Predictions for the Next 11 Months

Hey there, I updated my blog a bit. You may have noticed I moved from Arlington Heights, but what can I say? Living in Iran as an American makes everyday an adventure.
But seriously, I'm taking a break from my hectic interview schedule and 21 hour flights back and forth to school and home to give you some predictions for 2007, even though it's almost Ferbruary. Here it goes:

1. The Threat Level Will be Raised, Nothing Will Happen
But then again, this happens pretty much every year now.

2. It will be the hottest recorded year, temperature-wise.
Just ask Al Gore. Better yet, don't, because he might show you his Powerpoint Presentation and make it into a movie. (Oh, wait, too late)

3. Iraq will get worse
If it's possible.

4. Kevin Federline will release a Platinum album
Which of course, will be very foolish, because CDs made of Platinum will break your CD player

5. Cubs will NOT win the World Series
I mean, you think last year was bad? Wait til next year.....

6. A War will break out in Africa
I'm going go out on a limb here but there may be even more than one

For the second half of my "blog" I will interview Condolezza Rice, the US Sec. of State, to see what she thinks of my predictions and the year to come.
MD: Me, CWR: Condi "Wild" Rice

MD: Hello, Condi, nice to see you again. I haven't seen you since that one hot night we had in Baghdad.

CWR: Michael, you said you wouldn't mention that if I gave...

MD: Well, it was over 100 degrees in Saddam's bedroom, you know that turned you on a ...

CWR: ENOUGH!

MD: Ehem, Sorry. Anyway, what do you see in store for Iraq in 2007? Besides, of course, it getting much, much worse.

CWR: I think President Bush's sending of more troops is a very good idea and can reestablish the security for the Iraqi people.

MD: Why don't you just say "We fucked up in Iraq"?

CWR: Well, I don't believe we did.

MD: But we did have alot to drink that night, not to mention you snorted cocaine off my chest and smoked a joint with that Iraqi nomad guy with his sheep all around, man that was crazy. I still can't believe we went in that guys tent and fuc...

CWR: YOU SNORTED OFF MY CHEST! Oh, shit. I mean, ummm....

MD: AHHH HA! But seriously, what are your thoughts on my 6 predictions for the next 11 months?

CWR: Um...Well, first off, the threat level will not raise because the only way it can raise now is if we are attacked on our soil. As to Al Gore's claim of Global Warming, I don't think that's been scientifically proven, plus it's Al Gore, I mean when will he get over losing to Bush? I think he just wants to feel special.

MD: Wow, My thoughts exactly

CWR: Iraq will not get worse becuase our government is making some very interesting reforms on policy.

MD: Doubletalk for "We are so backed into a corner and we don't even know what to do anymore because we didn't really have a plan going in."

CWR: Well, it's not my fault, I'm just cleaning up Rumsfelds, Powell, and Georgy's mess.

MD: Ehem, Georgy? That sounds like a pet name to me.

CWR: No that's just what his mistress calls him.

MD: But you just....Never mind, go on.

CWR: I think Kevin Federline won't release a platinum album because he will be murdered by a huge mob. As for the Cubs, they did spend alot of money this year and are my pick to win the World Series. However, I think we can prevent war from happening in Africa with some of the same peace policies we implemented with Iraq, Iran, Cuba, Russia, and Texas.

MD: Well Thanks for Joining me Condi, as always, your either wrong or just avoiding the point. Join me next week when I interview Hilary Duff. Or a copy of the cease and desist papers she sends me, I'm still waiting on that 429th email reply.

MD: Condi, I got this excellent weed and opium from this guy in the government. You mix them and it's called the "Ayatollah" because after you smoke it you act like your the ruler of a real country. Sex is supposed to be like a George Bush poster in Iran on it: on fire.

Condi: Sure but let's go I have a meeting with the Iranian secre....wait, why is that red light still on on the camera?

MD: SHIT! MUHAMMED, WHEN I TELL YOU TO CUT, YOU TURN OFF THE FUCKING CAMERA! DON'T YOU KNOW WE ARE LIVE! I'm taking my 200 riali back. Your still rolling, why, I'm going kill your children and then (camera shuts off)