Speaking (of) Ugly

There are some people that just have ugly voices. Anything they say is met with a look of utter disgust. This is why the guys in porno movies don't talk. The difference in pitch, tone, and inflection in someone's voice can make or break how you perceive them. Some unlucky people have been born in to monstrosities that are known as "languages." Sometimes you can't tell the difference between these people talking and someone clearing their throat. These are the World's 6 Ugliest Languages. This message is approved by Neil Patrick Harris (NPH). To be fair to the languages, I've found attractive people in videos that can make these languages sound halfway decent. But beware.

6. Albanian
Language Type and Origin: Indo-Eburopean language derived from extinct Illyrian language that were spoken in the Baltics. The earliest known Albanian speakers were from the 2nd Century, AD.
Ugly Factor: What makes Albanian an unfavorable language is that it's a very aggressive language. There are many palatal stops and putting strong inflection on many letters, such as v, m, n, b, and many others. There are lots of words that also emphasize "sh" and with the accent they have it sounds yucky. There are also verbs that are conjugated based on moods that people are in. Listening to the language, it doesn't really seem like anybody is that happy. Plus, I had to work with Albanians for 2 years, so I may have a negative impression.
Sounds like: A Greek person speaking a mix of Italian and Russian. Also sounds like someone in a constant state of constipation.
Here's Albanian singer Poni making me want to "Dil Moj Dil.":


5. Hindi
Language Type and Origin: Indo-Aryan Language evolved from the Sanskrit writing system. Comes from the Middle Age language families of Prakrit and Apabhramsha in or around the early 17th century.
Ugly Factor: No offense to Hindu's, since English probably isn't a pretty language when spoken by Americans, but Hindi is just an ugly language. I'm sure you've all heard (and smelt) it, so what makes it so ugly? The numerous amount of stop consanants that are inflected by pushing the tongue against the upper teeth. This makes for the unpleasant sounds usually heard whenever you can smell curry. Many sounds are much higher in pitch are found in Hindi as well. Higher pitches in other languages give them a unique, beautiful quality such as Chinese and Japanese. However, the accents associated with Hindu people just make this language very unpleasant.
Sounds Like: An Arabic speaker with "Deep South USA" drawl after sucking in helium.
Hindi is better served with half naked attractiveness:


4. Danish
Language Type and Origin: A North Germanic language in the Germanic branch of Indo-European language family. Widespread use started around the 12th Century.
Ugly Factor: Danish is a very creaky language. The dialect almost pushes out words rather than speaking them, making it a very unique and hideous language. (By the way, what does Denmark even do?) There are many irregular verbs in the Danish language, which are very easy to conjugate, but often come out a little awkwardly. It's easier to write than pronounce, since many vowels and consanants from native speakers are silenced. The Danish "stod" phonology is what makes the creaky sounds, with almost every word emphasized. It makes the language very rough and not good sounding.
Sounds Like: A retarded Irish speaker trying to mix German and Gaelic.
Techno music video. Not sure if the singer is attractive but the video surely will make you in the mood for some danish:


3. Dutch
Language Type and Origin: Western and Northern Germanic language, closely associated with English and German. Use began in the 5th century AD, when people didn't care about spitting in your face while they spoke.
Ugly Factor: If you've never heard Dutch, then your ears have been temporarily spared from "eardrum hell." Almost every word ends with a "t" sound, with a hint of mucus. There are lots of v's and d's, along with tons of stress, as Dutch is a stress language. Stress is sometimes the only difference between words. Presumably due to the years of legal marijuana smoking, coupled with cigarette smoking and techno music, Dutch people speak very fast and often silence letters for a better flow. Let me tell you something: the only thing that flows in Holland, where Dutch is the official language, are the canals and smoke into your lungs. There are words that end in 4 consonants that would make your head explode if exposed for too long. There are also many "fricative" consonants, which sound like the "ch" in Bach if you say it while your clearing your throat. The only reason pot is legal in Holland is so people will get lazy and stop talking.
Sound like: An angry German clown talking while blowing his nose.
Here's a perfect video: hot Dutch DJ Bridget Maasland kissing another hot dj with limited dutch speaking:



2. Hebrew
Language Type and Origin: A Semitic, Afro-Asiatic language. (The Afro there is probably the only thing Jewish people have in common with black people. Formed in around the 10th Century BC, when the Jews tried to take over the world.
Ugly Factor: Ahh, the language of the Jews. Listen, I'm not gonna get technical about Hebrew here. I'm sure you've all heard the language with it's deep stresses, tons of vowels, and utter ugliness. The nasal and throaty sounds make the language, which is one of the world's oldest, seem like its forgotten how to actually sound like words. Not to mention that Hebrew is a mix of Afro-Asiatic, combining Asian and Afro elements, which is like putting mayonnaise in your rice. Instead of racially slandering the Hebrew language I'll "lighten" the mood with a joke: How many Jews can fit in a Volkswagen Beetle? 54: 2 in the front, 2 in the back, and 50 in the ashtray!
Zing!
Sounds Like: Money crackling in an oven
To be fair to the Jews, here's Natalie Portman speaking Hebrew, one of the only people on Earth that can make it sound pretty:



1. Russian
Language Type and Origin: Eastern Slavic language derived from old Slavic languages in the 14th century.
Ugly Factor: Russian is a very mean and powerful language. Probably from years of cockiness, arrogance, and oppresion, there isn't much good about Russian. It has a Cyrillic alphabet, deep bellowing voices, and ugly women. I dunno, reading about Russian is boring. Since most Russians are ugly and mean, not to mention cold and constantly inhaling pollution, the language is bound to come out god-awful. To be fair,....you know what? If I wanted to play fair with someone, it wouldn't be the Russians. I'd go to the Ukraine, the only country arrogant and awesome enough to break away from the Soviet Union, attempt to destroy the world through the Chernobyl disaster, get away with it, and have a "the" in the name of the country. It's not Ukraine. It's The Ukraine. Take that, you Russian pussies.
Sounds Like: Your fat, bitter ex-wife speaking a blend of Arabic and Italian.
Who else? Maria Sharapova (BTW, it still sounds ugly). Since hot Russian women are so rare, think about how great it would be to bag one:



Da las gracias otra vez para leer el blog. Desde que esta columna estuvo acerca de idiomas, yo escribo mi discurso de la salida en español. Hasta que vuelva con un nuevo poste, disfrute del gentío que despierta el fin del baloncesto, del hockey, y de la temporada de fútbol. Regresaré pronto. ¡Hasta entonces, adiós!