Shenanigans!

Oh, crazy people with all their theories. Aliens abducted me! The Jews are trying to take over the world! 2Pac Lives! Germans are funny! There's way too many ridiculous theories floating around out there like that paper bag caught in the wind in "American Beauty." While most theories don't hold any more water than a sip cup, there are a few that hold some merit. 7 True Conspiracy Theories. Just keep the 9/11 ones to yourself.

7. State-Sponsored Murder by Russia
The Conspiracy: Since ex-KGB agent has been in power, a number of outspoken journalists who accused the government of "false-flag" attacks (a disguised government terrorist attacked pinned on other terrorists for political gain) against their own people. (See: Moscow theatre crisis, Russian apartment bombings) Journalists Alexander Litvineno was poisoned just last year, Anna Politkovskaya was shot and killed in her home in 2005, journalist Yuri Shchekochikhin was poisoned in 2003, along with at least 6 other journalists who were outspoken against Putin or the government.
The Proof: Although most of the evidence is circumstantial, it is HIGHLY circumstantial. Russia has been known for it's human rights abuse and arresting anyone speaking out against government. Litvinenko and Yuri were both poisoned with the same material. Politkovskaya was poisoned twice by Russian troops, as well as detained and beaten. Keep in mind this is Russia we are talking about, and the ex-KGB Putin is probably nothing more than a scheming douchebag who, like most Russian leaders past, would like to put fear in the hearts of anyone wanting to speak out.
The Guilty Party: The expertise of the murders can only be traced back to ex-KGB types. Either Chechen rebels or Putin's government are no doubt responsible for these killings.

6. MKULTRA
The Conspiracy: In the 1970's, it was speculated that the CIA was performing experiments dealing with mind control. Unwilling subjects who hadn't given consent were tested using psychoactive drugs such as LSD, mescaline (applied with sedatives at the same time), and pretty much every controlled substances. They tested people in brothels without their knowledge (as they wouldn't admit it to embarrassment), giving subjects LSD for 77 days in a row, and lacing anything to test prostitutes, military officers, mentally ill patients, hospital patients, and the general public to see the effects and if was possible to control actions. The goal was to produce a type of "manchurian candidate" to control. All documents on the project were destroyed once the word got out on the experiments.
The Proof: The CIA has openly admitted to testing on all these subjects. Lawsuits have been brought against the government but all are settled out of court and one that wasn't ruled in favor of the military. The Rockafellar Commission found that the CIA had illegally tested on unwilling subjects but investigation would be impossible since all the files had been destroyed.
Guilty Party: The CIA, Military, and the 44 colleges, 15 research foundations, 12 hospitals, and 3 prisons that participated in the experiments.
Here's a video explaining most of the situation. The information is all factual, the opinions of the speakers are just that. Opinions. So leave them at that.


5. Tuskegee Experiments
The Conspiracy: From the 1930s to 1970s, 300 black sharecroppers were injected with syphillis to see its effects if it went untreated. The conspiracy is that the negro males didn't give consent and did not even know they were being infected with the STD. In 1942, penicillin was widely used to cure the disease. Yet, ALL the black men infected were not given the cure just to see how the disease works and kills people. The patients were lied to and given placebos instead, as they were uneducated and poor, not knowing the difference. As a result, most died before the study was over and close to 70 more people were infected due to contact.
The Proof: Well, the scientists ended up admitting it and documents up the ying-yang were presented as proof. The incident sparked widespread paranoia as blacks would later blame the government for AIDS, crack, and impregnating disadvantaged single black women so they would have no chance at making it in the world. In response, the remaining infected alive were subsequently killed by firing squad.
The Guilty Party: Numerous doctors and the Tuskegee Institute. All were convicted but moved to Russia to infect the Jews with syphillis. They were subsequently killed by hanging.
(Note: Some details may be added for dramatic effect)

4. Watergate
The Conspiracy: In 1972, Nixon's goons broke into Watergate hotel to steal documents from the Democrats. After they were caught, Nixon tried to cover up the scandal. A Senate Investigation found that Nixon was behind it, as well as Nixon compiling an enemy's list with over 100 names that he was delibiritly screwing through the IRS and other manners. He also had a "plumber's squad" which would undertake numerous other operations like Watergate, a secret re-election slush fund, and tapes using the CIA to cover these up in national security interests.
The Proof: Tapes, confessions, and a shitton of evidence was compiled against Nixon and his goonies. They idiotically used the slush fund money to use for the burglars legal fees. Nixon's resignation obviously is a bit of a hint as well.
The Guilty Party: Nixon and a ton of aides, friends, and cabinet members. Although Nixon was never really found guilty, as the idiot President Gerald Ford pardoned him after taking office.
To lighten up the mood a little, I've included a video of a drunk squirrel. HA! Poor ugly squirrel can't get up the tree!


Back to Business:
3. Dreyfuss Affair
The Conspiracy: In 1894, Jewish French Captain Alfred Dreyfuss was tried for treason and was degradated to Devil's Island. A list of French artillery and secrets was found in the trash by a maid and was assumed to be Dreyfuss' because he was a, to quote the French PM, "dirty, dirty Jew." Evidence was withheld to the defense and another man was aquitted for the crime (a Hungarian double agent) to cover up that they covered up evidence. He was sent to jail for 5 years until his case was re-opened due to, and I quote Mark Twain "France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes."
The Proof: Emile Zola uncovered the plot, got himself tried to force the government to release the evidence. They did, he fled the country (typical), and Dreyfuss' case was reopened and thrown out. Dreyfuss was quoted as saying "Prison wasn't much different than serving in the French army. All I did was sit around." In other news, everyone not Jewish apparently secretly hates Jews. Not me! Well....
The Guilty Party: The French Government, who you could also blame for all American deaths in WWI and WWII, bringing about Vietnam, making expensive food that doesn't even fill you up, and being really snotty to foreigners.
Here's a excellent video pointing out French Intelligence. One can only assume military commanders are in the audience. Notice the question. If one of the answers was France, it probably would have been right since it's on French TV.


2. Business Plot
The Conspiracy: Leaders of US Steel, Standard Oil, General Motors, Chase National Bank, and Goodyear Tire Company got together to form a fascist coup over FDR, upset over New Deal legislation. The plan was to overthrow FDR using the military. The episode was largely downplayed in the media due to possible cabinet members being involved and people of high stature having significant pull over newspapers and the media. The conspirators promised 500,000 troops and $30 million in financial support. Thousands of war vets set up shop outside Washington to claim war bonuses were encouraged by a visit from major general Smedley Butler. (Is that name really awesome or just terrible?) Butler later testified that he was recruited to lead the large army in a coup over FDR.
The Proof: A Committee was called to investigate and found that a plot did indeed exist but that was all they released. The matter was dropped and barely ever heard from again. Much important excerpts of the hearings were deleted (especially in regards to prominent businessmens testimony)
The Guilty Party: It is unlikely to ever be fully known, but the Du Pont family and American Liberty League seem to have the most pull over the situation.
Here's some more info


1. The Protocols of the Elders of Zion
The Conspiracy: The above is a title for a literary fraud written in first person explaining how the Jews could take over the world. They outline 24 Protocols which Jews could take over the world (such as Alcoholism, Materialism, Porno, War, World Government, Brainwashing, and the destruction of all other religions, among others). The publication was used to ignite hatred of Jews in Russia, Germany, and Arab nations, who still use it today.
The Proof: Numerous trials and investigations have been done to figure out who exactly wrote the infamous article that sparked and "justified" mass violence against Jews. The fact that it emerged in Russia is a clue, since they hate Jews a lot. It came from anti-semite circles around 1900s in Germany. The obvious ridiculousness of the entire writing is probably the biggest hint. Numerous terms that are pretty taboo in Jewish writings is found throughout the literature, which if written by high ranking Jewish people, would not be the case. Plus, the phrase "Jews always scheme" probably wasn't written by a Jewish person.
The Guilty Party: Russian or German anti-semites who, wait for it, ACTUALLY THOUGH THIS IS WHAT JEWISH PEOPLE THINK. God, I hate Russians. Except Maria Sharapova. She can conspiracy theory me anytime. (cue funky jazz riff)
However, they might be on to something. Apparently the Jews are trying to take over Rap, Raggae, and Pop music through one man:


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Anyways, after exposing numerous plotters and douches, I am way tired. So I'll leave it to the great Ric Flair to sign me off. It's a great speech about me: