Leave Me Alone, I'm Drinking

Many people hear drinking alone and immediately say "alcoholic." Well, the blog doesn't share this view. Sometimes, drinking alone is necessary. When, you ask? OH! Well, I'm going to tell you. Perhaps it's not the happiest topic, but I my writing could make "2 and a Half Men" funny. So listen up, this is When Drinking Alone is OK.


After a Break-Up
"See....the crying, this is why I broke up with you."
Why It's OK: People are naturally sad after a break-up. There's lots of self-pity, tears, and mood swings during the immediate post-relationship period. Alcohol is oh-so-necessary to help you through the process but going out and meeting new people will only remind you of your ex. At least at first, it's best to wallow in that self-pity all by your lonesome. Throw on the Bryan Adams CD, sit in your underwear, and sip on a drink or ten as you get ALL your wallowing out of the way. I mean, your friends don't wanna hear your bitching. Get your ass on the couch and feel sorry for your drunken self!
You Should Drink: like Nicholas Cage in Leaving Las Vegas.

After a Traumatic Event
Yes, Like That.
Why It's OK: Every goes through trauma. Car accident, death in the family, dropping your entire bag of popcorn at the movie theatre. Whatever it is, you're gonna need to booze on through it. And if you're drinking with other people, all they're only going to tell you "Oh I'm so sorry, that looked delicious" and stuff like that. Well fuck that! You need to ditch your date and sit by yourself, sipping on your Movie Theatre Sized Margarita and dream of the buttery goodness you're missing out on.
You Should Drink: like Pac-Man Jones at a wine tasting.

When You're Struggling To Find An Answer
That Guy's Got the Right Idea
Why It's OK: Sometimes in life, we search for the unattainable answers. "What's my life's purpose?" "Did I let "the one" get away?" "Will I ever see my hot MILF neighbor changing through my bedroom window?" Life's too short to spend TOO much time thinking about such questions, so pour yourself a double and reflect. Creativity stems from alcohol abuse. Find your answer at the bottom of a bottle.
You Should Drink: more than Mel Gibson at a David Hasselhoff fiesta.

When You're Just Getting Out of Rehab
Who Are Those People?
Why It's OK: Whatever you were in rehab for, you owe it to yourself to reward your good behavior. Crack? Meth? Heroin? Well, you're going to need something to replace that eventually. You need to sit down by yourself and find out if that thing is alcohol. You know you've got an addictive personality, as you're just leaving rehab, so nobody is going to let you drink too heavily after getting out. That's why you need to do it alone. Avoid those party-pooping losers.
You Should Drink: like someone who was in rehab for alcohol abuse.

When Nobody Reads Your Blog
STUPID STUPID STUPID!
Why It's OK: Sometimes you pour your heart into something and it just doesn't work out for the best. So you started a blog and nobody reads it? It's OK. Maybe you have a solid head of hair? No, ummm...a good job? Ehem, anyways, maybe you should just not think about it. Pour yourself a glass of whiskey and walk down the street. Maybe peeing on your neighbor's lawn will make you feel better? Maybe all that MILF neighbor needs is to see you naked first....
You Should Drink: like a soccer hooligan on her period.