Get Your Priorities Straight

As of late I have unfortunately strayed away from what makes my blog so entertainingly awesome and written about the entertainment world, which I apologize for. So do you want more of the old, beautiful, intelligent writing that graced this blog for oh so long? well, you got it. so today, i'm getting my priorities straight, to tell you the 5 most important military decisions (mostly mistakes) of the last 300 years. I cant go past 300 years because people used to fight wayyyyyy more back in the old days and just don't have that kind of.....patience to go through every single damn battle of the last 4,000 years. But honestly, let's have it already Mike. And no, the current Iraq invasion will NOT be on the list. Sorry, you die-hard liberals.

5. Custer's Last Stand at Little Big Horn in 1876
Going after the Indians unprepared for what was in store and sending off his other general onto the other side were the biggest mistakes made by Custer. The only survivor out of Custer's crew was a horse. When he sent off his other general, gen. Reno, around 300 of Custer's men were quickly accosted by a number of Indian forces who killed all of Custer's men and the general himself in just under 3 hours. Besides being a memorial site, Custer's mistake caused his other generals to stand trial for cowardice and many tales of heroism and bravery come from this very battle, but that's mostly because noone likes the Indians. Still.

4. Pickett's Charge in the US Civil War
Pickett's Charge effectively ended the Battle of Gettysburg and the Confederate's campaign in Pennsylvania. The Confederate army stretched out a mile long but had to advance an open field directly below Union forces a mile long. Suffice to say, the Confederate army was annihiliated and lost over half their forces before being forced to retreat. Obviously, the Battle of Gettysburg was a major turning point in the civil war so the blunder's effects on history are of great importance. Lee's desperation in ordering the attack was a major blow to the Confederate army and the South's chances in the war.


3. Napoleon invades Russia in 1812
550,000 French vs. 250,000 Russians. Easy enough victory right? HA! Besides leading to his exile, death, and for ever being associated with the insecurities of short people, Napoleon made a very unwise decision to invade Russia. Out of the 550,000 men he brought with him, only 20,000 made it back home. The French army was completely devestated. The Russians, although struggling at first, used their brilliant scorched earth tactics in the cold Russian winter to deprive the French of food, horses, and weapons on their way back making them easy targets for attacks and starvation. Not only destroying the French army, the victory for Russia led to a huge rise in patriotism in Russia in the 19th century. Also, it led to the French being the world's biggest cowards ever as of today.

2. Hitler's invasion of Russia in 1942/Declaration against U.S.
Hitler had it all: Poland, France, most of Eastern Europe, his plan against the Jews was working, and he had very powerful allies in Russia, Japan, and Italy. Then instead of just kicking the field goal, he got greedy and went for the game winning hail mary touchdown pass. Well, this is what happens when you get cocky and stupid: you lose almost 2 million troops, with almost another 500,000 captured. The Germans and their allies were no match for the HUGE Soviet army and weren't prepared for the harsh winter conditions the battle was to be fought in. If Hitler didn't invade Russia, we might be calling Europe "Germany" instead and communism may have spread farther and wider than we could ever imagine. So, even though nobody likes a commie, this may be the best thing that the communist ever did. Evil against eviler, with evil coming out on top.

1. Japanese bomb Pearl Harbor
The Japanese decision to bomb Pearl Harbor, although successful in itself, led to disasterous consequences for the Japanese and their allies. Besides leading to the U.S. declaring war and dropping the A-bombs on the country, the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor led to Germany declaring war on the U.S., getting the U.S. involved in the European front, and the defeat of the Axis of Evil. Japan sort of knew they didnt have much of a chance left in the war. So they threw all their chips into the center of the table. They had a good hand at first, but as the cards flipped over, it got worse card after card. Ok, bad analogy. The U.S. got kinda pissed so they shat on the entire country of Japan and it's immediate future. They sent a ton of youngsters to Germany and France and led the fight against the Germans. Russia joined the Allies. Hitler and Mussolini both were killed by themselves or others. You get the picture. Japan fucked us. We fucked them, their families, and everyone they knew. And this is where the U.S. starts to get cocky militarily. End of supposed heroism by U.S. and allies.

Thanks for reading again. The summer is getting hot and the blog is heating up once again with more on topic thingies. So keep tuning in and I will keep you entertained, I promise. And if I don't, well, put your complaint in my suggestion box.