Swing and a Miscast

Some actors were made for the roles that they play. Jack Nicholson in "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest", Peter O'Toole in "Lawrence of Arabia", or Sean Connery as James Bond. Others, however, make it a little harder to suspend your disbelief. Could you imagine Forest Whitaker, a big black man, playing the role of Sawyer on Lost? Or Tom Selleck as Indiana Jones? Both were casted to these roles but were scratched at the very last minute. Some actors, though, were just not meant for roles they were casted in at all. So here, in this very blog, I will tell you the 6 Most Miscasted Roles in Movie History. Trust me, I'm the right man for this role.

6. Tom Hanks in The Da Vinci Code (2006)
Unfortunate Role: Super-Professor Robert Langdon
What's the Problem, Mike? If you've read the book and seen the movie, then you know what I'm talking about. Tom Hanks virtually brings nothing of the character from the book to the movie. Other actors that were considered for the role, such as George Clooney, Hugh Jackman, and Russell Crowe, are much more versatile actors than Hanks, who for some reason gives the Motion Picture Academy a stiffy every time he goes on screen. He plays the role of Langdon, especially in his scenes with Sophie, the hot-French "actress", with such a lack of enthusiasm it's impossible to get enthusiastic about it while watching Hanks fumble around the screen like a deer in the headlights.
Here's a scene from the movie that makes you wonder if Tom Hanks even read the book.


5. Denise Richards in The World Is Not Enough
Unfortunate Role: Nuclear Scientist Christmas Jones
What's the Problem, Mike? Denise Richards as a nuclear scientist makes about as much sense as Jenna Jameson playing a virgin nun. Never mind the cringing double entendres ("I thought Christmas comes only once a year"), nuclear scientists usually don't run around in skimpy tank tops. Also, Denise Richards doesn't seem very suited for a role of a character with any notable intelligence. Let's just say there's no Academy Awards in her future, unless she sleeps with the Academy. This nuclear scientist certainly made this film a large bomb.
Thankfully, Christmas only came once: 007 X-Mas

4. Kevin Costner in Robin Hood: Prince of Theives (1991)
Unfortunate Role: Robin Hood, who's apparently the Prince of Theives, which doesn't sound too flattering
What's the Problem, Mike? The movie, also starring movie greats Morgan Freeman and Alan Rickman, is not that bad. However, when your character has a British accent, you really should talk like a British person. Costner just couldn't keep the accent going, as it went in and out through the entire film. When he does try it, it sounds like a drunk New Yorker stepping on a duck. I mean Cary Elwes plays a better Robin Hood in the spoofer flick Men in Tights.
Here's Costner "attempting" to convince you he's a British superhero, which is kind of an oxymoron.


3. Colin Ferrell and Angelina Jolie in Alexander (2004)
Unfortunate Role: Alexander the Great, King of Macedon and Jolie as his mother, Olympias
What's the Problem, Mike? Let's see you have a chain-smoking Irishman playing a Ancient Greek warrior king. Apparently, he has blonde hair, which makes Colin Farrell look even less Greek. Alexander was undefeated in battle and conquered most of the world known to Greece, yet Farrell plays Alexander like a raging homosexual pussy. Not to mention his accent sounds more British than anything resembling Greek or Latin. Jolie is cast as his mother even though she's not even a year older than Farrell. It's much more likely Alexander was a dark-skinned, dark-haired, ruthless lewd badass bisexual king. It didn't help that the movie was directed by Oliver Stone, who loves to throw in his own interpretations of history.
Here's Colin Farrell's character exploring his sexuality:


2. Sofia Coppola in The Godfather, Part III (1990)
Unfortunate Role: Mary Corleone, Michael Corleone's (Al Pacino) daughter
What's the Problem, Mike? It may be a little unfair to criticize Sofia, as she was thrust into the role at the last minute because Winona Ryder dropped out to do Edward Scissorhands. Lost in Translation, which she directed, is a great film. However, her performance in this movie may be one of the most cringe-worthy performances ever delivered on screen. Even the most simple scenes she's in makes the viewer hope Al Pacino just whips out a Uzi and unloads the clip into Sofia. In fact, I'm pretty sure that if they re-casted Sofia's role, the movie would not be so ostracized from the other two Godfathers. Sofia, a pretty good film-maker, is just a terrible film-actor. Her scenes are so bad it's a wonder they didn't include clips of WNBA basketball instead of her scenes. Since, I couldn't find any scenes of her on Youtube, and I must overcrowd my blog with video clips, I included a much more watchable clip of the St. Louis University's basketball team scoring 20 points in an entire game:



1. John Wayne in The Conquerer (1956)
Unfortunate Role: Genghis Khan
What's the Problem, Mike? Well, I don't know. Genghis Khan was born in Mongolia while John Wayne was born in Iowa. The director of the movie even thought the idea was ridiculous but "couldn't say no to John Wayne." Then you have the cowboy trying to play the Mongol warrior, attempting an accent, but nooone's sure what one. Wayne's Fu-Manchu mustache is just unintentionally hilarious in every way. This movie really was a career killer, not for Wayne, but for numerous people involved in the film who succumbed to radiation poisoning because they filmed in the nuclear contaminated Utah desert. So many bad decisions surround this movie that it's like driving backwards drunk on the highway during rush hour. John Wayne, cowboy and war hero, as a Mongolian Emperor. John Wayne as Genghis Khan. Just try to picture it. Or, if you can't, Youtube can for you. Perhaps the most unintentionally hilarious role of all time. Please god, I dare you not to laugh.



I hope you didn't cringe in pain too much from these terribly awful, sometimes funny, miscasting of roles. Contrary to popular belief, my blog will not be recasted as a Chinese game show review website, although I may write about that one day. Just remember you young filmmakers out there, when writing your screenplay make sure your characters cannot be played by Keanu Reeves. Anyways, until next time, I wish you good fortune and total consciousness on your death bed. So you've got that going for you. Which is nice.