I Feel A Pain In My Liver....Pass Me That Bottle!

"Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time." It was a wise man who spoke these words, although I'm not sure who it was, as I'm too hungover to look it up. The following men and women lived by this motto better than most could ever strive for. Their livers of steel never failed to amaze the viewing public. So here they are 8 Most Perpetually Drunk Drunkards

8. Charles Bukowski
Drunk Quote: “I don't like jail, they got the wrong kind of bars in there”
Drunk History: Perhaps you've seen the movie "Barfly"? Well, if you haven't then you need to know that poet/author/postal worker Bukowski dealt with an alcohol habit and sex obsession his entire life. He was hospitalized with a ulcer due to his heavy alcoholism. For a long period, he was one of those alcoholic hobos wondering the streets. However, his writing gained popularity and then he was just an alcoholic indoors instead.
Drink of Choice: Cheap Wine

7. Dorothy Parker
Drunk Quote: "I wish I could drink like a lady, I'll have one or two at the most. Three and I'm under the table, Four and I'm under the host."
Drunk History: The poet and writer Parker was blacklisted and went through three rough marriages, along with a few suicide attempts. In between, she was busy ordering gun martini's and wine in her literary circle the "Algonquin Round Table" which probably had less moral intentions than King Arthur's. Although her alcoholism was from years of depression, her wit made her famous throughout America. Even more amazing, she was consistently drunk through most of her Oscar nominated screenplays and magazine publications. Can't you tell from her charming quote "I've been too fucking busy - or vice versa." Oh my, Dorothy.
Drink of Choice: Beefeater Gin Martini

6. William Faulkner
Drunk Quote: "Well, between Scotch and nothin’, I suppose I’d take Scotch. It’s the nearest thing to good moonshine I can find."
Drunk History: Faulkner also struggled with alcoholism throughout most of his life, although he claims he did not drink while writing. He used it as an escape valve. He also had a serious gambling problem, which increased his drinking significantly. It's not that Faulkner drank everyday. He planned out day or week long drinking binges after finishing novels or whenever he needed a break from reality. Some bender's went on as long as a month, which is quite impressive to say the least. Or pathetic, depending on how you look at it. Due to drinking, he was hospitalized numerous times for his alcoholism, and as he got older the alcoholism became more dangerous and eventually killed him.
Drink of Choice: Moonshine

5. W.C. Fields
Drunk Quote: "I exercise extreme self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast."
Drunk History: Fields was a charming and lovable drunk Hollywood presence in the first half the 1900s. At the start of his career, he played drunk characters often but never drank himself. As the weary touring and traveling took a tool on him, he developed a drinking habit that was glamorized. (Think Lindsay Lohan but the exact opposite) On movie sets, he kept a "vacuum flask" (like a thermus) filled with martini's on hand. However, his heavy drinking worsened his health, turning him into a radio personality. His daily pitcher of martinis eventually caught up to fields and hurt his vision and most senses til he died.
Drink of Choice: Martini (and not just one)

4.Winston Churchill
Drunk Quote: "I have taken more good from alcohol than alcohol has taken from me."
Drunk History: Churchill, former PM of the UK, was notorious for drunken rants throughout press confrences. It is no wonder the UK almost got blown to bits in WWII, as their leader was perpetually sauced. It is said that alcohol was his best weapon during the war, providing him with the wit he needed to distract the UK from all the destruction. Not to mention, he could drink just about anything, anywhere, anytime, and take it down with ease. I would gladly have gone to war with this man or to a bar. You know, whichevers closer.
Drink of Choice: Whiskey w/ a splash of Water

3. Dylan Thomas
Drunk Quote: (Supposed Last Words) "I just had eighteen straight whiskey's. I think that's the record."
Drunk History: The Welsh poet was one of the most influential of the 20th century. Thomas boasted of his alcoholism often and his life was significantly affected by it. His health was declining at the young age of 39 due to his heavy drinking and as a doctor told him to stop, he carried on anyway. There are many rumors surrounding his death but the most popular is one which, if true, is the most badass story in the history of drinking. Thomas supposedly drank 18 straight shots of whiskey, casually lit up a cigarette, and went out outside to which he proclaimed the drunken quote above. He then slipped into an alcoholic coma and died of alcohol poisoning.
Drink of Choice: Ale and Whiskey (aka Boilermakers)

2. Ernest Hemingway
Drunk Quote: "Modern life is too often a mechanical oppression and liquor provides the only mechanical relief."
Drunk History: Hemingway's life was quite troubled. Through years of depression and angst toward society, drinking became a common daily escape for Hemingway. Especially in his later life, Hemingway spent much time in the Caribbean drinking his troubles away. With a beer belly to match, the fabled writer could sure put them down with the best of him. It's too bad that he committed suicide before we got to see him in his alcoholic prime.
Drink of Choice: Rum

1. Jackie Gleason
Drunk Quote: "I'm no alcoholic. I'm a drunkard. There's a difference. A drunkard doesn't like to go to meetings."
Drunk History: You may know Gleason as the husband from "The Honeymooners" who threatened "One of these days Alice...POW..right in the kisser." Gleason mixed his heavy alcoholism with 6 packs of cigarettes a day and a healthy amount of food. Gleason started drinking at 12 and smoking at 10. Gleason worked at numerous bars throughout his youth and got his break through his drunken bartenderish antics. He was said to down 15 drinks before going on stage to loosen up, which would kill most people. He bought rounds for bars, had parties til sunrise, and picked up more bar tabs than Frank Sinatra. This was all before he turned 21. Gleason continued his lovable drunken act throughout the rest of his career until he, go figure, succombed to liver and lung disease.
Drink of Choice: If asked, Gleason would say "What? Just one?"


There you have it, the greatest drinkers of our generation. The troubled and drunk seem to be the creative genius that drives the arts. There ain't anything funny about alcoholism though. Anyways, here's a funny video I found about alcoholism! Enjoy!