cup with a full cup of beer, eating Taco Bell, and playing drinking games with a waterbottle full of tequila instead of beer.

9. What is the most times you've gotten drunk in a single day?
--4. I believe it was an ordinary Saturday at home, went golfing with the dad (1), came home and napped a little. Had a few cocktails around 2-3 pm (2), went out for dinner where I had 4-5 drinks (3), and had people over to drink later that night (4). I wouldn't reccommend going over 4. That would be a hospital visit.

10. Final Question: How would your life be different if you couldn't drink?
--Honestly? I'd have alot less friends, alot less fun, and things like "marijuana" would be used very, very often to offset. I wouldn't have gone to weddings as much as I have, I wouldn't go out as much, and I don't even know if my dad and I would have a relationship. Holidays would be boring, sex would last less time, and life, altogether, would be a little bit duller. Without alcohol, the world would be a blur that we all live through, with no outlet for our suffering, pain, and whatnot. Bars and booze help people. FACT.

Peace, I'm sure I'm an alc so no conclusion is necessary.

Together in Perfect Harmony

Now that I've done my necessary Oscar blogging binge, I'll turn my attention to something more serious. Something that has to do with every single person on this Earth. From the loneliest eskimo (or Inuit, if your a stickler for extreme political correctness) to the hardest working Chinese manicurist, this blog will redefine the understanding of cultures, not to mention wipe out bigotry. What is one thing that unites the world? Nope, it's not sex. Cause if it was, anti-depressants would be useless. Music, regardless of culture, can unite people. There was nothing more annoying to me than hearing Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend" all over Greece when I was there, or more baffling than hearing soccer crowds singing Elvis' "I Can't Help Falling in Love With You" in England. America has their songs but the rest of the world does too. Occasionally, the rest of the worlds songs are sung by Americans. Oh well. Every continent has their own anthem, even if it's sung from 5,000 miles away. So these are those songs. These are Songs with Continents as the Title. A song for every continent. "Heat of the Moment" doesn't count. (Know how I know your gay? You didn't get that reference)

"Antarctica"
Sung By? American indie rockers The Weepies
Best Cultural Reference: "Under ice there's a world moving slow, Carnelian stars and the bars down below serve only vodka and gin, I try to stay drunk so nobody knows"
On the Rocks: The Weepies sings sad songs. Antarctica is a sad, lonely place occupied only by scientists who have never had sex, nor care about the pursuit of it. So it seems fitting that The Weepies would sing the Antarctic theme. This is a little more upbeat than the average resident of Antarctica, but all those penguins and polar bears don't mind. But as The Weepies sing about Antarctica as their "only living relative," something is missing (maybe an aunt?). The song is pretty good but Antarctica is not. So it doesn't fit. Antarctica's anthem should be more like a bad karaoke singer's version of The Beatles "Hey Jude": too long and mind-numbingly harsh on the ears. The Weepies make Antarctica not sound half bad. Or maybe not, if they need to stay drunk so nobody knows. And only vodka and gin? How bout some variety? Man, I know scientists aren't very creative but it doesn't take a genius to make a Jack and Coke. One thing I want answered about Antarctica: what the hell are Carnelian stars? (googles) Oh, reddish brown stars. That's a pretentious lyric.



"Australia"
Sung By? American Indie rockers The Shins
Best Cultural Reference: "Faced with a dodo's conundrum, I felt like I could fly, but nothing happened every time I tried."
No Men at Work: I came close to choosing The Jonas Brothers' song "Australia" but I decided I'd rather live like Michael J. Fox for a day. I actually don't think the song is about Australia, but who knows with indie rock? A song called "Jesus" could be about the meaning behind "Air Bud." Besides, can anyone write a serious song about the greatness of Australia? "Australia, Australia, the great penal colony of lore, my great-grandma was sent here cause the English thought she was a whore." The Shins do well to capture the sunny disposition of the country, if that was their intention, and the Aussie's are proud of it. And they should be, since the band probably put the names of countries in a hat and drew "Australia" for this song. But that's what's great about Australia. It's only heard about at random. The one thing the song is missing about Aussie culture is the vulgarity. Besides the koala bears and opera house, that's the best thing about the Aussie culture. I mean, right now they would tell me to "Fuck off, ya bedpan drinking cunt." I mean, who thinks of that? Well, I did. And the rest of America should take a cue from the Aussie's and become more creative with their vulgarity. All we say is "fuck you" and "you're an asshole". Instead, why don't you say something more insulting? Like, "your mother drinks out of my toilet, but only when i let her." I could totally be an Aussie. But I could just never get intp their national sport of kangaroo boxing.


"America"
Sung By? Neil Diamond
Best Cultural Reference: "Everywhere around the world, they're coming to America."
Star Spangled Thinger: Nothing says America like a bunch of drunk Bostoners singing "Sweet Caroline" instead of the 7th inning stretch. His "America" hymnal, cheesy and lyrically lazy, is what America's all about. As Neil continually sings about other people coming to our beloved country, he never really mentions why (Nebraska and Fergie). Then there's the awesomely creative re-quoting of "My Country 'tis of Thee" at the end of the song, which must be better in concert or something. Where's the usual ultra-American patriotism? The sexual deviance of the piano solo? The hopes and dreams of a poor 18-year old Taiwanese immigrant that works in a "massage parlor"? Because THAT'S what America is all about, isn't it? Patriotism, Sexual Deviance, and barely legal rub-n-tugs. Neil Diamond, unfortunately, covers none of the three. So, since Neil couldn't capture the true nature of America in song, allow me to rewrite the lyrics to "The Star Spangled Banner":
"O say can you see, by "Red Dawn's" early fight sequence?
What so proudly we hail, at "Twilight's" next movie.
Which broad's striped see-through dress went out to the club,
while her fans watched, on the internet streaming?
Lindsay Lohan's red hair, her skirt lifted by the air
Gave us proof that night, that the carpet matches up there.
O say, which celebrity divorce will make single moms brave?
In the land of the free and the former home of the slave!"



"Africa"
Sung By? 80's Pop Punch line, Toto
Best Cultural Reference: "I bless the rains down in Africa."
It Needs Some AIDeS: Even though it's by a band named Toto, which was their second choice behind Daft Punk, "Africa" is a scintillating tune rivaling other Toto hits like "St George and the Dragon" and "All Us Boys." When you name your band after the dog from The Wizard of Oz, you are guaranteed to endure thousands upon thousands of gay jokes. Who better than to sing Africa's anthem? Since Africa has basically become the world's punchline (if people still know about it) anyway, Toto and the continent fit very well together. All joking aside, Toto's song is pretty good with a rather boss (yeah, I'm using that as an adjective) chorus. QUICK: Name 5 African countries in 10 seconds! (Waits...) Bet you couldn't do it. Toto could. Their song blesses the rains on the entire continent, which aren't many, but still...at least their trying. Which is more than I could say for most people. Like Keira Knightley. What did she ever do for Africans? (Starring in 12 set-in-England period pieces doesn't count. In fact, that didn't help anyone. To be fair though, Africa hasn't made many good films. I can't think of one, actually.) DUN DUN DUN.
Here's an awesome cover from an awesome fictional band in an awesome TV show. AWESOME.


"South America"
Sung By? American indie band The Shout Out Louds
Best Cultural Reference: "I was talking to a friend of mine, in the bright night club light"
It's Chile Down There: I can't decide if this is an awesome name for a band or a really lame one, but I'll tell you one thing: "South America" is not a good name for a song. Or a continent. The Shout Out Louds did their best, though, to try and capture the mood of the South American political climate. TENSE BABY. They do it without many actual lyrics, more with their sound. You can sense it the maracas (those shaking things). The violin riffs are Hugo Chavez's iron fist. The xylophone sounds play off the eardrum like the Colombian cocaine would in Colombia. The Shout Out Louds shout out for a united South America. One where Peru, Bolivia, Chile, French Guyana, Suriname, and the lesser known countries can be united as one. The oohs and aahs aren't for musical effect. On the contrary. They are for the pain and suffering that the impoverished South Americans have to deal with throughout their lives. The Shout Out Louds create a diatribe, with colorful sounds, to illuminate a vibrant, sexy collection of countries that play host to millions of the most unique people South of the Equator (sorry, Australia). How can a song be about all that and still keep themselves in enough check to write a great song? Well, it can't. The song's about a jealous guy who sees his ex at a club. Indie bands just like continents for titles. But I'm sorry, don't unleash that Latin temper out on me. I'm just the messenger. Messenger of loooovvvve (cue 80's porn music.)


"I Love Asia"
Sung By? Super Asian Colloaboration, Smile Again
Best Cultural Reference: "No matter where you look, there's no sign of hope"
Kung Pao!: After the earthquake in China a few years ago, Chinese people (I think Jackie Chan's in the video but he looks similar to that other Asian I know) got together to show their love and support for a continent that is suffering from AIDS, poverty, overpopulation, underage prostitution, human trafficking, and overpriced Shrimp Fried Rice. But seriously, only Japan, China, and Korea really have it that good out of all those Asian countries. And while this "We Are the World" rip-off seems like it might help a minimum waged janitor escape from rubble, it is just awful. I mean, Chinese isn't a very pretty language and when they try to make it sound pretty, it sounds even worse. I mean, the only time I've heard it beautiful was at that massage parlor in the suburbs. But anyways, earthquakes are serious things. So stop laughing at the Asians as they attempt to horribly sing about the victims, who probably are praying for another stone to fall on their face after hearing this long ass diatribe. But who can blame Jackie Chan for trying? Well, lots of people if they've seen any of his movies besides Rush Hour.



"European Son"
Sung By? The Velvet Underground
Best Cultural Reference: "You killed your European son, you spit on those under 21"
It Rains Alot: After searching for a song about Asia, Europe, or even Eurasia for my super duper continent song project, I found that there are bands for these continents but not songs. So I had to improvise. Who better to represent Europe than Velvet Underground, a bunch of guys who wrote a song about fucking a nun. Listen, Europeans kill their sons and they spit on minors. It's just the way of the world. Like Burger and Fries or Chocolate and Peanut Butter, it's just how we spin madly on in this crazy, mixed up world. The Velvet Underground are a bunch of wacky dudes, to be sure, and you'd think they were on more drugs than a Chinese opium den to write some of their music, but they were actually quite mellow. Europe deserves a special anthem, since, as any European would be quick to point out, it's a special place. And TVU try to make it special with their six-minute instrumental jam in-between the scarce lyrics, although it comes off as pretentious. Which is also a synonym for "European." The song is alright, if for no other reason than frontman Lou Reed can sing his way out of a interstellar war. In Europe's defense, it's a very beautiful place with a massive amount of natural wonders. But the people are so snobby and arrogant, and then you got Europe outside of France. Which is actually pretty sweet. France sucks.


There's nothing left to say for these god forsaken continents except that they are all part of our sad, small world that we are all forced to occupy. So why can't we all look past the ridiculous lines on maps and religious denominations and live together? Racism and bigotry is so lame, not to mention there are those that can never fully understand the true nature of humanity. We all look to labels to judge a person. And while "serial killer" is a good label to judge, Islamic or Moroccan aren't. Bigotry and racism are for ignorant people, unwilling to even listen to another's opinion. So fuck them. Let gays marry, let Muslims pray, let Christians try and convert any and everyone into their religion. It won't harm you if you have nothing to do with it. So, in the words of Paul McCartney "Let It Be."

Worst of the Best

Hey there. In light of the Oscars (thank god for Slumdog) yesterday, I decided to just do a short list with the the 10 Worst and Best Best Picture Winners of All-Time. I'll some more blogging up later in the week.

Worst
Honorable Mentions: Chariots of Fire, Shakespeare in Love, Dances With Wolves

10. Titanic (1997)
Should've won: Good Will Hunting

9. Terms of Endearment (1983)
Should've Won: The Right Stuff

8. Tom Jones (1963)
Should've Won: America, America

7. Crash (2005)
Should've Won: Brokeback Mountain

6. Gigi (1958)
Should've Won: Cat on a Hot Tin Roof

5. The Englsih Patient (1996)
Should've Won: Fargo

4. Chicago (2002)
Should've Won: The Pianist or Lord of the Rings 2

3. Around the World in 80 Days (1956)
Should've Won: La Strada

2. The Greatest Show on Earth (1952)
Should've Won: High Noon

1. Out of Africa (1985)
Should've Won: Ran

Best

Honorable Mentions: Slumdog Millionaire (too soon), No Country for Old Men, The Lost Weekend


10. The Apartment (1960)

9. Rebecca (1940)

8. Casablanca (1942)

7. Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (2003)

6. The Sting (1973)

5. The Deer Hunter (1978)

4. Lawrence of Arabia (1962)

3. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975)

2. Schindler's List (1993)

1. The Godfather (1972)

That's enough of the movie posts for now. I'll be back soon enough with a real-live blog! Until then, viva la revolucion!

Oscar Review: Slumdog Millionaire

Today I review the #1 movie in my Oscar Review. And there should be no surprise as to what it is. Let's review the future Best Picture winner, deservingly so.

Slumdog Millionaire

The Players: Directed by Danny Boyle, Starring Dev Patel, Freida Pinto
Also Nominated For: Best Director (Boyle), Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Original Song (Twice), Best Cinematography, Best Editing, Best Original Score, Best Sound, Best Sound Editing.
Plot: A Mumbai teen who grew up in the slums, becomes a contestant on the Indian version of "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" He is arrested under suspicion of cheating, and while being interrogated, events from his life history are shown which explain why he knows the answers.

Review: What can I say about Slumdog that hasn't already been said? From the opening sequences to the final dance number, Slumdog is vibrant and alive. Every story within the story is heartwarming and tragic. M.I.A.'s "Paper Planes' seems like it was made for this movie and the music that was is an amazing musical achievement for a movie. The decision to get kids from the actual slums for the child roles made the movie that much better. However, what bothers me about Slumdog, is that it's hardly a "feel-good story." It's a tragedy until the very end. And even though the ending's predictable, who could have it any other way. This kid is screwed over and every point, by everybody but all those times he was screwed, lead him one step closer to his ultimate prize: love. This isn't a story about money, it's about destiny. Of course it's far-fetched. Is it any less far-fetched than Crash or Rocky? And if it is far-fetched, who really cares? The movie is alive. The story goes back and forth through time, but there is no beginning or end, there is only the flow of life. It's hard to review a movie like Slumdog because of the way it makes you feel. Can you look objectively beyond your feelings for the movie and point out the flaws? It's very hard to do so when a movie can be so emotional, an up and down roller coaster of joy and shock. But when you experience a movie like this, who really cares if its flawed at all? Throughout the film Jamal almost gets his eyes scooped out, loses his girl 3 different times, is tortured by police, gets an invaluable autography taken away, watches his mother die, and is severely betrayed by his own brother. Even if the ending is predictable, Jamal deserves a happy ending. Director Danny Boyle puts together his best movie, hires Indian musical genius AR Rahman to compose a brilliant score that almost certainly will win, along with Best Song. I don't feel like I can do Slumdog justice by reviewing it here. There is no way to expect what you eventually see on screen. It is something that must be experienced to appreciate. So, if you haven't had the pleasure, go see Slumdog. It is a cinematic gem. And don't worry about all the haters out there. Even Mother Theresa had haters (NOT COMPARING SLUMDOG TO A CHRISTIAN SAINT).

Grade: A

Oscar Review: Milk

Today I predicatably review Milk, which came in 2nd out of the Best Picture nominees. And I must point out that I never thought me reviewing Benjamin Button would get me called Hitler and Stalin, a first for even me. I was in awe and, I must say, almost offended. So I guess I'll be open to opinions more often and readily.

Milk

The Players: Directed by Gus Van Sant, Starring Sean Penn, James Franco, Josh Brolin, Emilie Hirsch, and Diego Luna
Also Nominated For: Best Actor (Penn), Best Supporting Actor (Brolin), Best Director (Van Sant), Best Original Screenplay, Best Editing, Best Costume Design, Best Original Score
Plot: The story of California's first openly gay elected official, Harvey Milk, a San Francisco supervisor who was assassinated along with Mayor George Moscone by San Francisco Supervisor Dan White.

Review: Otherwise known as the Sean Penn Show, Milk is a gripping story about the former gay supervisor. That doesn't mean it is not flawed. The cast gives a great performance, especially Penn and Brolin, who shine. Penn is totally committed to the role in every way. Any other year, he might get the Oscar. But I think it belongs to Rourke this year. Where I think it is flawed, however, is in that it doesn't show Harvey Milk as human; it shows him as a perfect, gay superhero freedom fighter. Sir Milk sure had flaws. Like, how he sent a letter to Jim Jones at Jonestown, pledging his support for him a few weeks before a forced mass suicide. But the movie is, nonetheless, engaging. Although the scenes with his lovers are rather hit or miss, the protests and the campaigning is great. When Penn, Hirsch, and the the crew are all together, that's where the movie shines. Like Frost/Nixon, this is a movie completely driven by it's characters. That's not to say Van Sant doesn't do a great job. He recreates the 1970's of San Francisco and makes it seem like you are there. The best scene of the movie, where Broiin goes to Harvey's fancy party drunk, single handedly got Brolin the nomination and was so powerful. Even though Franco may have done better. What makes Milk so powerful is its subject and what it represents. The movie is about Harvey Milk but it's more about what he represented. Gays, even in liberal California, had barely any rights. It's amazing that, as a society, America is so young and prejudice. I never understood why people are so bias against gays. If religious people think that gays are going to hell, then let them. Who cares? Everybody needs to worry about themselves because everybody deserves to live the life they want, forget the consequences. Before I make this about gay rights, I'll get back to the movie. Going into this movie, you know what's going to happen. Harvey Milk is going to die. But Sean Penn shows audiences that there's a reason this man is more known for his life than his death, even though both were high profile. He showed gays that they SHOULD get out in the open and accept who they were and what they deserved. This is not to say the movie was perfect. I'm not sure why, I just think it suffered from the United 93 syndrome. No movie could completely capture the life and death of Harvey Milk. Nor could it completely convey how much Harvey Milk meant. It's better than most biopics, thats for sure. It's a great movie, but is it a memorable one? One I'll watch 10 years from now? A Best Picture winner? Not quite. It needed just a little extra oomph. Harvey Milk played second fiddle to no man, but his movie does. And Milk is number two because number one is oh-so-good. Number one is memorable, I'll watch it 10 years from now, and it is a Best Picture winner. Sorry, Harvey. That doesn't mean Milk isn't great. It just isn't as great as the man.

Grade: B+

I'll be back later today or Friday for my review of the #1 movie in the Best Picture category. Which, by the powers of deduction, I'm sure you can figure out.