Stay Tuned

Like me, I bet you're sick of hearing about the presidential nominee on the Democratic side. Hilary just won't go away, that persistent little tomcat, which is something you don't want to hear about a woman unless it's in bed. So we won't talk about politics. And since I've worn out the movies here on the blog more than a cyclone in Myanmar (or Burma, take your pick), we won't talk about the pictures either. So what CAN we talk about? Sports? Sex? Racism? Food? Racist Food? I've got it! These are the World's 6 Most Dangerous Roads. I didn't even see that coming.

6. Magnificient Guoliang Tunnel Road in China
Danger! This road in the Taihang Mountains in China was built out of the mountains by the villagers themselves. The walls of the tunnels are uneven and there are more than 30 "windows" of different shapes and sizes to allow sunlight in. Looking down is not a good idea. Even if you can see through the windows that go up the tunnel, the road is climbing up a fucking mountain. Not to mention that on the very shoulder of the road there are large pillars of pure stone that will destroy your soul. When your not actually under the mountain, there is little barrier going up the open roads, meaning one false turn and you will fall into an abyss and never be heard from again.
Travel Advice: Pay attention or die. Even if you do pay attention, there's still a good chance of it happening.



5. "Highway of Death"
Seatbelts, Please. Connecting Kuwait and Basra, Iraq, this road is bound to be dangerous. The road is one of the most heavily bombed areas in Iraq and is used by U.S. troops to get in and out of Basra. During the Gulf War, there was a mass slaughter which many considered a war crime but no bodies were found. This road doesn't really have bad conditions or terrain, it's just stupid to drive on a heavily bombed road in the middle of Iraq. You'd have to retarded as a donkey-fucker to drive on this road.
Travel Advice: Iraq is too hot this time of year, anyway.

4. Nepalese Roads
Chain Up Those Tires, Boys. The roads in Nepal are not maintained very well and are very mountainous. It's also very snowy there. Connect the dots. If you want to ever climb Mt. Everest, it's almost as dangerous getting to the damn mountain as it is to climb it. The ice, rock, snow, mountains, potholes, and narrowness that are these roads are like a recipe for death. But, I guess if your traveling to Nepal your not really looking for safety, now are you?
Travel Advice: Climb Mt. Kilimanjaro instead



3. Sukhumi Road
Ummm....Hold On. Sukhumi Road is located in former Soviet Georgia in the Caucusus Mountains. Those mountain folk are well known for their wine-soaked, reckless abandon style of living/driving and it doesn't help that they are on this road. Not to mention its used as a large truck route through the mountains. The road reaches heights up to 7,800 feet high with very foggy conditions. There are many touristy sites to visit along the mountains but beware: the unpredictable weather high up in the mountains, along with the plethera of hazardous drivers, might kill ya. Or the Russian Border Authority might because they are douchebags.
Travel Advice: Atlanta, Georgia might be a better bet than Tbilisi, Republic of Georgia.


2. Lena Highway
I Left for Help 5 Minutes Ago. Where's the Car?!? If for some reason, your up for exploring the far-nether region of Siberian Yakutsk, then this is the road for you. Even though it is a federal state highway, it is just a dirt road. In the winter, it's actually quite passable and not much of a problem. However, the mud road in the summer can turn into quicksand with any amount of rain. It can actually swallow your vehicle. However, it is the only road to Yakutsk. It's sometimes advisable, that when the road is impassible, to drive over the frozen Lena River but that has its obvious dangers too because your driving over a god-damned river. Since many of the people who built the road died doing so, you'll be driving over their bones that were buried under it as a memorial. God, I hate Russia.
Travel Advice: When choosing between Yakutsk and Bali for your honeymoon, remember that when your car sinks in the mud, your beautiful horny wife will too.



1. Yungas Road
Como se dice "death" en espanol? The Yungas Road is a 40 mile mountain road connecting La Paz and Coroico in Bolivia. Almost 300 people die on this road annually. There are no barriers, it's basically one land for two lanes of traffic, and the climate switches from a cool, light climate to an almost tropical climate as your rise, meaning lots of rain, wind, and fog. When you see another car coming the other way, you both have to stop, get out, and negotiate how you are going to pass each other. Also, the lanes go the opposite direction (the only road in Bolivia to do so) to make it safer. Along the route, there are many visible reminders of accidents and if one looks down (please don't) they will see a disturbing amount of automobiles. Fatal accidents occur on this road once every week or so, making it by far the most unsafe road to drive on in all the world. As cars pass, clouds of dust fog the windows. When your passing, more often than not a wheel will have to hang over the 3,000 foot cliff just to get by. Drivers who drive the road regularly say prayers before departing on this road and offer beer to the earth to appease the god of whatever so they don't die. Well, shucks.
Travel Advice: Don't.





Well, there you have it. Danger can lurk around every corner if your not careful. Just remember: always buckle up and always, always bring a road beer. As always, I hope you enjoyed this edition of the blog. I'll leave you with a music video I directed dedicated to my most loyal and dedicated reader (you know who you are, sir). Enjoy.