Musically Drunken Achievments of the Decade

I love music. It's always been my support system. A girlfriend for me when I'm single, a shoulder to cry on when I needed one, and an outlet that captures any sort of mood. It is truly the power of music that has affected me, made me feel more emotion than almost any person could. And that's why I've put together a list of the Best 10 Albums of 2000-2009. It won't be my favorites...that would be a laughable list (to some) of pop-punk hooks and little else. These are the best musical achievements. The ones that are so full of emotion they couldn't possibly be ignored. There will be no hip-hop, for that may make you want to dance but it is not achievement. The 10 Best Albums of 2000-2009



10. Relient K-- mmhmm (2004)
Best Songs: "Be My Escape," "High of 75," "Who I Am Hates Who I've Been"
Lyric That Best Describes It: "Live your life for fools that you love" (The One I'm Waiting For)
The Album: Christian rock? Who in God's name cares? Relient K's mmhmm is as sunny as it gets. Every song mixes in soft lyrics about love, happiness, and just trying to be a good person. Their album probably transcends what the band believed the album was about. Relient K has always been a bit on the silly side of music, but with this album, the band put out a perfect album of hope that any age group could identify with. It may be pop-heavy, but sometimes when it's dark and dreary outside and your feeling down, you just want a little sunshine in your headphones.

9. Say Anything - ...Is a Real Boy (2004)
Best Songs: "Alive With the Glory of Love," "Woe," "Admit it!!!"
Lyric That Best Describes It: "That boy, he, that boy's got woe." (Woe)
The Album: Say Anything is clearly not a band for everyone. But Max Bemis' lyrical output on ...Is a Real Boy is something that most songwriters wish they could accomplish. He may not have the best voice in the world, but the album is full of clever lyricism and "We're Gonna Get You Hooked, No Matter How Disturbing You Feel Afterwards." It's really about a boy going through a lot of shit, but it's what he's gone through that drives the album. Because without problems and shortcomings, the great things in life, like this album, might not exist.

8. Taking Back Sunday- Tell All Your Friends (2002)
Best Songs: "You're So Last Summer," "Cute Without the E," "Timberwolves at New Jersey"
Lyric That Best Describes It: "This song was only wishful thinkin'..." (Cute Without the "E")
The Album: The album that, through my teenage years, best described the way it felt to be miserable in love during that period. It's certainly not a happy album--but that's not what gives it feeling. It's a break-up album. A "you never loved me" album. It's angry but it's that catchy anger that made it loveable, even if it was only pumping your stereo because of loss in the first place.

7. Something Corporate- Live at the Ventura Theater (2004)
Best Songs: "I Woke Up in a Car," "Hurricane," "Konstantine," "Walking By"
Lyric That Best Describes It: "And these nights I get high just from breathing, and when I lie here with you, I'm sure that I'm real." (Walking By)
The Album: Perhaps cheating by putting a live album on the list, I really don't care. Something Corporate (more so Andrew McMahon) has been one of my favorite bands for the entire decade. I feel like they were always one or two songs from putting together a really complete album...so I chose one that combines their best. Besides having "Konstantine," a song that is so good it should have it's own planet, the album shows why people have basically started a cult to the band's lead singer, Andrew McMahon. Whatever songs you hear through your headphones are one hundred times better live. It's not the most mature set of songs--but it doesn't make me feel every word any less.

6. Fountains of Wayne- Welcome Interstate Managers (2003)
Best Songs: "Hey Julie," "All Kinds of Time," "Bright Future in Sales"
Lyric That Best Describes It: "I tried to change, but I changed my mind" (Mexican Wine)
The Album- I've always been sad that Fountains of Wayne have never gotten more popular, and this album is a fine example of how awesome some of their lyricism and catchy hooks can be. Besides their big hit "Stacey's Mom," the album is full of indie-pop goodness that begs for you to sing along. Every song, from the ridiculously catchy "Hey Julie" to the slower, but serene "All Kinds of Time," brings something unique and quirky, yet still able to bring out emotion while driving down those empty roads.

5. The Postal Service- Give Up (2003)
Best Songs: "The District Sleeps Alone Tonight," "Such Great Heights," "Sleeping In," "Clark Gable"
Lyric That Best Describes It: "And when you scan the radio, I hope this song will guide you home." (Such Great Heights)
The Album: I never really expected that an album like this could sneak into this list, but this decade has really changed some of my musical tastes. The album is very electronic, more so than I usually enjoy. But as a lover of Ben Gibbard of Death Cab, it really changed my mind and allowed me to see how beautiful this album really can be. The lyrics aren't always top-notch but it's the emotion and reality in Gibbard that makes the album really come alive and become beautiful, depending on how you're listening to it.

4. Lucky Boys Confusion- Throwing the Game (2001)
Best Songs: "Fred Astaire," "Slip," "Do You Miss Me"
Lyric That Best Describes It: "Don't push so hard, nothing is ever easy." (Fred Astaire)
The Album: LBC is a band that will always have a special place in my heart. This album is definitely their best. It brought out their ability to combine their pop-punk sound with reggae and hip-hop, producing an extremely unique blend of rock-out party anthems. They sing about drinking, smoking, and Chicago because that's what they know. From the ultra-fast paced "3 to 10" and "Dumb Pop Song" to the slower, more emotional beats like "Slip" and "Not About Debra," the album come across with a ferocious, commanding presence that has one of the more unique sounds out there.

3. Death Cab for Cutie- Transatlantacism (2001)
Best Songs: "Transatlanticism," "Passenger Seat," "The Sound of Settling"
Lyric That Best Describes It: "To call at 7:03 and on your machine, I slur a plea for you to come home, but it's too late" (A Lack of Color)
The Album: Death Cab has never been afraid to switch up their styles and experiment. But it's on Transatlantacism where they are it's simplest and most serene. On tracks like "Passenger Seat" and "Transatlanticism," you can almost hear the pleas for lost love to return as if they were your own. They resonate so powerful, coming through lead singer Ben Gibbard's delicate voice. Everything comes through so personal. Numerous tracks on the album continue to give me chills, even as I listen to it for umpteenth time straight through. Their follow up's Plans and Narrow Stairs were great as well--but there's no beating this.

2. Radiohead- Kid A (2000)
Best Songs: "How to Disappear Completely," "High and Dry," "The National Anthem"
Lyric That Best Describes It: "I float down the Liffey, I'm not here, this isn't happening" (How to Disappear Completely)
The Album: Radiohead has cemented it's legacy in musical history as being one of the most influential bands of our time. OK Computer, done in the 90's, is simply one of the most brilliant albums ever put together. Kid A is another beautiful album put together from the band. "How to Disappear Completely" might be one of the most beautiful, saddening songs I've ever heard. But it's not the songs by themselves that make the album great...it's the album as a whole where you can really see how great it is. It's like a puzzle, interesting separated, but beautiful when put together.

1. Jack's Mannequin- Everything in Transit (2005)
Best Songs: "The Mixed Tape," "Dark Blue," "La La Lie"
Lyric That Best Describes It: "Fuck yeah, we can live like this" (Holiday from Real)
The Album: I know--it's not your favorite, or even something you'd put on your top 10. But I'm not you. Jack's Mannequin--more so it's lead singer/songwriter Andrew McMahon--has gotten me through so much. My break-ups, my new beginnings, my dreams, and my nightmares. Everything I've ever gone through could be described through this album. It's the happiest album when I want it to be and saddest when I need it to be. But it's there. Everything in Transit has become more than an album to me--it's become a friend. And the man who wrote it has become my role model. The great thing about music is this: this album might pass you by without a thought. But me? It's one of the most important things in my life.

Drunken Landmass

What's the story morning glory?! Oh, Oasis. Anyways, I've been thinking about how drunk people are all the time and it makes me think--which continent's are the drunkest? The weakest? I didn't know! And since I don't have a job, it's been driving me CRAZY! I'm just sitting around the house, screaming at Oprah "WHAT CONTINENT DRINKS THE MOST OPRAH?! YOU MUST KNOW!" Finally, I decided to do some research instead of inanely screaming at the television, since I don't want to become a cat lady when I'm 23. Here's what I found: From Soberest to Drunkest: Ranking the Drunkenness of the Continents. ANTARCTICA NOT INCLUDED FOOLS!

(Ranked from Soberest to Drunkest. Ex= #6 is the soberest, #1 is drunkest)

6. Asia
The Drunkest People: Thai, Chinese, and Koreans.
Slackers: Saudi Arabia, Iran, India, all the Muslim countries really.
The Ranking: If Russia was included, it might be higher....but the drunk part of Russia is mostly in Europe. Asia suffers from Muslim-itis, in that many of the Muslim countries ban alcohol all together. So not even the billions in the far far East could save Asia from being in last with the nonexistence of alcohol in the Middle East. Get with the times, Muslims! Drunkenness brings you closer to Allah! Just ask all those afros that go Muslim while in jail!

5. Africa
The Drunkest People: Uganda, Nigeria, Swaziland, Burundi. (If you've heard of 2 or more of these, gold star for you!)
Slackers: Egypt, Sudan, Libya, Algeria, Niger, Somalia, Ethiopia. (If you haven't heard of at least 3 of these, you are a moron)
The Ranking: Unfortunately, like Asia, Africa has many Muslim countries in the north that ban alcohol all together. Also, most African countries are so poor their official currency is "Dirt/Leaves." The lovely people of Uganda are doing straight up WORK, with the highest percentage of alcoholism in the world. Unfortunately, African warlords make it difficult to document things like this, not to mention the market price of a 5 kilos of blow on the open market. (What? I needed to know this for my missionary work in (blindly points at map) Libya.) Africa is fucked up, too fucked up to actually be getting fucked up all the time. I have heard good things about palmwine, an African delicacy that apparently tastes like paint thinner. So....they got that. Which is nice.

4. South America
The Drunkest: Argentina, Uruguay, Venezuela, French Guyana.
Slackers: Paraguay, Bolivia, Peru, Ecuador, Chile, Suriname.
The Ranking: South America is a tricky continent. On one hand, they have party countries like Brazil and Argentina, but so many of the other countries are not into it. It's a damn shame, really. Perhaps that's why it's BELOW North America. (Haha...get it?) Although South America might be displeased with their spot on this list, just know that you would be #1 if it were a list for "Attractive Continents." Ay curumba! Just thinking about it has me all caliente!

3. North America
The Drunkest: United States (College kids and Irish only), Canada, Dominica, Haiti, Bahamas. (Starts to make Haiti joke but remembers it happened less than a week ago and restrains self...) Hey, maybe Haiti is being (STOP!). Nevermind.
Slackers: Guatemala, Cuba, Honduras, Mexico. (Insert joke about Mexicans being in the "Slackers" category. Somethings just work themselves out.)
The Ranking: Remember when you forgot Haiti was a country until last week? Well, now alcoholism will go way up there! Also, college students and Canadians have piggybacked North America up to #3 for their impressive beer drinking performances. Unfortunately, if it were "Attractive Continents" we'd be last. But that's neither here nor there! We are the land of Jack Daniels and the home of Keystone! We can't make good beer here...but at least we can drink it! Take THAT Zimbabwe! HA!

2. Oceania
The Drunkest: Australia, New Zealand, Marshall Islands.
Slackers: Papua New Guinea, Fiji, Tonga, French Polynesia.
The Ranking: It's really all Australia and New Zealand here. There, they sure can bring it. The Aussies and the Kiwi's can certainly down their fruit salads! And Fosters! Ain't that Australian for whiskey? Hey, I mean, you had Steve Irwin. Lord of the Rings. The Olympics. That Opera House. Flight of the Conchords. Ummm....the flight that crashes in LOST takes off from there. (Anybody know anything else from these countries?) HEY! How bout those Lord of the Rings movies?! Wait...Damnit, I already said that. Uhhhhh....(dances).

1. Europe
The Drunkest: Spain, Portugal, England, Ireland, Germany, Holland, Austria, Crotia, Czech Republic, Moldova, France, Luxembourg, Hungary, Slovakia, Lithuania, Russia, Latvia, Estonia, Switzerland, Finland, Denmark, Greece.
Slackers: Turkey, Sweden, Norway.
The Ranking: Europe is one big party! Beer in the morning noon and night! Wine for lunch, Sangria for breakfast! Ouzo all night and promiscuous sex for money all day! When it all comes down to it though, Europe has earned their place at the top. Look at all those alcoholic countries. We should all stand up and give a great big round of applause for the Europeans and their lack of respect for their livers. Except to the French. We should punch them. In the balls. IT WAS A HANDBALL NO I WILL NOT GET OVER IT! CHOKE ON YOUR BORDEAUX FRENCHIE!

Well, there you have it. It's nice to get that information out of the way and into the open. Aren't you glad that you know all this now? I thought you would be. That's why I wrote it...for you. But, much like before sex, I have no time to wrap this up. So I'll catch you all when I catch you: on the flip side, yo!