A Year In Review

Everywhere you look you can find "Best of 2007" and "Worst of 2007" lists. Filled with Britney, Lindsay, Patriots, and Red Sox. So, in light of all these lists that mean absolutely nothing, I am taking the "Year in Review" back for you. You JUST lived 2007, why do you need a list for it? F that in the A, good sirs and madams. I'm going to give you a Year in Review. It's not going to be for 2007 though. Since I was born in 1986, I'm going to review that year. Besides, without that year you wouldn't be reading this, would you? So here it is Year in Review: 1986.

43rd Best Song: Oran "Juice" Jones, "The Rain"
(You want the #1 Song? Go watch VH1) Oran Jones EXPLODED (BOOM!) onto the music scene with his hit "The Rain" that I'd never heard until I looked it up on Youtube. To be honest, I just pounded the number pad on my keyboard and 43 showed up. So, if you think that Oran should have changed his first name to Orange like me, have a gander at a music video/song that will make you remember the first time you were cheated on. Or, if your like me, the 84th time a girl laughed at your sexual advances and walked away with another guy. However, please at least fast forward to 2:30 to hear an unintentionally hilarious moment as Oran has prepared Hot Chocolate.


2nd Best Sports Movie of 1986: Karate Kid, Part II (Hoosiers definitely number 1)
In one of the best karate movie frachises of all time, The Karate Kid Part II (taking place in Japan) made an impressive $151 million in theaters domestically. Mr. Miyagi, reprising his role as the best youth karate instructor of all time, goes home to see his dying dad and Danny fights his enemy. Miyagi also fights. They both win. In other news, Japanese is a funny sounding language, especially when white people try to speak it. (What? No good? My blog is always racist, get over it.) P.S. 3 Ninjas is better.
Here's Mr. Miyagi crying. Poor guy.



Most Important TV Debut of 1986: ALF
What, you didn't like/have never seen ALF? COMMUNIST! How can you go wrong with an 300 year old-Alien Life Form (A.L.F.) crash landing in a suburban family's garage and thus, living there for the duration of the hilarious TV series. Oh, Alf and his "adoptive" family would get into all kinds of hijinks! These hilarious hijinks were, but not limited to, ALF getting a gambling problem, ALF joining a monestary, ALF getting the hiccups, ALF hosting the Tonight Show, ALF becoming addicted to cotton, and ALF looking for buried treasure! How innovative! The fact that you are still reading and not on Amazon.com buying the DVDs make me sick to my stomach. Absolutely sick, you people. For shame.
Here is ALF, rocking out with his...well, whatever his species has for a reproductive organ out.


Crazy, Obscure Event Nobody Remembers or Ever Heard Of: Mordechai Vanunu
Vanunu was a nuclear plant technician in Israel in the late 70s. He was fired in 1985 from the plant, that was, unknowingly to the world, producing nuclear weapons. Later on, he went to London and gave an interview (even though he signed a silence agreement of some sort) exposing the facility and even providing pictures of it. A Mossad (kind of like CIA) agent disguised herself as an American tourist in Rome and persuaded him to come on holiday with her. In Rome, he was later drugged and kidnapped by the Israeli army, sending him back to Israel on a freighter. Vanunu was convicted of treason and espionage, and put in solitary confinement for the next 16 years. He was released, has been arrested 4 times since, and is now an esteemed member of the University of Glasgow staff.
here's an antisemetic video. i wouldn't watch but you can, i guess:


2 Signs of the Coming Apocolypse from 1986: Oprah's first show airs and Reagan casually exchanges arms to Iran for cash to fund the overthrowing of the Nicaraguan government, which was a large threat to our national security. (Hint: I'm being sarcastic)
Although I'm not sure which event was worse, Oprah arrived on the scene with a huge bang, although I think that was just her sitting down. 22 years later she is still on the air influencing women the world over and has more power than any government leader in the world. Soon, Oprah will precede to buy the whole continent of Africa and feed them. Once Africa returns to a semblence of normalcy, they will be really, really, really pissed off at the rest of the world for ignoring them and fucking them up, and World War 3 will start with Oprah in command of the African army as they easily charge through India, China, Russia, Europe, South America, and North America. White people, in a not-so-funny ironic sort of thing, will then become black people's slaves. This will all happen in 2012, the year after Oprah's show is done and the year the Mayans (correctly, in this case) predicted the apocolypse. Iran, still using the weapons from Reagon, will be the only country in the world to side with the Oprah-African Army. Everyone will be forced to either convert to Islam and become a slave or not convert and be forced to suicide bomb your family's house while they are home.
Whew, I blackedout, what just happened.
Here is a video compilation of Oprah in Africa during Christmas. Just building up that army, I tell you. You wait and see, you'll think "Wow, I can't believe that blog I accidently stumbled onto 4 years ago was actually right." Well, hopefully I won't be.


Wow, 1986 was a happening year if I do say so myself. However, I haven't mentioned the event more important than the signs of apocolypse: July 2, 1986 at 11:29 am in Des Plaines, Il, I was cast into the world to spread good cheer and happiness throughout the land. I have yet to acheive my goal, but I'm getting there. Until next time, where I will return with a hopefully-less-ridiculous blog, I bid you adieu and good tidings for the new year.