Most Wonderful Time of the Year

As people rush to shopping malls and set up their Christmas decorations, they forget that not everyone in the world celebrates Christmas. Most overlook the fact that our beliefs are not universal. After reading this column, you will not be one of those people. Be informed. Be very informed. Here are
6 Religious Holidays Not Named Christmas.

6. Channukah
Celebrated By: Jews everywhere
When: 25th day of Kislev on the Hebrew Calender until 2nd day of Tevet
How's it Celebrated? The Jews set aside 8 days to celebrate the rededication of the Temple in Jerusalem. They only had enough olive oil to light the place for 1 day but it burned on for 8 days. Everyday during Hannukah, the Jews light a candle (one for each day) a half-hour after dark to remind all of the miracle of the holiday. Blessings are said, singing is done, and potato pancakes are eaten. If you really think the Jews aren't that into money, then know that the Jews hand out special Hannukah money to children, presumably so they don't have to share it with the Gentiles.
Here is Adam Sandler's famous Hannukah song if you haven't heard it enough:


5. Kwanzaa
Celebrated By: Disgruntled African-Americans who want their own holiday
When: December 26 until January 1
How's it Celebrated? Families decorate their houses with traditional African art and dressing in African colors. To quote the great Wikipedia: drumming and musical selections, libations, a reading of the "African Pledge" and the Principles of Blackness. Every day the first words said to each other are the Swahili words "Habari Gani", meaning "What's the News?". It is unknown if criminal activity is halted during the week, but doubtful.
Here is a video telling you why you should celebrate Kwanzaa. I suggest watching a Kanye West video instead:


4. Chinese New Year
Celebrated By: Chinese people. In China.
When: Different every year. February 7 in 2008.
How's it Celebrated? Well, the Chinese are a industrious people. They have fireworks, New Year markets, parades, greetings, and oh so much. They have traditional celebrations for the first 15 days of the New Year. Traditions include, but are not limited to: not believing in any god, privately owned businesses, repression of media, and forcibly aborting babies. Also, they have dinners with their families. No word on whether they hold ritual slaughters to celebrate communism.
Here is a Communist montage of the holiday:


3. Diwali
Celebrated By: Religiously by Hindus, Sihks, and Jains. Other Indians celebrate the cultural aspects.
When: 6 days beginning on Indian moon day Kartika. Usually in late October/early November
How's it Celebrated? On the first day, the cow is worshipped. On the second day, people shop for gold. The 3rd day is where it's at during Diwali. People wake up extra early to take an oil bath and put on new clothes. Then they light lamps and candles all around their house to pray to one of their spiritual figures. Then, fireworks are lit, meals are cooked, and parties are thrown. You haven't lived until you've partied with Hindus. Oh man, they can throw it down hard. The next three days are spent exchanging gifts with family and loved ones, as well as more praying and god-worshipping.
Here is a video of Indians dancing. It's actually pretty crazy. Thus, the name "Crazy Indian Music Video."


2. Vesak
Celebrated By: Buddhists!
When: First full moon in May
How's it Celebrated? Buddhists gather in their temples before dawn to pay homage to the Holy Triple Gem by singing and making offerings. They eat vegetarian food and refrain from any type of killing (even ants). In fact, they release all kinds of animals by the thousands to liberate them from captivity. Then they get to listen to monks quote Buddha sayings from 25 centuries ago! Buddhists are also encouraged to bring happiness to those unfortunate by giving them money and gifts. The holiday's main goal is to reinforce the commitment to living a noble life. Sounds really fun, doesnt it?
P.S. Buddhists are not allowed to drink. Ever.
There was absolutely no good/relevant videos for this holiday. So instead, I did the next best thing. A clip from the TV show "Norm" about a kid who thinks he's a Pokemon catcher. Enjoy or Don't:


1. Eid-al Adha
Celebrated By: Muslims a.k.a. Terrorists (Just JK'in Muslims, LOL!)
When: 10 Dhu al-Hijjah-13 Dhu al-Hijjah (Sometime in December of January) It actually just started as I'm writing this blog!
How's it Celebrated? To celebrate Abraham's willingness to sacrifice his son to Allah, Muslims dress in their finest clothing and go to a mosque. Then they sacrifice their best animal and if they don't have one, their firstborn child. A large portion of the animal or child's meat is given to the poor and the rest is cooked for the family. Then Muslims visit all their relations including friends and family throughout the 4 day period. I was kidding about the first born child.
Here is, without any censorship, the sacrificing of what looks like a baby cow for the festival. It actually is pretty graphic. So, you know, brace yourself.



Hope you enjoyed this blog on the holidays. I'll be back soon enough with an equally awesome blog with a little less blood. Now you know what these holidays are. Not sure if that means anything or if that makes good party/dinner/just talking whenever conversation but oh well. Hope you enjoyed regardless and Happy Holidays!